40 and pregnant
Hi all. I’m divorced with two kids and was dating a toxic guy. I finally found the courage to walk away then found out I’m pregnant. I know I should terminate this pregnancy but am worried I will regret it in the future. I was a SAHM throughout my 10 year marriage and only recently found a contract job so finances will be tough. There’s no government aid in my country so not able to tap into that. Part of me feels like just terminating it quickly before more symptoms appear and make it more real. As it is, I can recognise the mild cramps common in early pregnancy already. The father knows about it and I had to break my no contact with him in order to inform him. He is willing to accompany and pay for the procedure but I am not sure if I should accept that as I do not want to get more emotionally attached to him. So many thoughts in my head and only a few friends know of my situation as I feel a little ashamed of this. Sigh.
Your body is your choice, you may feel guilt or relief for a bit and both are natural, I think it's whatever you think is best and whether you can give a possible child a good life anyway. I don't think I wrote this well but I hope it helps.
Thank you for your response. Really appreciate it.
I agree - your body your choice. I’ve had a similar experience and my heart goes out to you. Don’t hesitate to reach back out if you need additional support. There’s no shame here.
Thank you for this. Did you decide to keep the baby?
I was lucky in that it ended up being a false positive. I was also dating someone for a year in a toxic situation and this came up after we went our seperate ways and also after establishing no contact (blocking phones). I wasn’t feeling well and went to the doctor - they did a “range of tests” and they explained one was a pregnancy test and it came back as a “weak positive” and believed I was potentially in the middle of a miscarriage. I broke down. I’ve wanted a family but not like that, not in that situation. I was ordered to get an ultrasound and blood test ASAP. The doctors appointment was at 8.30am and the earliest ultrasound was at 3.30pm. I had to sit in this space all day going over everything in my mind. How could I manage this situation with this guy? All the toxic behaviour. Would I want my child around this behaviour 50%? Dealing with his opinions/beliefs: we’d already discussed “if we had children” - things like religion, disabilities, circumcising and weren’t in 100% agreement. He already had children and at that time wanted more. How he spoke to and about his ex wife - having him talk to me in the same way, talk to everyone like that about me? Could I do this alone or with the additional stress of him? Alone is one thing, but having his toxicity on top affecting my mental well-being is something else. On the other hand how would not proceeding impact me emotionally/psychologically? I don’t have children so at my age (mid-30s) what impact would that procedure have on my ability to get pregnant in the future? I was somewhere between numb and asking myself every question while I could still be somewhat objective about where I thought I might be and what decisions I might have to face. Although my situation was different to you, potentially our minds have asked ourselves the same questions. I completely feel for you here and the situation you’re going through.
