For me turning 40 has gifted me the insight of how I'm surrounded by idiots!
Is it just me but I have found that as I have got older I've realised that the people who I considered friends are self absorbed and no where to be seen when I have struggles with my mental health. Yet when I'm needed by them I'm an on call psychologist. I've totally withdrawn from everyone apart from family. Feel abandoned
@plumPlane5879
I must say it is great to have self awareness and awareness of the behaviors of others!
But I think this is the moment that the old cliche' "ignorance is bliss" may be when we finally understand the true meaning of it. When we realize it, it's not easy. It's not easy at all and can be quite heart breaking to finally sit back and reflect.
In this life we have givers and we have takers.
I don't always think it's really that cut and dry. I think we also have givers that just need a moment or two to be a taker, so that they can feel better and get back to doing their giving again. I send you *hugs*
@SparkyGizmo thank you for you're kind message. 😊. Yes definitely reflection is a double edged sword. I promised myself that I will stay true to myself. I've had an horrendous year 2 bereavements, car crash, reported my father for pedophilia oh and I'm in my 3rd year of an undergraduate degree so deadlines and exams, sciatica, I work on a psychiatric intensive care ward which is intense. Not once has anyone of my so called friends asked if I'm ok. Oh God I sound like Meghan markle 😞
@plumPlane5879
Sounds like a very hard time for you and understandably so! This is quite a bit for one person to handle. I will be that friend that asks "are you doing okay". You have a right to your feelings. *more hugs* feel free to pm me or any other listener if you would ever like to chat!
@SparkyGizmo I suppose I'm just feeling rejected thank you so much for your kind words
@plumPlane5879
they have always been like that just with experience we are able to see it ;) I think another way of saying it "I won't suffer fools" is perfect
@scenicBerry2626 yes definitely! My tolerance is low . Reflected a bit on this last night and thought that maybe it's just time to move on, clear the decks 🤷♀️
@plumPlane5879 no need to clear the deck that's a bit drastic, situations change with everyone and at some point you enjoyed their input and company, just put them on the back boiler for a while- stretch out catch ups and meetings for a few weeks ect and see how you feel in a couple of months
@plumPlane5879 kinda know where youre coming from. Then kinda feel guilty for allowing this then reach the phase. Hang on i was right
If you're in the role of the friend others go to for advice then it is less likely friends will come to you when you need them.
When that happens I am super direct. I just told a friend last year: "You know how I told I've been going through a lot of stuff? I had really expected you to take a bit of an interest. But you changed the subject when I could have used some support. Like the support I've shown you over the last 5 years. Doesn't have to be much but you could ask me how I'm doing once in a while."
Never heard from him again.
I don't mind that too much. I will be there for friends even if they can't give the same level of support. But I do need some support every now and then. And at least, now I know. I can spend my time with people who can give back. But sometimes you have to go through a lot of people to find the ones willing to do that.
