Comfortable but not connected
Good evening everyone..hope all are well...I'm new on here ..my first post. Anyway..my fiance and I have been together for 7 years but we've known each other for 17 ..we both were a support to one another during our very toxic and traumatic marriages ..by traumatic I mean my ex is in prison for 21 years and his ex is seriously mentally ill to the point of intitutionalized...3 years after our marriages imploded we got together ..we needed each other ...he had 8 kids and I had 4.. Most are grown now ..we have 4 teenager and we have one. 5 year old together ... We have a 16 year difference in age btw..He is a lovely and wonderfully intelligent man but when I try to express my hurt feelings over situations ..he has a way of making me feel 2 feet tall..like he can't get down to my level so to speak to even try to understand me.. I'm not an overly emotional person neither do I share easily so when I bring up a situation it is serious to me ...He doesn't realize or seem to put much value on being understood or understanding others..not that he doesn't care he just sees things from one sided perspective..the problem is that I am left resolve them personally by readjusting myself so I am not burdened by them daily I can and have lived like this for while but.... I am comfortable but don't feel connected
@gentleTown4130 I'm sorry to read this, this is sad.
It sounds like his needs are being met (comfort, stability), but yours are not (connection, vulnerability) and that can be tough — he may not understand what you need from a partner through discussion alone.
Particularly since your description of his communication seems to lack compassion, and maybe respect for the validity of your feelings.
I think I know how you feel. I’m in a loving relationship but my spouse is joy my rock or support system. It took me a really long time to figure that out and am now at peace with it. I am here for the support I need and deserve. I am here for you whenever you need someone to listen or talk to. No judgement or criticism. We are together in this.