BF working from home VS me being laid off for almost a year.
So I’m a server that has been laid off since March, except the couple months when I came back before lock down started again. My boyfriend who I have a 4 yr old daughter with, has been working from home. This causes a lot of issues, low key. Our bigger issues are related to some of these issues basically.. he is always SO grumpy during work. Yelling, swearing, “AAAARRRGGHHH”. He’s in the basement, but we can hear it throughout the whole house. Yesterday my daughter woke up to him swearing and yelling. I’m in therapy, but still suffer from anxiety and depression. It’s really hard for me to stay positive when he is making these noises and being really short or sounding annoyed with me when we cross paths throughout the day. When he gets off of work he just stays downstairs and plays poker. He just doesn’t feel like anything is his responsibility. Which would be fine if he cleaned up after himself, or paid attention to our daughter. She will be talking to him and he’s so into his poker game that he won’t even notice. Constantly. He doesn’t say goodnight to her. He stays up super late til like 3am. Sometimes I try to hang out also, but then I end up sleeping in til 1130 and when he’s up at 8am for work, it just seems unfair that I am still asleep. I get that. But on the weekends when his daughter (13 years old) is over, he will sleep til 5pm. It’s also hard because my bills are behind. I won’t ask him for that money, he is taking care of house payments and utilities. But he makes a good salary at work and makes this sigh every time I ask if I can take his car somewhere (family related) instead of mine bc I don’t have gas, etc. I feel like he isn’t thinking of me as family living through a pandemic. I always carried my weight before, and was the bread winner in the beginning. Moved us into our first house before the baby was born. In fights he tells me I’m useless and need to get a job, but I have a good job to go back to. It works with our schedule. I had seizures during lockdown and got diagnosed with epilepsy. My brain feels fried. I have a mom on oxygen who has been in the hospital 3 times this year with near death situations. We wouldn’t have a babysitter if I worked. My mom obviously can’t, my normal babysitters daughter is best friends with my daughter and they hardly are allowed to see each other as it is, because of covid and her dad being very sick. I’m a server, my field has shut down. I could go to a grocery store, etc but id make what I make on unemployment, and be around hundreds of people while my daughter is... where? Plus this last lockdown was a 3 week pause. We’ve been together for 8 years. When do I become family? And just his constant expectation that the house will be spotless and there will be a great meal that he loves waiting for him when he gets off. With what money? And we are home constantly. So it can’t and won’t be constantly clean. Idk I’m just so frustrated with this dynamic going on. I’m sorry for venting so long.
Sorry to hear youre going through such a challenging time. Some things that may be helpful to check are: with the new stimulus package those receiving unemployment and pandemic assistance are also eligible to receive new/additional funds, check with your unemployment office or website for more information. They have also included a new catagory for assistance for mixed earners in situations like yours where one earner has lost thier job but the other is still able to work, so this could be something that might be helpful to you, ask your unemployment office about this assistance as well. You mentioned having challenges with making meals, you may also be eligible for food stamps, many people think they are not eligible for these programs but when they inquire, find out they are, especially under current circumstances.
Remember to take time for yourself, I know its winter and that can be challenging but if you can, bundle up take a short walk and take your child too, when things are stressful it can be helpful to take a few moments to step away and get some fresh air.
Things are going to get better and you may be eligible for the vaccine sooner because of your health issue so you may find yourself able to go back to work more safely, sooner.
Seeking out help on sites like 7cups and talking with friends can also help with relieving the stress and working through difficult issues , so you are already making some good choices :)
@whatthehell It seems ridiculous that your boyfriend is angry at you for not working given that we are in a pandemic AND you are raising his child and you've had some health issues. You have every right to feel frustrated in this situation. Just from your description of him, he doesn't sound like a good person. Are you sure you want to even be with him? Maybe this could be just a rough patch so I'd suggest couples counseling to see if there are ways to improve the relationship. I'm glad to hear you are in therapy yourself though and hopefully that's helping you cope. Best of luck to you!