Lost in Alaska
I moved to Alaska to be with my fiancé and he passed away. During the same time- a friend of mine of 30 years- his wife of 25 years passed away. This guy started to pursue me and even though I felt in my heart that I wasnt ready- I moved in with him and sold my house. We have been together a little over a year now and I am still grieving the loss of my ex. It’s been difficult for me especially because my ex made me feel like I was the only light in the entire world. My guy now is more practical than emotional and has even stated- “as long as you f me and feed me I’m good!” Well wtf about me!? I feel completely at a loss because guy #2 is all around a good man despite his lack of compassion- I want to get over guy #1 because he is gone and there is nothing that I can do to change that. I feel trapped. This is the only time in my life that I have ever lived with a man in his home- they have always lived with me. My mental well being is at an all time low- I’ve gained 50lbs in a year and have debilitating anxiety about leaving the house any more. I’m crying everyday and have no friends or family to turn to.
😢
Hi Nwsalmonberry. I'm sorry that you've been experiencing these struggles.
I think it's important in times of high anxiety and crippling stress to just take a step back and breathe. You are much stronger than you realize yourself to be.
If you currently have no one who you feel comfortable with reaching out to in this situation, I would suggest trying to reach out to someone new like an online therapist or meeting new people around your area, basically trying to form new connections with people.
Just reaching out and making those new connections may not seem too helpful at first but in time, those new connections and relationships may lead to major improvements in your life. Sometimes all it takes is just meeting one person to significantly change your life for the better.
The world can be scary. Losing people, meeting toxic people or people who are apathetic towards your pain can be traumatizing. But we can't let those tragedies define us. It's still important to take those leaps of faith with trusting people. Even if you meet one trustworthy person after meeting five untrustworthy people, meeting that one makes it all worth it in the long run.
And remember to not hesistate with trusting yourself in regards to how you feel about people or yourself. If you don't feel comfortable being around someone, trust yourself and don't hesitate to surround yourself with other people you feel more comfortable with.
I hope this message helped you in some way. Wish you the best of luck.
@Nwsalmonberry Thank you for sharing your struggles, thoughts and feelings with us. It sounds like you are at a very low point. I am sorry about the loss of your husband. And I am sorry that guy #2 isn't treating you the way you deserve or desire. I have heard that Alaska can be bitterly cold and unforgiving and isolating, especially when you don't have a lot of support nearby.
I wonder if maybe a change of scenery will help? Is there somewhere else that might offer support, where you could stay with friends or relatives until you figure out next steps? Or even just take a few days and go on a little trip?
It may also be helpful to reach out to a listener. You can do so at www.7cups.com/BrowseListeners/ You can also search for those with lived experience in situations such as loss, grief, depression. or anxiety. I really hope that you can find encouragement and support here at 7cups.
Im so sorry you have to experience this, im here if you need anyone, this is so hard for you i can imagine😭 im alicia! Please dont cry alone, i felt that and loneliness hurts the most
@Nwsalmonberry I am so sorry for your loss and your struggles. You are not alone, please know there are people here who will chat to you 24/7. I understand the ache of loneliness but don't try to forget your love that passed away, he sounds like a true gentleman, keep his feelings for you alive in your heart and let it give you strength to walk away from the current situation. He's not for you, you deserve much more.
@Nwsalmonberry The man you're currently with is trash. Dump him.
We are in the same situation!
