Just want to be a better husband and father

I feel like I've grown impatient and short tempered lately. I can't keep up with housework, repairs and all the things I'd like to. I used to enjoy cooking for cookings sake, it was one of the things that attracted my wife. Now I can't get interested in cooking, or anything else really.

My oldest moved out to college and I miss her, my middle child has gotten a job and isn't around much. Most of the day it's just me, my 2 year old, and the dogs.

I left my job at the start of the pandemic to care for our toddler and to keep him out of daycare. my wife works a lot. This makes me feel really guilty even though we agreed that it was what was best for the family, and I miss having my own money.

I feel like my antidepressants aren't doing what they should. I probably use too much cannabis even though I'm very mindful of it, but some days it feels like the only thing keeping me sane. I don't even drink really alcohol because I'm terrified of substance abuse.

I dwell on the past frequently. I've been through a lot. Frequently, something will remind me of some incident and it's like I'm back there again. My heart will race, I'll break out in a sweat, this I feel is mostly when I become short tempered and impatient. I'm sure I have PTSD or something and am in need of actual therapy.