Not Feeling like Life is Worth Continuing
Jesus, even this site can't be nice to me... just erased my whole post because it was trying to randomly connect me to a Listener...
Every facet of my life is fucked up, I have no one, I generally like being alone, but I don't even feel comfortable in my own home, everything has been falling apart, I've spent most of the past year isolated in lockdowns in foreign countries. My mental health is so bad I now scare people off when simply talking to them about what's going on.. I cannot afford therapy. I have no one.
Hi @enlguy
I am not a listener. I am a newby, only just joined/found the site last night, with struggles of my own.
Your post was the first I saw and I felt compelled to reply. Lots of things to unpack in your post. Are you ok sharing a bit more detail about any or some of the statements below?
“Every facet of my life is fucked up” - In your own time, if you want to write about it.
“I’ve spent most of the past year isolated in lockdowns in foreign countries.” - How many countries? Why so many?
“I cannot afford therapy.” - Are the listeners on here not free?
“I have no one.” - One friend? One family member?
@brightBirch3312
Listeners are not therapists, are you kidding me!?!? Many times they do more harm than good (several experiences with this).
I have no family. They are dead or were disowned years ago after over a decade of abuse.
Because I travel, I've been working remotely and living abroad for years, it's what I've done with my life and filled it with great experiences and people, but this past year has really fucked that up. Serbia was first lockdown, then when that lifted so that the airport reopened, I tried to move to Portugal and wasn't let in because of a lockdown, wound up in Ireland in their lockdown, then that lifted a bit, I entered Portugal, and have now been in another lockdown here all this year.
@enlguy
you've got me 100% buddy
@enlguy
It can be frustrating but just hold on a bit dear friend.You will see light end of the tunner.We are all in same boat..Many of us do not have job and no family and learning to stay strong looking at others.So just hang in there..
You will be fine. I am over 40 and i feel more such hollow emptiness inside more often in 40 than i was in 20.I learnt it is all due to hormonal changes that happen in our body.So i try understand its not me its my haromones.So first i would start with good diet and lots of water and sunlight.
That will give bit relieft and then if they allow to go for a walk with mask on please make sure you walk daily 30 to 40 mins.You dont have to speak to people just smile and say hello ...slowly take one step at a time..You are need and we all are there with you ofcourse my boat is also drowning and what keeps me floating is i try to enourage others to float.
@enlguy Hi, just read your post, how are you doing now, feeling any better? Mental health can be very straining when you don't have anyone to talk with.
How are you feeling today ? I feel just like you were feeling when you posted today. I’m having an awful day. My heart breaks for you when you say you have no one. I have my son. He is 7. Literally my only reason for living. I feel so alone and my life feels like such a waste and I feel like because I always feel this way because of abuse mentally that I am ruining my son. He always sees me so sad. I put on a fake smile and happy act on all the time for him because I love him so much but I feel like he’s literally all I have. My trust has been broken so badly over and over and I just feel so broken all the time. Traveling alone and being stuck places must be so hard especially if your alone. I’m so sorry you have to live that way. I feel the opposite a bit. Covid and lock downs have almost felt like a relieve to me as I don’t have to been around people all the time putting on an act that I’m ok and having a good time as if I’m not stressed to the max all the time. Is there anywhere in your home that feels like a comfortable spot ? Not sure about where you are but I’m in Ontario and there is a lot of free therapy offered a lot but I feel like it doesn’t help. I feel like their replies to how I say I’m feeling like almost invalidates my feelings. I don’t know it’s weird. I just wanted to reach it out and say your not alone in the way you feel! Venting and getting it off your chest often helps me in the moment for a little bit but clearly doesn’t fix or change the situation so anytime you want to vent or talk your are welcome to msg me .. I’m new on here is there even a way to private msg people lol ... I hope today was a better day for you and I hope tmmrw will be a better day for us both !
Jaded is right, venting does help. And you aren't alone. This pandemic has been hard on everyone. I am also more comfortable alone, but its hard for me because I am a parent. As long as you come on here you are never alone.