Discovering compartmentalization

Hi everyone. I’m new here. I joined this morning in between my third and fourth panic attack of the day. My issues are caused by an extreme fallout with a Spouse Who admitted a few months ago to having a gambling addiction. I wish the gambling addiction was the only thing that mattered.

Instead of what were two people trying to right the ship and seek help, this turned into more discovery and deep, emotional trauma. I uncovered patterns that had been in place for years. Cheating, lying, financial infidelity and more was unearthed. This as I tried to organize counseling and a special workshop weekend to figure out how to support my spouse in getting out of an extreme amount of debt.

Since we’ve separated I’ve worked with my therapist to discover that this type of behavior stems from extreme compartmentalization of one’s self. That these behaviors are typically attributed to long-standing traumas that have never been integrated into a person’s psyche. What I thought was a marriage built on honesty and respect where I cared for and nurtured his trauma (In a loving and compassionate way) —Turned out to be a game. And one of us was playing by a very Dysfunctional set of rules.

So now that I’m safe and done doing the emergency response scenarios, my ruminating reached a crescendo this morning. Because my brain is now focused on betrayal. I’m trying to stop reliving every text message, every email, every receipt, every picture I found on his computer and phone.

So my trauma is fresh, lol. Like picked at its peak here, people! And I wanted to join this community to safely share but also look at your stories, reflect, and support all of you. I have a fabulous support network and I’m extremely fortunate. But what I don’t have are people with shared experiences.

Is there anyone reading this who dealt with compartmentalization on a very dangerous scale?