Having trouble with making big decisions
Hello, I’m new here and came here based on the fact that I have a big decision to make and I need to vent and find advice from an unbiased person. I can be a very impulsive person but I’m froze on this decision because I’m afraid of being impulsive. I am married with two children and one from my previous marriage whom I have shared parenting with. My ex-husband is very narcissistic and impossible to coparent with. I regret ever thinking that shared parenting would work. My current husband and I both I want to move out of state. I hate the state that I live in. I have no family or friends that are worth staying for. The one thing that keeps me here is that I have a son from my previous marriage and I refuse to have another custody battle with. Life is too short to waste in court. The stress and issues it would cause just doesn’t seem worth it. My dream would be to just take him with me and his dad have him during breaks but his dad would never go for that. He has to have control. I’ve thought about just giving over residential custody and just seeing my son during school breaks. This breaks my heart to imagine but also think it may be better for him that way. He wouldn’t have to deal with the constant back and forth , he would have more stability and consistency. As it is now it’s hard to lay any ground rules when his dad works against them all. My biggest fear is that my son will think that I didn’t want him. Maybe I’m being overly dramatic because it’s not like I’m abandoning him and he’s 10 so he has some ability to understand. I just can’t get myself to make any decisions on it. It seems easier to just keep doing the same thing even though it isn’t working. Has anyone else had this experience or anything similar to help me understand if I would be making a terrible decision or not?
@courageousFriend2291 Hello, it sounds like you are considering three options: to move out of state and to fight for custody of your son to take him with you, to move out of state and to give up custody of your son, or to stay where you are and maintain the current arrangement. You've said that you refuse to waste time in court; that sounds like you have ruled out option number one. You've also written that the current arrangement isn't working; that sounds like you're unhappy with your third option. I'm hearing that the second option is what you want but you're afraid and uncertain of how this will affect your son. One way you could find out how he feels is to ask him. Also, there are ways to remain in contact with your son through letters, phone, email, texting, Zoom, etc. that would ensure he knows that he is not forgotten or abandoned if you decide to move to another state. I hope this helps. Feel free to message me if you want to talk more.
Thank you for your input. Actually taking him with me would be my preference but I feel like my best bet would be the second option in order to prevent any further undue stress on my son while being in a custody battle. I guess I’m just afraid of my son resenting me if I did the second option. I would still have visitation during school breaks. As a mom though I feel like it’s a horrible thing to do. Of course it wouldn’t be a big deal if I was dad. I keep thinking what if I miss something that I should have been there for? Also I have no interest in coming between him and his dad. I understand that his dad plays an important role in his life as well. I just don’t know what it looks like to take the back burner per say as a mother. I don’t really trust his dad to have the same outlook on preserving my role as a parent that I do so I’m a little defensive. I try not to involve my son too much in adult decisions but I have asked him how he would feel and what he would want . He goes back and forth about it because of course he wants both of his parents there as much as possible. He does however like the idea of living in another state whether it’s during school or during school breaks.
