I really need some advice

I've always struggled with maintaining friendships and relationships with people. This has been a reoccurring issue for me and I'm pretty sure the reason is that I'm just generally very unlikable and have very few redeeming qualities. The problem is that I hate being this way, I want people to like having me around. I want to change and I really do try but it never ends up working for me. I feel very unpredictable to myself, I never know what the next wrong thing I do will be. So even if I realize I did something wrong and stop acting that way I just end up messing up in a different way almost every time. It's really hard to change when I feels like I have every bad trait in existence. I don't have any friends because most people don't have the patience to put up with me. Everyone that has ever gotten to know me on a deeper level has agreed with the fact that I'm mostly really hard to be around. I had a fight with my boyfriend very recently and even tho he is an exceptionally patient and kind person he said that sometimes I am extremely unlikable and annoying. He doesn't tell me because he knows it's hurtful but sometimes he just can't stand it anymore. It feels like im completely irredeemable and I need to change everything but I have no idea how. It's not like I ever mean to do any of this but intent doesn't really matter because the outcome is still the same. I always realized what I did wrong in hindsight but never in the moment. How do I become more self aware? I really want to have friends and healthy relationships. How do I stop being a bad person?

Also if you read this thank you very much for taking your time to do so. I can't afford therapy at the moment but i really wish to get some help.