I still miss my ex boyfriend of 2 years.
Hello :( Recently it’s been hitting me hard lately, missing my ex boyfriend of 2 years that I also wrote thread about on here as some of you may know. I’ve been crying again about him and feeling this emptiness all over again. I still miss him so much… I know it’s been 7/8 months since he broke up with me in April but I still ask myself what went wrong and why did I have to care so much about him because that is what basically pushed him away to break up with me. I asked him 2 questions, the questions were asking did he still love me and he couldn’t answer them. He broke up with me. I still wonder why he gave up on me so easily. Part of me still hopes that he will come back one day and that one day we will meet again in the future irl. He has already moved on and dated 2 people ever since he broke up with me and is currently in the other relationship still while I can’t even move on or get into a new relationship with someone new because I still love him so much and feel like I will never love anybody the same way ever again or give them my all in a relationship. I have to distract myself from thinking about him or being left alone with my thoughts. And I know he probably doesn’t want to hear from me and would only hurt my feelings with his words again so I just don’t bother because it’s no point in doing so. But I still really miss him alot and just wish things didn’t end the way they did. He broke up with me out of anger… he didn’t even listen to what I had to say. I always feel like I’m fighting a battle and no one is on my side. It’s like a drowning feeling, and no one there to help you. I know people say that healing takes time but how much longer??? I’ve been “healing” for months now and I still feel emptiness and miss him while he’s probably not even worried about me at all. I don’t know how people can move on so quickly. Why do I have to feel pain while he’s with someone new? It’s not fair.
I’m starting to believe that this “healing process” is all a fake. There’s no healing, it’s just you start to live with the pain and I can’t take it. It hurts too much. It’s just gonna start building up anger inside. I wanna scream at him. I just wish that he could understand how I felt, how heartbroken I feel, how when I see his name, I breakdown into tears, how he made me feel, how much he hurt me. I wish he would just realize that. I just wish that he really truly understands how I feel about all of this. How I miss him when he doesn’t miss me at all. The feeling of someone you love, leaving you out of anger and saying hurtful stuff to you. The feeling of missing someone when they don’t miss you back. I wish he could just understand how I am feeling right now because he doesn’t get it. He doesn’t get how I feel. He thinks I just need to “move on”. But it’s more than that. He doesn’t understand how hard it is for me to MOVE on. Especially when you love and care for someone then one day, they decide to break up with you out of their own anger and what’s going on in their own life. My apologizes for caring too much about him. I thought that was what I was supposed to do but he wanted to tell me to *** and got annoyed of me.
Then told me after he broke up with me “hope you find someone better” I wanted him. I wanted him to be better. He always gave up on us every chance he could. He never even once fought for our relationship. I always had to fight for us. He never even gave a real reason why he was breaking up with me. He used my mental health as an escape route. He said that he wanted to wake up to happy messages from his gf and not someone who starved themselves. When I was trying me best. I was in the worst mental state then but he didn’t notice because he never listened to my vents. When I asked could I vent or talked about my problems, he would reply late or not respond to them at all. I asked permission first could I vent to him because I know sometimes people don’t want to just read vents unexpectedly and have their own problems so I always asked permission first could I vent to him. He would say yes but he never supported me when it came to my mental health… So I was just trying my best to be there for him and be a good loving girlfriend to him while I used to cry everyday with no one to talk to about what was going on through my head.
I know some of you are probably asking why do you miss him then if he treated you poorly? Because I loved him more than I love myself and sadly I still do love him and care for him. I don’t want anything bad to happen to him because if so, I would be hurt even more. I know he hurt me, but sometimes I wish we could just talk again :(
hello there, thank you for sharing your story and I’m sorry to hear you’re going through all this heartache. I’ve also experienced heartache lasting a long time like yours. Also, that’s not uncommon, and it’s quite natural when you care so much about someone or have strong attachment to feel that way. But I can tell you that there can be “healing” - it’s not fake, in my personal experience, nor does it have to be some big ordeal. In fact, you may eventually come to the conclusion this was all for the best, even if it still feels so bad right now. Why? Because in your description, it seems clear he didn’t support you in a way that was important to you - supporting your mental health, just through a willingness to listen to you. Were there other ways in which he couldn’t meet a key need of yours like that? Maybe you need to try highlight the ways in which the relationship wasn’t good for you, beyond just desiring for him as a person. What you want is a situation in which you have those types of needs met by a partner. Wouldn’t that feel good - a relationship where that was possible and not strained? I’m not a relationship expert, but I do believe that’s actually where relational happiness is found, and I believe you can find that. But the reality seems to be that he was apparently unwilling to meet certain of your needs from the start.
The other thing I want to mention is it’s not clear how someone feels just from the outside. Perhaps he is upset about what happened and has feelings about it, but just doesn’t show it. Just because he dated other people since doesn’t necessarily mean he doesn’t care. You don’t have to project that onto what’s happening because it may not even be true at all.
I hope you aren’t too hard on yourself and realize that you can love again despite whatever you may feel in this moment.
@Jigaram Hi, Thank you so much for taking the time to reply, it means alot to me.
And yes that is true, but when will I finally come to that conclusion of feeling like it was all for the best? It’s been 8 months now and I still cry about him and feel emptiness. Yeah, he didn’t support me when it came to my mental health or listen to what I had to say :(
And I’m sure he doesn’t have feelings about it or cares about the situation at all. He made it clear tbh. Pretty sure he is showing the true feelings of him not caring at all. And yes it does, because why would he date other people if he did care? He doesn’t care about me :/ If he did, he wouldn’t of hurt me in the first place. I wish I didn’t have emotions, I wouldn’t have to go through all this pain. And yeah it’s true, he doesn’t care at all. He made that pretty clear when he did what he did. I don’t want to get false hope because what’s the point.
Thank you, I appreciate that but one person messed it up for me. I don’t think I can ever love somebody or trust someone ever again because of what he did to me. Then they’ll end up leaving or something. My mental health can’t handle that. I’m never mentally prepared for that kinda stuff. It drains me too much that I just can’t do it anymore. He took all my love with him and I haven’t got it back ever since. I’m never falling for somebody harder ever again. See where it got me. Heartbroken. Love sucks. I hate it so much. I have so much anger now. I wanna scream at him so much. And I can’t even say I hate him because I don’t.
Being nice and sweet, and caring got me nowhere but being heartbroken by somebody I thought would never do that to me. I never expected it. I’m still in shock.
@strwberryhearts we can talk
@niceDime6038 Okay, thank you!! I appreciate that :))
Embrace your feelings and don't try to push them away or distract yourself. For you, your feelings are rooted in one basic desire that you broke everything down to.
You also deserve to have someone that loves you, and if your ex does she may very well come back, but if not, although you might not want to think of it in that way, you will be better off without her. Stick with the dharma, really try to mediate and accept the noble truths. We can't be responsible for how others feel, what they desire, what they believe and want. To try and control them will or desire to control them, it will only ever end in suffering and more tears.
Acceptance will set you free, and it won't always be easy, breakups are painful and you will feel pain. Accept this. It's okay. Letting go of what was won't invalidate what was, and it won't invalidate you.
Wish, or pray, that both of you - and perhaps all beings, ultimately - have happiness and the causes of happiness, that you avoid suffering and its causes, etc. Wish that whatever is truly best happen for both of you, and commit to trying to do your part in that.
Breakups can be hard, I think, and sometimes it's because we wonder what we could have done differently, or we dwell on interactions, or whatever. But the truth is, I think, sometimes it is best for people to go different ways, and in time, that can become more clear. That doesn't mean you have to hate the other person, or wish them ill, or even really forget about them - you can still, on a certain level, have good wishes in your heart for an 'ex'.
