Anxiety is Lonely, Even at 46
Hi all. My name is Jay andI'm 46. I've been dealing with anxiety (and some other issues) since I was a teenager and can still vividly remember my first anxiety attack. I had no idea what was happening. It was terrifying and embarassing. Early in my life, when my anxiety would hit, the lower half of my intestinal tract would react immediately and I had a an incident where I couldn't make it to the bathroom while I was having the attack. It was traumatizing and unfortunately happened several more tiems in my lofe. It took another 10 years before I was diagnosed and even after all these years, I still struggle with it almost daily. The good news is, the lower GI reaction thing went away in my late 30s. The bad news is, it just switched to my upper digestive tract. My brain still races and i still find myself incapacitated by it every so often, but I'v elearned to manage way better over the years.
I've collected and developed a lot of tools, but I often still feel so lonely dealing with it. When I try to explain it to others, they often don't understand and have no context, so they think of it as just being down or "You just need to get out." or "Focus on the positive things." It's well intentioned but actually makes me even more hesitant to talk about it next time.
People also dismiss me or my condition becuase of my work or hobbies. I'm a company vice president. I've published three kids science books. I'm a Humanist Celebrant. I've climbed Mt Saint Helens. I speak at big industry conventions. And Ive hosted two successful podcasts. But NONE of that has anything to do with my anxiety and none of it means I'm not suffering (sometimes unbearably so) or that it can be just as severe as any physical condition.
It's one of the resaons I keep coming back to commnities like this. To talk to people who know exactly what I'm talking about and how it feels, especially at my age and stage of life. This past week over the holidays wa stough for me and not leaving the house becuase of COVID (I live in CA, USA) has made it worse. So I'm trying to lean into my comunities as best I can.
Thanks for having me just as I am and not judging...
@WEDway1971 Hi Jay, thanks for sharing your story! I'm throwing you lots of hugs rn while the festive spirit still last. First, I would like to apologize for my not-so-fluent english and messy writings, hope you'll still get the message. You remind me so much with a certain someone, so I feel like I wanna post something. Anxiety attack and what follows are not necessarily need any reason or causes to occur, but it sure has triggers. Although we've been living with them these whole years and learned to cope it, there will be something that's not going as we pleased. I'm glad people in this community are willing to open and share their thoughts that weighing minds, creating this very environment where we feel safe, heard and loved. Even when we'll just virtually be there, I hope you could feel less lonely and stand strong! I'm no expert or a smooth writer but I hope you'll be feeling better!
@WEDway1971 Hi! I am also 46 and suffer from many of the same problems. I am not quite as interesting as you are (just a humble school teacher), but I know those feelings. I will follow up on this message board to see how you are doing.
@WEDway1971....I can appreciate the feelings you are going through. I, too, am working with my anxiety. I have been using a meditation app that has a "course" on managing anxiety. I can only say it's a work in progress. But, I have been learning to recognize the physical feelings of anxiety and to observe the anxiety without letting it consume me. That is a work in progress too. More often than not, the anxiety consumes me. I appreciate the times I have been able to detach enough from my emotions to let it just pass on by. I am still struggling with it though. I just discovered how much my anxiety has affected my life (I'm 44). I feel like so much time and life was wasted because of my anxiety. Kudos to you for accomplishing so much, while managing the anxiety. Your story is inspiring to me. Things did not sound easy, but it offers me some hope that I can still live life. Having anxiety just sucks. So I hope you can be gentle and compassionate to yourself and congratulate yourself for what you have accomplished, cause you are dealing with a lot.