What is wrong with me?
I know I am going to get a lot of hate for this post. And I don’t blame anyone because I hate myself for it too.
I got married in October of 2021- a small backyard Halloween wedding. I love my husband very much but I don’t think either of us were ready to be married but we felt the pressure of it and decided that it was best to get everyone off our back so we could enjoy our lives together.
Unfortunately, with the way the economy is right now, we were not able to afford to move out and are currently living in the space above our in laws. This has caused a lot of strain and stress on me as my mother-in-law has always given me a hard time and made me feel like I was not good enough for her son. During this time I was also unemployed and without a car. Essentially trapped in a place that I hate and felt very uncomfortable and unsafe in. My husband would work 12+ hours a day and I would feel like a damsel in distress locked away in her tower alone.
That was until I started to talking to someone that I had purchased weed off of. He made me laugh, he made me happy and most importantly he made me feel like I wasn’t alone. It didn’t take long for my heart to explode with love and happiness for this other guy.
I met him a few months ago and my husband has finally found out. He talked to me about it but did not raise his voice or make me feel hated/unloved/unwanted because of it. He was calm and asked me how we want to go about this. He wants to know if we can fix this.
I’m struggling so hard right now because I am so lost and hurt and I know I’ve hurt both of them too in this process. I don’t understand why EITHER of them would want me as this point as I don’t even want myself around. I’m stuck in a rock and a hard place. Because on one end I have a husband that loves me so much to the point that he would be willing to put this to the side to continue our relationship, but on the other side I feel like I am no longer happy with him. I feel very alone and I really don’t know what to do.
Let the hate begin…
@KayKay624
first off pls dont do drugs
second i don't hate you i understand it it's okay that you feel this way im sending support to you through via this comment ❤️
@KayKay624
I do not think you will get hate ...... more people then you know .......are in your shoes experiencing the same thing ........
it is easy when alone or bored and unhappy even if is unhappy about your living arrangement ........ once you start chatting with someone and they make you laugh and feel not alone........
i would suggest you might look up the term limerance before making any decisions....... it feels sudden and quite strong but if you chose that it may fade....as quickly..... perhaps you should try to find a job and make the best of the situation instead of mentally escaping from the house while husband is working a lot.
I appreciate your response. It makes me feel a bit better knowing that I’m not the only one. I feel like I’m going to be hated by a lot of people because of it.
Luckily I have recently found a job. Unfortunately I still feel like my husband is very distant even when I come home from work. He is more interested in his social media feeds and video games. I guess it just felt nice to feel loved/wanted by someone for once. I KNOW my husband loves me but it’s not shown very often.
You are human and You acknowledged that what you did was wrong. Your husband wants to work things out with you and truthfully I think that is a good place to start. Your husband listened and accepted what happened and stayed to work it out. The grass isn’t always greener on the other side. This other person may give you those little butterflies and escape from your reality, but when things get tough and the sparks fade, will he stick around? Will he support you?
i know you said you don’t think you love your husband, but your living arrangements have put such a strain on your marriage that you two haven’t had a chance to explore what it is to be married together. You went looking for comfort, love, and connection somewhere else. All of which should have been explored with your husband. So perhaps getting to know your husband again and expressing to him everything that’s making you unhappy, you guys can find a common ground. Perhaps even relight that love again.
I understand all of that. I was in a similar situation that your in now. My ending had both a happy and bad ending. We have all made mistakes but ultimately it’s your decision to make. I hope this was of some help. Good luck
Thank you so much for sharing that with me. I really do want to try to work it out but I’m nervous that there’s an underlying issue, there’s a problem with me and if things get bad again I don’t want to run and try to find happiness/love elsewhere again. I’ve already hurt him enough.
Take it a day at a time. We all have our own demons we fight and struggle with everyday. If you feel like your drifting that way come back here and put it out there.
Maybe sitting down with your husband and talking about what your expectations are for your marriage. I’m sure when you got married you expected your husband to do certain things that he may not be fulfilling. He may also have expectations your not aware of. Talk about the things that are making you unhappy and how you guys can try to fix it. Same for him to what could be making him unhappy.
It will take time for you both to heal and talking is a place to start. Ignoring the problem and burying it will not help. The more you bury the more it will eat at both of you. I hope you guys can really work it out 🙂
@amusingMoon4593
truth