Anticipate the Future

Goal

To be able to establish and achieve short-term goals and long-term dreams

Anticipate the Future

Recovering from a break up is difficult, especially when your plans were shaped by your relationship. Whether you thought you would be with that person for the rest of your life or at least until the senior dance, ending a relationship forces you to rethink your future. It is important to take time to mourn the loss of the future you planned.

You won’t be able to have the future you originally thought you would, but you can have a future that includes other special people. It’s important to begin imagining how your life could be without your ex in your life. One way to do so is to develop short-term goals and long-term dreams.

Goal Setting

Make your goals easy to achieve, especially at first. Don’t tell yourself that you will be completely over your ex by next week or that you will go to the gym every day-if you don’t reach your goal, you will just feel more discouraged. You’ll know you have a good goal when it is easy to tell if you accomplished that goal.

Good goal: I will connect with one new person this month
Bad goal: I will be a happier person

For each goal that you make, choose a reward to be given once the goal is achieved. Rewards may seem easy to come up with, but it is important to spend time considering what kind of rewards you give yourself. When you are feeling really down, doing anything may seem difficult. Going for a walk or talking with a friend may not seem like a treat at first, even though they may be a healthier reward than chocolate. Choose a reward that you will look forward to, but be careful not to indulge in anything dangerous or potentially habit-forming. Eating a big slice of your favorite cake once a week may be a helpful reward. Drinking an entire bottle of wine could potentially create more problems. Share your rewards and goals with a close friend who will keep you accountable and who can provide an outside perspective.

Short-Term Goals & Rewards

Short term goals help you find something to plan for on a consistent basis. Rewarding yourself for accomplishing your goals both reinforces your behavior and provides some self-care. At first, you should give yourself daily goals and daily rewards such as:

Goal: I will call to cancel my dinner reservations
Reward: I will take my best friend out to dinner

Goal: I will track my automatic thoughts five days this week
Reward: I will eat one of my favorite chocolates after completing each thought record

Eventually, you may find it easier to stay motivated and hopeful, and notice that you feel positive more days than not. At this point, you may want to spend less time setting goals, and instead focus on one or two monthly goals. Here’s an example:

Goal: I will reconnect with at least one friend who seems like a healthy, supportive person.
Reward: I will go on a hunting trip with my friends.

Long-Term Dreams

You may also find it helpful to write down some of your long-term dreams. This is not a list of goals you have to accomplish. Instead, this is an exercise to help you imagine your future in terms of what you can accomplish, instead of dwelling on what you have lost. Share these thoughts with a close friend or family member. If you have a spiritual or religious community, consider discussing your dreams and goals with someone from that community.

Goals & Dreams Exercise

Instructions: Complete the below tables-listing some of your short-term goals and rewards as well as a few long-term dreams.

Next Step

People who go through break ups often feel lonely. Perhaps one of your goals is related to connecting with other people in an effort to avoid that feeling. Learn more about avoiding loneliness by watching the following video.