What do you do when you need self-support? How not to break down in the face of life's difficulties?
Hey everyone. My name is Nancy. I've been depressed for a long time and only recently I'm starting to learn how to live and be in reality again. Life is starting to be interesting and more diverse. I am faced with reality and problems that were postponed a long time ago and I have to solve them now. It 's very hard for me not to give up, there are days when I cope , but there are still days when I cry and I'm afraid of falling back into the abyss and not coming back . There are so many things to do and it's not always something pleasant and fun. I'm so scared not to break down in front of all these difficulties. I don't quite understand what I want and in which direction to move. I'm being pulled in different directions and it feels like I'm going to burst. I try to repeat to myself every day that I can handle it , that I have a place to live and what I have , but there will always be problems and there is nothing catastrophic about it . I get lonely and in these moments more than ever I need care and support. Without any stupid advice and guidance on how and what I should do . I just want to be hugged, listened to and accepted.
@lavenderBunny7624
Hi Nancy, thank you for reaching out. I am glad you are taking steps towards recovery.
It is a perfectly reasonable need to be supported. I can see that you are doing a great job at helping yourself through your challenges.
Perhaps you can check out a sharing circle to share what is on your mind.
Or you can also request a long-term listener who focuses on your topic and can support you in the way you desire by posting in classifieds here.
Hi, I also struggle with loneliness and depression, though I’ve been pulling myself out. For me, depression made me feel numb to life and, like you said, coming out of it is like being in reality again. Then the problems faced are just shocking at times, like "I just fixed my worst problem and now I can’t even handle the little ones? What’s even the point of fixing my depression then? I could just go back and not see all this."
I try to remember that I won’t break. I didn’t break during my depression. Even when I thought I did, I didn’t. I came out alive, less numb, more in the here and now. It doesn’t matter how long that took me because I am now on the other side, working with what I’ve got. That’s all I can do.
I remember that the pain of coming out of depression is like the pain of blood flow coming back to a numb leg. Pins and needles as reality (blood) flows back into my life. It’s a sign you’re getting better. Just try not to sit on the leg again, so to speak, or you’ll have to feel it all over again. Keep moving, try to see the aching pain as a positive thing.
I think of reality itself like my warm hug. The air, the grass, the space around me does not speak to me. But it receives me. It lets me cry and hurt, lets me be all the good or bad things that I am without question. The depression made me feel like there was a weight holding me down in life, but the space around me is not my depression. It grants me complete freedom to sit or lay there feeling down. And then it grants me freedom to get up and do the things I need to do. And it will let me rest and cry when I’m done.
It doesn’t sound too comforting, but it is once you take it to heart. When you cry, the world is still holding space for you like a constant hug. It never made you disappear, never made you smaller than you are. Sometimes I stare in the mirror when I’m very down and just look at my whole body, without judgement of aesthetics. I look at the space I take up, the lines of my figure, I try to put my arm up and watch as it moves. I try to step left and right and watch as it happens in the mirror. Visual proof that my actions are real, that when I will myself to do something it is done. All those painful tasks are often a matter of just picking up that pen and paper, moving my eyes across a page or a screen, opening my mouth and talking. I can do it, I practiced in the mirror.
