whatthehell Member Profile

BF won’t stop drinking, tried waking me up at 430am to talk..

Relationship Stress / by whatthehell

December 7th, 2021

...See more So yesterday our daughter (5yrs old) called for me from outside our bedroom door bc our awful little kitty attacked her. We were sleeping in on a Sunday; it was 10am. It’s cold here, she was cold. I told her to come in and shut the door (so she wouldn’t get attacked again) and she came into bed. We were only there for a few minutes, it was 10am after all, time to get up. Her dad/my bf stayed in bed. At 12:45 he comes out and starts walking to the bathroom. Daughter yells “daddy! Look!” It was the first snow of the year and she was excited! He starts going off about how we are constantly waking him up in the morning. what? He’s walking down the hall. He’s not asleep. Or earlier at 10? She is 5 and needed me and he went back to sleep for almost 3 hours.. he has been on break from work since Thanksgiving and had the day off that day because it was Sunday. Literally had no obligations that day. we don’t constantly wake him up. She goes to school everyday. I wake up and make her breakfast and then wake her up and get her ready before my bf has to even be up for work if he’s working from home, which is the majority. Otherwise, we all have to be up at the same time anyways. On the weekend, I might let her in bed to cuddle. But it’s not everyday. Usually she will just sneak her tablet on the couch and take advantage if I’m sleeping in. Either way, it’s not constant. so we weren’t really speaking much all day. But weren’t actively arguing. I sleep on the couch last night because heaven forbid, I wake him up in the morning. I wake up at 430 to get a drink and he’s making me coffee, drunk, asking me to talk. No? I have to be up to get our daughter ready for school. he’s mad that I didn’t get up and talk. All the while I was up early to make my daughter pancakes, lay and cuddle her while she’s waking up.. and he’s snoozing his alarm, wakes up when he should be leaving, didn’t put his clothes in the dryer and is cussing. I’m so frustrated.

BF gets mad I’m not super sexual, but he “finishes” sometimes right when I touch him.

Relationship Stress / by whatthehell

February 6th, 2021

...See more If someone told me I couldn’t have sex again or id die - I’d be fine. I don’t need it. I’m affectionate as far as smooches and cuddling but I’ve never been really into sex. The reasons aren’t important for this issue. I would never be mad or upset if my boyfriend couldn’t perform in the bedroom. But he gets SO mad if we go too many days without it. We have different sleep schedules and he also plays mind games where he will act quiet, tired, etc and I will take it as he’s tired when he was really seeing if I’d initiate sex. He has screamed at me in the morning about lack of sex. It’s not like it goes a month without it or anything, or even weeks. But so many times I try to get into it, and I do - and he finished within a minute or two. Last week I touched him with my hand down there and he came. Like, I didn’t do anything but TOUCH it. This is embarrassing for me to talk about, that’s why I’m posting here. Sorry for the TMI.. but we have dildos and that is not the same thing to me at all, whatever kind we get. I don’t think it should just be assumed it’s close enough to the real feeling. My bf is smaller than the dildo but it feels better. Like a real person will always (to me) feel better than some random thing shoved up inside me - which is how I think of it. So my issue is. He’s been so mean to me about not being into sex as much as him. SO mean sometimes. Blindsides me with anger about it. If sex Is that big of a deal to him, wouldn’t he go to the doctors to make sure he can perform? It sounds so insulting, I know. He has yelled at me, swearing first thing in the morning bc we were doing it, and we heard our 4 year old walking to our bedroom so we stopped. She came into our bed and couldn’t go back to sleep. He went to the living room. I asked “what do you want me to do? I’m sorry, I’m sorry”. He went to the living room and slept and woke up screaming about how I didn’t follow him to finish the sex. His mom had to come over because he was so mad at me. But we have see through curtains in the living room. And our living room is right by our bedroom, we would have no warning if our daughter came out to the living room. Plus, I asked him what he wanted me to do and he said “idk”. Which was part of the thing he does when he doesn’t say what he wants so he can see if I just know what to do. But yeah, that was an awful fight because sex is SO important to him. This post isn’t about my bf’s medical issue. As long as something isn’t seriously wrong, I don’t have a problem with it. I just don’t want to feel forced to be this sexual person if he doesn’t even make a doctors appointment to make sure he can finish the job. Idk. He thinks sex toys are him trying, but I could give him a thing to put his dick in, as long as it’s a hole it should be fine right? Because shoving something inside me that’s the same shape as the real thing doesn’t mean it feels anything like it. Idk. Just frustrated. Sorry this is a gross post. Feel disrespectful telling any of my friends about his/our problem.

Boyfriend constantly waking me and our daughter up swearing, mad bc he has to wake up early and we don’t.

Relationship Stress / by whatthehell

January 21st, 2021

...See more We don’t sleep in. I think a lot of people who don’t have a specific time to wake up might wake up at 1030 once and a while. But usually I am up by 9. He works at 8 from home. Granted he works a lot of hours a day. Anyways this morning my daughter is in bed with us, she is 4 - and I wake up before both of them. I’m just laying there and scratching my boyfriends back. Might’ve drifted off to sleep again. But initiated a friendly atmosphere, giving him attention as I lay there. Couldn’t have been too long and the alarm goes off. He gets up, and is looking for something and just turns the light on. Super bright. I say something like, “ya could’ve warned me!”. The exclamation mark isn’t bc I yelled or was mad. He starts throwing out F bombs about he has to wake up early and we don’t and sorry he hates his life and his job, blah blah. It’s constant. Constantly mad, constantly swearing. He sees that I’m crying a little bit later and asks me why, I tell him he hurt my feelings and he starts yelling again! Like his feelings justify being so hateful and angry but I’m obviously not happy and not yelling at anyone! He used f words while yelling at my daughter the other morning for “slapping him” as she was waking up. He doesn’t like she comes into our room in the middle of the night. This is his second child, my first. Let’s brainstorm ways to get her to stay in her room. His approach is yell at the girls for not doing what they’re supposed to be doing without enforcing or establishing a rule. Also within the last couple days he woke up to disc golf. He was stomping around and I ask from bed (it’s still really early) “how are you?” His response, “fuckin’ annoyed!” The sweats he wanted to wear aren’t clean. Okay. Ask me to clean them? We have one load of laundry that can be done. Sorry I didn’t do it? It’s not like we have backed up laundry. I separate colors, those sweats were in the last load bc i didn’t know you specifically wanted to wear those.... ugh! I suffer from depression and can’t be woken up like this constantly. I sit there crying because of issues with my mom, and issues with my bf, etc etc - sitting there on the kitchen floor crying and waiting on cinnamon rolls (store bought, I’m not bragging) to come out of the oven. Bring him one at his desk. He doesn’t know I’m crying. I have problems too. Realities I hate. He has a good paying job. He went from working at jimmy johns for almost 10 years to a month after the baby, starting a great job where he can only move up and already makes $80k. It’s a stressful job but he acts like such a baby. He’s always yelling “fuck this fuck that” so loud from his office. It’s very unnerving. I’m laid off not because I am a server, so that amplifies his anger. But even when I worked 5 days a week I still didn’t have to wake up at 8am everyday and it pissed him off. I can relax and do chores at my leisure. Paint with our daughter, do whatever. I’m sure it sucks but he also can do whatever he wants on his off time. He can leave all day on the weekends, idc. He benefits from me not working. If I worked early like him, we would not only need to FIND (aka meet, we don’t know anyone) someone to babysit our daughter, pay for it - and during a pandemic I’ve already thought about options and it’d have to be a stranger or friend of a friend I don’t know. Not worth it to me. Or him in all actuality.

Is it strange to joke about how I will not receive any life insurance if my bf/father my of child dies?

35 & Over Community / by whatthehell

January 16th, 2021

...See more I’m not super upset about it. But it’s got me wondering if I have a right to be kind of annoyed by this or if i am being entitled. So we’ve been together for 8 years but don’t have plans to get married. I actually went to his parents wedding years ago, they have been together for 40 years! I don’t want anything to happen to my boyfriend. But just knowing he wouldn’t leave me any of his life insurance if he randomly passed away is disheartening. Not because I want to live off of it, but I don’t know where I’d even live. He has it set up so his 2 daughters (one is mine) would get their half when they are 18. Great! But what about the 14 years until then? Idk. I feel so strange being annoyed by this. Like, I already knew the situation with it - but I don’t think it’s a joking situation. It’s not that I’m not self sufficient at all, but he’s 33 with a life insurance policy so at the moment, it’s for unexpected situations. I guess I’m just sensitive right now because the pandemic has stripped me of my savings. Thinking catastrophic like if he got into an awful accident tomorrow, the girls and I would be *** financially, couldn’t afford the house, on top of a devastating loss.

BF working from home VS me being laid off for almost a year.

Relationship Stress / by whatthehell

January 17th, 2021

...See more So I’m a server that has been laid off since March, except the couple months when I came back before lock down started again. My boyfriend who I have a 4 yr old daughter with, has been working from home. This causes a lot of issues, low key. Our bigger issues are related to some of these issues basically.. he is always SO grumpy during work. Yelling, swearing, “AAAARRRGGHHH”. He’s in the basement, but we can hear it throughout the whole house. Yesterday my daughter woke up to him swearing and yelling. I’m in therapy, but still suffer from anxiety and depression. It’s really hard for me to stay positive when he is making these noises and being really short or sounding annoyed with me when we cross paths throughout the day. When he gets off of work he just stays downstairs and plays poker. He just doesn’t feel like anything is his responsibility. Which would be fine if he cleaned up after himself, or paid attention to our daughter. She will be talking to him and he’s so into his poker game that he won’t even notice. Constantly. He doesn’t say goodnight to her. He stays up super late til like 3am. Sometimes I try to hang out also, but then I end up sleeping in til 1130 and when he’s up at 8am for work, it just seems unfair that I am still asleep. I get that. But on the weekends when his daughter (13 years old) is over, he will sleep til 5pm. It’s also hard because my bills are behind. I won’t ask him for that money, he is taking care of house payments and utilities. But he makes a good salary at work and makes this sigh every time I ask if I can take his car somewhere (family related) instead of mine bc I don’t have gas, etc. I feel like he isn’t thinking of me as family living through a pandemic. I always carried my weight before, and was the bread winner in the beginning. Moved us into our first house before the baby was born. In fights he tells me I’m useless and need to get a job, but I have a good job to go back to. It works with our schedule. I had seizures during lockdown and got diagnosed with epilepsy. My brain feels fried. I have a mom on oxygen who has been in the hospital 3 times this year with near death situations. We wouldn’t have a babysitter if I worked. My mom obviously can’t, my normal babysitters daughter is best friends with my daughter and they hardly are allowed to see each other as it is, because of covid and her dad being very sick. I’m a server, my field has shut down. I could go to a grocery store, etc but id make what I make on unemployment, and be around hundreds of people while my daughter is... where? Plus this last lockdown was a 3 week pause. We’ve been together for 8 years. When do I become family? And just his constant expectation that the house will be spotless and there will be a great meal that he loves waiting for him when he gets off. With what money? And we are home constantly. So it can’t and won’t be constantly clean. Idk I’m just so frustrated with this dynamic going on. I’m sorry for venting so long.

I feel like nobody understands what my panic attacks are like.

Anxiety Support / by whatthehell

February 10th, 2020

...See more When I have a panic attack, or what I call a panic attack, it can happen out of nowhere. Theres almost no correlation between my mood and if I have one. so Im sure you guys have woken up in the morning and felt like you had a dream but dont remember it. My panic attacks make me feel like I am in a dream I have had, but never remembered until just then. The room starts feeling like its changing to panoramic mode, like the room is stretching. But somebody will do something, and itll feel like I already knew it was going to happen even though I didnt. Or Ill see a random person and itll feel like yes! I never saw that person but now that I see them I remember they were part of my vision too! the sad thing is, its now happening at work. Im a server. Last Friday it happened and I took an order and afterwards I looked at what I wrote down and didnt remember anything they said, just hoped I wrote down the right thing. The food runner brought their food and it was wrong, but it wasnt anything I did wrong but before I realized it wasnt my fault I was so sad inside and almost had to leave work bc of it. Nobody knew, just me. But I almost ran through the doors and basically quit over.... a deja vu feeling? It doesnt make sense. I call these my panic attacks but idk what they are.

Hate mail for trying to rehome a dog.

General Support / by whatthehell

November 26th, 2019

...See more So my boyfriend had been begging me to let him get a dog for a year straight, if not more. Hed constantly be looking at pictures of dogs, asking me for them and Id say no everytime. I have bad anxiety and depression and didnt want anything more on my plate. I have a 3 year old daughter and work full time, as does my boyfriend, but opposite shifts. I didnt know the first thing about having a dog. I had my cat for 10 years, but he died a couple years ago. Before that, I had a dog that tore my cheek from my face 3 days before 6th grade. I started feeling like the bad guy, because I know families get a lot of companionship and enjoyment out of a dog. My boyfriend would always talk about the many things we could do with a dog and how our daughter would enjoy it. One day I had a list of promises. Promised if he couldnt train the dog, hed get it trained. Promised if the dog ruined my things hed replace them. Promised that he would be responsible for the major dog expenses including extra things for the house needed when you have a dog. He dropped my daughter off at Disney on ice one day, and texted me during if he could get a dog and I said yes. He picked us up with a Newfie. Omg. This thing is such a test to my anxiety every single day. My boyfriend and I have fought almost every day about her. At first he was adamant he could train her. So I gave him time. And more time. She can honestly get to anything that isnt shoulder height or higher. Weve had to eat in the bedrooms so she wouldnt steal our food. Every door in the house doesnt close right because shes busted through them. Anything on the ground, including my daughters toys, furniture, and walls are chew toys. Nobody can come over because she will knock them over. She runs out the door a lot, and one day I was alone with her and had my baby in the car, and had to run in the pouring rain 3 blocks away to try to catch her. But Im 90 lbs and shes 110lbs and I couldnt grab her in time and she jumped on this old man and I was mortified. I finally got her but I left my daughter out of sight, so this dog didnt run into the main road and like I said I already have BAD anxiety. I dont have the money to be like, oh, babe you got a dog? Let me get her a trainer. That is EXPENSIVE. I cant even play with her without her knocking me over or breaking something. But now my boyfriend said its my responsibility to get rid of her. So Im getting hate mail. Of course Id prefer to have her trained and cohesive to our lives here, but I cant do that on my own. Im not a bad person if I dont want to take on that responsibility. I didnt get this dog. But people are emailing me saying Ill probably give my kids away. Merry Christmas.

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