i never learned how to make friends.
i'm a 21 year old college student, and i've had social anxiety for my entire life. i deal with that by isolating myself from others, and unfortunately that means i never learned how to make friends. i try to be okay with it and tell myself that i don't need others to make me happy, but that is not true. loneliness is so hard to deal with. i have one friend irl, (who initiated our friendship) but she is always busy, and she already has a best friend.
i'm studying english and have a love for books. i also really enjoy cooking/baking, kpop girl groups, cozy video games, musicals, and *** reality tv. i tend to be more comfortable talking to other women (or non-men in general) due to past experiences. if anyone else relates, i would love to try to become friends :)
@lavenderMoon987
I am 16 (almost 17) and I can relate to you by a lot. I have online friends but if you talk about offline ones then I have a 1-2 (if you consider friends as just people that I can talk to but always end up being roasted or something because I am super awkward and not cool enough like they are and then just ending up standing quietly with them while they talk and have fun with others just because I can’t go somewhere else because I don’t have anyone else 🥲)
Loneliness always hits me hard. It’s super suffocating for me. In class I get told to sit somewhere else by my bench partners because the bench is made for 3 and only they both want to sit as if it is made for 2 and when I refuse to leave they ask me why and to this question I always kept quiet but a few days ago I admitted to them that the loneliness is suffocating for me and they literally made fun of me saying that people consider being surrounded by others suffocating and I find being alone suffocating. My whole school life it has been like this. I always end up being the side piece that people go to whenever they need something and then leave when their work is over.
Making friends is super hard especially with anxiety! I know it’s hard but just taking the step to go over to someone and introducing yourself can start a great friendship! Even if you can’t do it I’m sure that you’ll make friends naturally, take it slow!
@lavenderMoon987
I truly appreciate your courage in opening up about your experiences. It's not easy to battle social anxiety, and I commend you for your resilience. Isolating oneself can feel like a protective measure, but it can lead to loneliness, as you've mentioned. Remember, you're not alone in this struggle, and there are many people who can relate.
Your interests in English, books, cooking/baking, Kpop girl groups, cozy video games, musicals, and reality TV are fantastic conversation starters. Engaging in online communities or forums dedicated to these interests can be a great way to connect with like-minded individuals and gradually build your social circle. Additionally, consider seeking support from a therapist or counselor who specializes in social anxiety. They can provide valuable guidance and strategies to help you navigate social situations more comfortably.
Don't forget, making friends takes time, and it's perfectly okay to take small steps at your own pace. Reach out to others who share your interests, both online and offline, and gradually, you may find meaningful connections that can help combat loneliness. You've already taken the first step by reaching out here, and I'm sure there are others who can relate and would be open to forming friendships. Keep believing in yourself, and remember that your happiness matters. 💙
@lavenderMoon987 This right here is so real. I get that you're lonely but it will get better with time. Try not to force yourself to talk to people, especially if that isn't what you like doing. Friends should come naturally. If anything, start being comfortable with being by yourself. I think that being alone builds up your independence.
@lavenderMoon987
hi there😃 I am also 21 yrs old and a college student! I understand what you feel. Well I have no close friends I only have people that I have talk with but still not talking everyday. I have one person that i trust but no longer. I am struggling to make friends too due to past experiences but I am here still trying to do what is the best for me😃 I feel happy without having any friends but I am also love to talk with people! kinda feel lonely sometimes but I focus on myself I listen to myself i do what i wanna do! thats okay to feel lonely sometimes hehe I am so happy I found my solace. It is human nature to communicate yk talk with people but we dont have to be too close. There are a lot of people with amazing heart!
Hi Ri! I’m 21 too. If you need someone to talk to any time you can leave me a message😊
Hi! We have the same hobbies and we’re the same age!! I struggle with social anxiety too and I know how hard it can be. When I was in middle school I made it a point to act very extroverted and I think that experience helped me make friends in middle and high school but since COVID I kind of went back into my shell. I would love to be friends 😊😊
@zethridge cool! what are all your favs??? (books, musicals, video games, etc)
📖 I absolutely love The Iron Daughter and The Children of Blood and Bones Series. I’ve read both a couple of times. Also I really enjoyed the Flowers In the Attic series. There were so many twists and turns it was so shocking. I’m reading a book called Tangled Webs now.
🎵 I’ve been in several musicals when I was a kid which is why I love them so much. I used to watch Hairspray all the time! My favorite one is Wicked though. Sweeney Todd was great too. Also I loooove Mama Mia and Into the Woods. So many to choose from.
🎮 I play a lot of Zelda games but I enjoy cooking games too. I’ve been playing Enlea Kingdom a lot lately because I love working up to being an important character who can make decisions. Genshin Impact and Sky Children of light are also at the top of games I like to play. I mostly like RPG bcuz I like an open world that I can explore.
👩🏽🍳 I love to cook! I just graduated from culinary school recently so I have a ton of recipes to share. I specialize in pastry and cakes.
How about you??
@zethridge im adding all those books to my goodreads so i can check them out sometime! hairspray is also such a nostalgic musical for me! and wicked is one of the few i've been able to see live and it was AMAZING. i've always wanted to get into the zelda games bc they look so pretty and chill but idk where to start. what do you recommend? and omg culinary school sounds so fun! i'm sure it's stressful too, but if i wasn't going to focus on writing, that's where i would have wanted to go.
favorite books is such a hard question to narrow down lol but two of my favorites are aristotle and dante discover the secrets of the universe by benjamin alire saenz and fangirl by rainbow rowell. i also recently read the whole crazy rich asians series by kevin kwan, and those were a lot of fun!
for musicals, my current favs are from starkid. (if you're not familiar with them i highly recommend checking them out!) my favorite non-starkid show is six, which is the show i have seen live the most recently. i fell in love with it, and i would love to go again if i ever get the chance!
my favorite games are stardew valley, the sims, animal crossing, and the monster prom series.
my favorite thing to bake is cookies because they are fairly easy and there are so many types to make. i love christmas time bc i have an excuse to bake as many cookies as humanly possible lol
Omg I’ve been wanting to try stardew valley for so long. I love the sims as well! I was going to start a Gaming Channel on YouTube but it fell off after two uploads 🤣🤣 I’m definitely going to checkout starkid musicals. I also enjoy watching high school musicals on YouTube bcuz they are sooo entertaining for some reason. Did you see Wicked with the original cast?
@zethridge highly recommend stardew !!! it's not super expensive compared to other games and theres so much you can do in it. it really has something for everyone. and a gaming channel sounds like so much fun !! you should keep posting! if you're looking for a place to start with starkid, my favorites are firebringer and the hatchetfield series (starting with the guy who didn't like musicals). if you watch one let me know what you think! they are my comfort musicals. and omg i WISH i saw wicked with the original cast, that would have been so cool! a theater closer to me did a production a few years ago.
That’s so cool! I really want to go to New York and see the Harry Potter play. I think it would be so cool. Also for Zelda games I would recommend Breath of the Wild. It’s so fun and I could play for hours. There are so many ways you can get to the end goal m. I think it’s a game you can play multiple times without getting bored. I do want to get back to my YouTube channel it was so fun to make 😭
@zethridge yess, it would be so fun to see the harry potter play. i've read the script and im not the hugest fan of some of the story, but albus and scorpius' friendship is so cute, and im sure the overall experience would still be really cool. and thank you, i will definitely consider getting breath of the wild next time i want a new game!
Hi! I’m 21 too with few similar hobbies. If you’d wanna be friends you can message me😊
Hello I'm in a pretty similar situation, do you wanna be friends?
@littleLion1989 of course, message me any time!
@lavenderMoon987 hey today is my first day of using this site. I can totally relate to you infact I have the same issue that's why I began using 7 cups.. It feels good to see that someone relates to me. I had two friends in college (I'm 21 too btw) but they both betrayed me. It's been a month since I'm trying to recover. Let's be in touch :)
@thisismetrying23 im sorry you had to go through that with your friends. i am definitely up for staying in touch :)
@lavenderMoon987 lol idk how to use this thing yet properly.. Can we add ppl as friends or msg them? I can't figure out how to do that..
@thisismetrying23 i am also trying to figure this out. im definitely not an expert yet. until we find another way we can talk here though. how are you today?
I'm not at all good. Was arguing with my bf few mins back. I told him I wanna d1e and only then I'll get peace. I'm genuinely not afraid of death doesn't matter whether I'm happy or sad. My friends who abandoned me aren't the reason why I want my life to end. I genuinely feel like I don't have interest in anything anymore. I love him n my parents but why should they ask me to live just because they'll feel bad if I die isn't that selfish that they want me to live for them? He said I'm upset because I feel like those people owed me something. I shouldnt have expected that much from them. It doesn't make sense because I feel I only asked for bare minimum. As a friend the last thing I'd want is them coming to bus stop n turning back because I was standing there and didn't want me to see them. I'm stuck in this college for five more years. Idk how to carry conversations I feel awkward around people and most of the people I tried to be friends with didn't revert back. I've been living a lonely life since childhood. I always struggled with lack of confidence n conversation skills.. My parents didnt spend much time with me since childhood they used to work n I used to be alone in home. My relatives were toxic as ***. Growing up I always thought I'd turn my life around in college I'll be more open I wouldnt have to maintain the persona of a shy introverted girl like in school because I can't change it overnight even tho I wanted to.. But nothing happened the way I wanted. It goes days without speaking to anyone here. And I got a semester back because I failed a subject in my finals of first year despite of giving my blood Sweat and tears. I wanted to be in same class as that of my friend. How badly I wanted that.. It never happened. Now he'll always be in a different class till next 4 years before he graduates.. I'll be 6 months behind. And tho it doesn't even matter now but he and the only female friend of mine abandoned me.. They both got really close to eavhother in span of one month when I went home in June and now I'm completely alone. I can't stand it. I'll go back home in December now but after that when I come back in feb I'll have to wait an entire year before I can go back home again. I can't live like this.. My bf is in my home country I study abroad.. We are in LDR.. Just tell me why should I carry on..! ?
@thisismetrying23 i am very sorry you are going through this. i unfortunately am unable to help you, but i strongly suggest trying to speak to a listener or going to one of the support group chats. please keep trying.
@thisismetrying23 i am fine, just a little stressed out from school. (also for some reason i could not reply to your other comment so that's why i replied to this one)
@thisismetrying23 yes, i have some good playlists for different moods. they usually help, but sometimes i'm just not in the mood for music at all
Ohh I know that feeling. I hope today went better for u :)
Hi! I just read this post. Please do reach out to me. I’m a listener w experience regarding relationship stress and breakups. I’m 21 too so feel comfortable to message me😊
@lavenderMoon987 I totally relate. I would love to be friends, I am a trans man so I am not sure if thats okay but :)
@uponthetaintedsorrow all of my bad experiences have been with cis men, so i am definitely up for trying to be friends :) how are you?
@lavenderMoon987 hello i am new but would love to learn more about the community
@PreciousPenny hello! i'm pretty new here as well, so i am not the best person to ask about the community, but i hope you are able to connect with some people here :)
