Being Alive or Feeling Alive

I don't think age necessarily matters in this case, but I certainly don't think it helps. I am going to be 28 in a couple of months.

I know this is not unique to me at all, but I do think my circumstances and my life path have made this uniquely consistent with me.

I'm just watching some guys on YouTube go and try out bankrupt theme parks and thinking, "Ohhhh how I wish I could be doing that too." These people live somewhere where the weather is wonderful, there are lots of trees, and the people seem pleasant. I am also pretty sure things there cost less than where I am. They get to have fun even when the theme park is a little rough around the edges. Everything has color and the sun isn't trying to burn them alive.

Now, maybe I am a bit of a self-loather or perhaps I just pity myself too much, but I miss cool weather and fun colors. Everything here is hot, dry, yellow-washed from the sun, and overpriced. I have to stay indoors constantly. People can say, "Just go outside anyway." It's not that simple. Every time I go outside, I feel like I am gearing up to survive it. Cover your skin, stay away from people, don't make eye-contact. All so I can go... where? To Walmart? Some love Walmart for fun, but that ain't me.

I want to go outside without so much anxiety and preparation. People may tell me, "Just move somewhere else then." It isn't so simple. If things were so simple, I wouldn't be here talking about it. I would have just done whatever I needed to fix it.

I'm so tired all the time. I get sad a lot. I sometimes wonder if a different life would help.

Does anyone relate?