Suggestions on how to cope
I am almost 42 years old female. No kids, no stable relationship and now I am starting to feel disconnected from my closest friends. On the other hand, I have a fulfilling job and I am studying.
There are 2 events that I found to be quite difficult to cope with:
1) I shared a flat with a woman that became a very close friend. At some point, during the pandemic we started to grow apart. She moved out and after a few months went completely silent with me: no return to messages or calls. We are part of a greater group of friends and I see her from time to time. In my last b-day I invite this group to show up. I was quite surprised that she showed up. But again, silent after that. I feel like I was friend ghosted, but not fully since I still have contact in group events.
2) I have a quite complicated relationship with someone that I like for about 4 years and half. From the beginning I said I would like to try something real with him and he said he could not envision a future with me. We do a lot of things together. He says is not sure of moving for a serious relationship. From time to time we grow apart and then come closer again. At some point last year I found he was on *** and I told him I was not ok with that since he was actively looking for someone else. He told me he wanted solely to chat since he works at home and never gets the chance to meet new people. I disagreed, since if you wanna meet people there are several other activities you can make. He also says that I get to know a lot a people, and it's truth because of my job. During our grow apart moment he slept with someone from ***. I am hurt, not because he slept with someone but because he put my health at risk. He said he was not looking for it but I told him if it was a *** date, the possibility of sex is statically high. It's like he is making excuses for this behavior. I feel he likes my company, but he is waiting for the next big thing, like I am the entry until the main dish is served. I tried to disconnect several times... But we always came back together.
The above mentioned moments make me feel there is something wrong the way I act. More, like people do not care of I am being hurt. I am trying to cope with this, but I cannot stop to think that this is somehow a problem on how I relate to people. Adding to this, I am feeling that my closest friends are growing apart: some have kids, some are changing locations and some just decided to be apart to personal reasons. I am feeling demotived and even the things I truly enjoyed are being difficult to do. It's like all my energy is being sucked away.
What do you think can be good suggestion to cope with this?
@purplePlum4019 Hello. First of all, thank you for being so open and honest about those raw, difficult moments that are shaping your relationships with others. Secondly, of course these "losses" (for lack of a better word, I can't think of another one at the moment) have you re-thinking your past, relationship history, and your actions or reactions to others.
I cannot tell you what will make the pain go away, because I feel like that is a very personal, individual thing, and if course I would not want to steer you in the wrong direction. You know yourself better than I do! However, I do know that with time, losses can fade. I also know that getting "burned" or "ghosted" can make you more cautious in the future - which is a coping mechanism that we use to protect ourselves from future harm.
If you would like to talk 1-1 about what you've been through, and what you are thinking or feeling, please reach out to a listener: www.7cups.com/BrowseListeners/ Sometimes, just talking about it with someone else can lighten the load and lift our spirits.
I do hope you can find healthy ways to move forward.
Take care of yourself!