Guy...
So this guy and I have been living in close proximity for about 2 years. We see each other in passing every now and then and exchange greetings. One day he asks me for my number, and I was very upfront about not wanting a relationship because I'm unfit, and that we can see if we can build a friendship.
He agreed and we exchanged numbers.
We spoke via text (not a phone caller type of person) for around a week straight...during that time he asked me to be in a relationship numerous times, in which I declined each time.
I explained to him that we're strangers who have exchanged greetings a few times, and asked him why he wants to rush.. he never answered that question.
When we first started communicating via telephone, he told me that he liked me a lot and that he wanted to be there for me and support me in any way that he could. That he liked talking to me and wanted to continue.
The last time I told him no, and asked him what's wrong with being friends... was 3 days ago.
I'm assuming that he got mad and blocked me or is ignoring me..since he never replied.
Was he genuinely interested and just felt defeated because perhaps he had worked up a lot of gumption to finally ask someone out that he really liked and is now disappointed and deflated?
Or is he just a desperately eager and lonely person with low self esteem who doesn't know his worth just willing to settle for anyone??
(He did say that he is single, lives alone, lonely, and has nobody)
Or was he just trying to use me to make someone else jealous enough to come back to him and be with him?
Perhaps the one who he really wants has somebody now, and he decided to get someone too? Maybe it's a *** for tat thing with them?? Maybe playing games.
Perhaps he saw me as a downtrodden spinster eager desperate and easy to manipulate??
(He did ask me for a picture of myself)
We're those red flags, or did he just genuinely see me as a nice person and wanted to lock in before anyone else did???
I really feel hurt sad and depressed now. I really did grow fond of him and developed a crush on him over the years...and I always hoped he would befriend me...
I am crushed, and keep constantly checking my phone hoping that he'd reach out to me...
Should I ignore him now if I see him in passing, or just wave and don't stop??
@lavenderCranberry3121 Lavender, dear one. He's not any of those things you mentioned about him.
Hers why (based on your account:
" he asked me to be in a relationship numerous times, in which I declined each time. "
He is totally right. He got tired of being ignored and moved on. I would likely do the same.
And if you really like him, send him some regards, ask him out. Action, not words or yadayada. Make a move.
I hope you guys can reach out, but if not, it wasn't meant to be.
Cheers.
@SteveMiller
You must not have read fully, or think his behavior was acceptable and appropriate.
Which it is definitely not.
No, I will not be reaching out to an mentally unhinged and unwell person.
Please stop blaming me for someone not respecting me. Please stop encouraging me to ignore red flags and tolerate anything from a person.
@lavenderCranberry3121
Based on what you wrote, he was ignoring what you wanted (a friend) in favor of what he wanted (a romantic relationship). A lot of people think they can change your mind and get what they want, without knowing what caused a person to want what they want - and what causes what someone wants is usually intense emotions coming from the memory of a past experience, or intense emotions coming from the idea of a future experience.
I do not give advice, but I will say that I know that you, and all miraculously perfectly imperfect beings, are completely deserving of getting what we all want, whether it is in agreement with what this other person wants or not. But, know that a lot of people choose to behave like spoilt brats when they do not get what they want, and that will manifest as blocking you, ignoring you, and not even respectfully explaining the why behind their behavior: he's a spoilt brat and expects you to find that attractive. lol There are so many people that he could approach, when you are clearly not available. His scarcity mindset is not your problem, and be grateful for that, I would say. HA!
I wish you strength and courage. We are all perfectly imperfect, even in that co-existing contrast of existence, here and now. :) <3
This has nothing to do with me and everything to do with him.
I was direct and honest with him about building only a friendship before we exchanged numbers. He agreed and said he was okay with it.
We've only spoke and exchanged hi byes and have a good day. That's it. We never knew each other names until recently.
We are strangers.
We know nothing much about each other.
The first day or two of us texting he asked me to be in a relationship. I declined. The following 2 days he kept on asking multiple times. I told him no.
He probably got mad and angry and blocked me.
He was never genuinely interested in me . He was just lonely, desperate and trying to use me.
I now see there were major red flags.
He never respected my boundaries. I shouldn't have to keep saying no. No means no. Respect me the first time I said it.
Red flag.
Plus he said that he's lonely, lives alone, and has no one. That he likes me a lot.
Red flag.
Second day of texting I asked him how he was, and he said I'm missing you.
Red flag.
I feel like I dodged a bullet.
He's creepy.
People like this man are controlling, manipulative, forceful, aggressive, doesn't know how to deal with rejection in life, have a lot of anger problems, and abusive.
He most definitely would have used me, try to control me, and abuse me.
@lavenderCranberry3121 I agree with you. You weren’t leading him on. You told him your boundaries upfront and he agreed to respect them. And then he didn’t. If he didn’t want to just be friends with you and let the relationship develop over time, he should have said so from the beginning. This isn’t about you, and any thought to blame yourself is wrong.
@lavenderCranberry3121 I totally think those were red flags. While I was reading your post, I was like Oooh, that's concerning, and I thought your post was going to end very differently. I'm glad you stuck to your boundaries and his loss if can't respect them. I'm also very sorry your had such ignorant responses to your post. I don't think they read the whole thing......you guys barely knew each other, and he was pushing you into a relationship and you wanted to move slowly and be cautious which is VERY SMART in the world we live in today!
@lavenderCranberry3121 I think you made the right decision here in refusing him. It sounds like you have a vulnerable situation going on from the few words you said here and there. Correct me if I'm wrong. This also seems to extend to your social life and you maybe have some form of isolation. I'm saying this as you never mentioned support or advice from friends or relatives.
The fact that this person was living close enough to you to watch your social interactions for 2 years before he attempted to make contact and then directly attempted to form a relationship with you gives me really bad vibes.. the sorta vibes you get from serial killers/abusers who choose vulnerable victims and first get close and intimate with them to avoid raising an alarm. The fact that he still keeps attempting to push a relationship when you're making a genuine attempt to at least try to get to know him in an aboveboard manner does not bode well for this person's mental state (as someone has already mentioned in this chat). I suggest you keep far away from this guy and if possible even move out quietly and change your number. This guy seems really unsafe and you really don't want to lose your life or worse for the possibility of a relationship (which I doubt is true from the way you said this guy acts)
Right decision, you just escaped a short time relationship. Congrats.
