Lost in limbo
Two weeks ago I had a gut feeling something was off with my boyfriend. I been sick non stop since December I had rhinovirus as soon as I got over that I got hit with Covid then Flu A then pneumonia this is the first time I felt healthy in a long while so while my man slept I did go through his phone as I have in the past found sexual messages to another women.
He was texting two woman on FB one was innocent another one he went to her house they both told me he brought tired for her mom's car who she lives with. He and I went to go to a birthday dinner with my oldest daughter she asked what he was doing in that town he told her he was giving a "friend" a ride. This cut me to the core. He also got stuck in his truck ended up going mudding and he texted her you missed some fun just now should of been here but no text to me I was hurt majorly I know they say don't confront you significant other right away when emotions are high. But I couldn't seeing his sleep so peacefully when my world was shattering.
He also had a deleted thread on his phone from him ex gf who texted him on Valentine's Day saying she loves him and misses him. He didn't say it back but he did engage in the conversation for days and he didn't tell me. Anytime a man enters my DMs i tell them respectfully I have a man and then if they cross the line I block them but I tell him every time. I did message the girls two on FB wrote me back saying they were just his friends and when she heard about his ex texting him and him answering she sent him a long message putting him in his place about her screenshot it and sent it to me so I know there's nothing there she was just trying to find a place hiring in her town. The second one texted me back they are just friends never done anything more and that our relationship issues aren't her problem. His ex girlfriend hasn't even wrote me back nothing. He apologized said he was wrong and that he will do whatever it takes to make it right and to earn my trust back. He gave me his phone said block whoever I feel uncomfortable him talking to and if I ever want to look I can ask and he will give me his phone he even said he would go back to a flip phone if it made me feel comfortable and safe in our relationship.
We don't go on dates as our son is disabled it's hard to find someone to watch him with his condition. We barley spend time together I just I honestly don't feel like we are a real couple I just idk what to do anymore I'm so loss and on a emotional rollercoaster ride.
It’s hard to process feelings of betrayal, especially when your gut instinct tells you something isn’t right, and then you find evidence that confirms those fears. The things you discovered like him texting other women, especially in ways that felt intimate and secretive are definitely painful. It's completely natural for you to feel hurt, confused, and unsure about what to do next. The fact that he apologized and said he’ll do whatever it takes to regain your trust shows that he recognizes the mistake, but rebuilding trust takes time, and words alone might not be enough right now. What do you think would make you feel more secure and comfortable moving forward in this relationship?
@KB2025
I am sorry you were hit with all this after your string of illnesses. I must have felt like one more setback. What popped out of your post is your last lines .... of "not feeling like a real couple" and perhaps distant while still together.
IMO this is an issue with Many couples....... where one person flirts or talks with others or even end up in affairs. Does he feel you would like to have fun or doing things with him, like he texted the other women? Does he no longer even ask you because the obstacles of if you feel better or have care for child. what does he want in the relationship you must talk about this.
Connect with partner NOW... do not wait until someday .... or whatever happens next.
Find someone to watch your son or make time for partner. YOU both need this....... we all get busy in life and we tell ourselves we can't do this or that now maybe someday ..... something will ALWAYS come up........ this is the storm that will ruin relationships.
I speak from experience....long ago I was so self involved fighting a stressful work thing and long illness i did not include Him. Spouse flirted with others and eventually cheated, I forgave and worked on things Now it is my turn.....he is self absorbed was ill so "saves his energy" for what? i do not know ...... he never does anything with me ........does not connect or talk about things....... does not treat me like a wife but a roommate ....... so small flirts or someone paying attention to me...I have had long texts and chats and wondered what if... I see how easy it is to consider crossing that line .....when the CONNECTION is no longer there. When i am lonely in the same room as him.
SOMEDAY never happens ... find a way to fix now.
Sorry about that love, much love