Mental health volcano
Sorry if its a long one but I'm really struggling....
My husband has finally exploded and walked out of the family home leaving myself and 3 children. His mental health has been an issue from day one early life trauma, mum died young, absent dad etc etc. We have our eldest together then split just after she was born moved on we both had another child with new partners but eventually got back together 6 years ago as I always said he was my true love the one that got away! We had a son 5 years ago and married 3 years ago. Life was great so I thought ..... He has always suffered and in his rages tells me he never wanted the kids etc etc but I ignored it thinking he didn't mean it and carried on. He doesn't work as he can't cope with having a boss and his mental health is bad so helps mates out now n again for a bit of extra cash. His mental health went bad and He moved out for a break last year but after 12 days and a huge discussion he came back and things where implemented for him to have it easy as possible ie me taking over kids, cleaning shopping etc ... Great was fab for a few months then he started smoking more weed and I could see him spiraling down into this black hole. I arranged appointments with his doctors got him meds etc he then said they weren't what he needed etc so stopped taking them. My illness became worse and I've had to start chemotherapy orally to try sort me out ... Wow he sprung back helped loads all be it for 5 weeks but it was great my hubby was back so I thought! Arguing started he'd tell my son 11 (his step) he hated him etc he was the cause of the arguments between us both etc etc you get the jist... Well he finally erupted on his knees with a knife to his wrists I had to call police kids begged me luckily they never saw this they just heard his shouting pots crashing smashing etc... and walked out. We have messaged and I've found out just how low he is and I feel terrible as I've failed him as a wife but I'm so hurt he has no emotions, feelings etc ..... What do I do? I wanna help so bad I love the man!
@blubberingmess23 I am so sad to read your post, I hope that things improve for you soon. You sound very strong and hopefully you can continue to be strong, know that there is support here for you.
Listening - One Step At A Time!
@blubberingmess23
You have to ask yourself how long you’re willing to put up with this. You should not have to babysit this man, and this is coming from someone with extreme codependency issues who was your husband about a year ago.
Before I woke the *** up.
I’ll never be cured, but my misery will never cause someone else’s ever again. I had to lose everything to learn that love is not an intense world destroying bond, but something that is patient, kind and secure. It’s supposed to be a warm blanket, not a fire that burns you.
the problem with twin flames is that they’re always on fire.
I am not a professional, and this is an opinion.
Hi. You havent failed him at all you have stayed by him supported him and got him help at the same time being a great mum protecting your children from the worst of it. It sounds like he needs more help now than you can give and i hope now he gets that help. I understand it must be so hard for you. Your doing a great job and you have done and are doing all you can. I really hope things get better for you and your family.
@blubberingmess23 You have a great heart and you didn't fail! I was the child in a family relationship similar to this. My mom was the one who took the brunt of everything - the trauma caused by my dad. I would want her to know that she didn't have to take it all on her shoulders for me. That she could be selfish. I hoped soooo long that she would be "selfish." (I'm almost forty now, so it's been decades) It did not matter to me to have two parents always there. It meant more to me to have atleast one healthy and happy parent, and to have an honest picture of what it means to be a healthy individual. As a older teen/ young adult, I encouraged her to get a divorce. There is a point where helping another person is destroying the caregiver. She did not get a divorce. I still greatly admire her, even though I wish things had been different. It made me so sad and traumatized to see her go through all that. I still struggle with the heartbroken feelings for my mom. You are a strong person and have been able to handle all this - imagine that you can apply that strength to healing yourself. Your children will be happy you did. It's your husband's responsibility to take care of himself and to treat his family right. If you're scared of him, then it's a sign he shouldn't be in your life. Again, you did not fail. You just deserve health and happiness - in so many ways, it's NOT selfish to pursue these things.
@blubberingmess23 Firstly, you are such a strong woman. I can already tell from your empathy toward your husband. However, you are your own person and you know what is best for your situation. Don't feel pressured to help him on your own as you did in the past, with the shopping and the kids. Just know that 7 Cups has a very supportive community of listeners to lift you back up if you need support ❤️ We are always here for you. With this in mind, what do you feel is best for you to take the next step?
