Controlling, abusive, plus porn

I’m the worst. I am addicted to porn. I can all be controlling and abusive when I don’t get my way. I been like this for years. I have terrible separation anxiety. It’s like I want to do better. There’s no need to say but behind it. I recently got married and a issue with property and income became a problem. To be honest it was always there but I ignored it cause my wife said she would do what I asked. It didn’t happen and I was pissed. We got into tugging matches that I started. I feel so bad cause she is gone now and probably very well file for divorce. I feel so stupid cause man I want things to be better then what there are. I don’t think she realized how addicted to porn I was but one reason I am because my social skills not the greatest. I build myself up to say I’m not going to look at that stuff anymore but I always do. If I worked out as much as I watch porn I would be really fit. I just feel so stupid cause every relationship I have is broken except for me talking to my mom. Nobody like me for very long and sometimes. I’m about to be in my second failed marriage and I don’t know what to do. I’m embarrassed about the marriage failing to my kids, my neighbors, and our parents. I love my wife. I didn’t want her to have a house on the side in her name. This was the entire argument I couldn’t see past. I clowned last time we were together. Maybe I should have just ignored my beliefs and just gave in. I need help. I feel alone and I don’t like this feeling