Venting/ Need some advice about something
So, the guy that I had a crush on, we’ve been talking for a few months, he said that he liked me back in the beginning of us talking but now everything has just went downhill. For one, he constantly asks me to send him nudes all the time nonstop. I’ve never met a more disrespectful guy. Looking back at my past relationship of 2 years, me and my ex got to know eachother, we talked about our interests, we had a connection. He was respectful and never treated me like I’m just some object. Our relationship was genuine and passionate, that was real love. But sadly he broke up with me and has been in a new relationship for some time now. I can’t find my soulmate when I’ve already lost them. The crush on this guy I’ve been talking to has started fading because of him constantly asking me for inappropriate things. It’s a turn off. I can’t trust him, one minute he claims he “likes me” next minute he has “seeing someone” in his profile. I know what love is and this is definitely not love, he does not love me. I don’t have time for someone who is going to continuously lead me on and give me false hope for something that isn’t there. And I don’t want to be dealing with someone else’s man especially if they are taken and are already in a relationship because that is wrong on so many levels. He is single but it’s confusing with him, I want to be for sure if he’s single or not. I don’t want to be talking to someone who already has someone. I’ve been thinking of cutting them off and stop talking to them because of this. It’s kind of starting to piss me off. Fucking around with multiple people isn’t cute or something to be proud of. He says he’s not a player but I don’t believe him.
If I were you, I'd cut him off the moment he asked for nudes! It shows that his idea of a relationship has a different meaning to him. You know what you want in a relationship, and you've listed some red flags with this guy. Even when you have a crush on him, he doesn't seem like he's taking you seriously. Players don't often admit they are players, as it is their norm. I think it all comes down to what you want in the relationship, if you want to give him any chances to become the guy you wanted your crush to be like, or if you want to test the waters a bit longer to see if he'll change, etc.
@strwberryhearts
@Jaeteuk Thank you so much for the advice :) I didn’t think anything of it at first to cut him off when he first asked because I thought he would only ask once and respect my answer of telling him no but he simply didn’t listen to me and kept going over my answer and continued asking me for nudes. Over the time, I’ve began to lose interest because of that. I don’t want a relationship where I don’t get to know the person or the person has no interest of getting to know me. He also got upset one time when I wouldn’t send him any pictures. I constantly tell him no but he doesn’t seem to respect that. I won’t give in though and send any inappropriate things because I don’t do that type of stuff and never have.
For guys to ask us for inappropriate pictures, is definitely a red flag and shows that they don't respect women. I think even if he had stopped after you've said no, he still doesn't seem like a good person to have a relationship with. Even having that thought coming from him and requesting it from you, that is already not a good start of any relationship.
@strwberryhearts
@Jaeteuk Yes I totally agree. And he thinks that just because he sent me pictures and videos etc that I HAVE to send some stuff back when first of all, I didn’t ever ask him to send me anything like that. I just wanted to get to know him, have genuine conversations, and things like that but he wants to start off us talking showing all his red flags already. We’ve only been talking for a month now I think? And he has already called me a bitch, talked about my mental breakdowns, said I was annoying and much more. Then says “sorry” as if I will forget what he said and how those words hurted me. Usually overtime in the relationship people show their true colors but he didn’t hesitate to show me his at the start of us getting to know eachother.
In a way, it's good he has shown his true colours to you at the very beginning. Wow, it's already been a month of staying connected with him?! You should definitely cut him off completely now!~
@strwberryhearts
@Jaeteuk Yeah, it helps know what he would be like while in relationship. And I don’t know how to cut him off without being mean or rude. I don’t want to necessarily hurt his feelings or just end up on bad terms etc but I’ve been feeling uncomfortable and just anxious. I don’t know what to do.
@Jaetuek I’m currently asking him is he in a relationship because I don’t want to be talking to him if he is and he keeps on avoiding the question with pointless bullshit. He is pissing me off because it’s such a simple question to answer. Because not so long ago today, he recently set his status to “seeing someone”??
For someone to ask inappropriate pictures of you, I don't think you can trust him, even if he says he's not in any relationship. His idea of a relationship is completely different than what you expect. He may not speak the truth, because he wants to keep abusing you, and see if you'll send him any pictures in the future to please him.
@strwberryhearts
@Jaeteuk Lately it has been hard to trust him, I don’t trust him one bit no matter how nice the stuff he says, I can’t believe him. And him constantly asking for nudes from me keeps pushing me away from me starting to try to trust him. I’ve told him that him asking me over and over for nudes isn’t gonna help me trust him at all. And I don’t understand why he won’t just tell me if he’s seeing someone and doesn’t actually have any interest in me or doesn’t love me like he said when we first started talking, which was another major red flag? It was more like a weird feeling, someone telling me they loved me when just getting to know eachother. I just want him to be honest with me and just tell me that he doesn’t like me back like he said because he is wasting my time. And I hope he’s not telling me because he just wants to keep me around for his convenience or like a second choice because I don’t want to be a second choice to anyone or for anyone to just keep me around for their convenience, it’s not right.
You don't need to worry about hurting his feelings. He's already been so disrespectful of you, and he probably does the same to other women. I'm pretty sure many other women he has contacted had also seen the red flags and had cut him off. He'll probably brush it off and target other women, hoping that one will give in. How are you chatting with him, through those dating apps or personal accounts? I would just tell him how he's making you feel, and that this isn't want you wanted in a relationship. Then, don't have any expectations from him that he will change for you, don't give in, even if he says he's sorry. Just delete/remove his contact. If you drag this relationship out any longer, it will just turn toxic on your end. You deserve to be treated with respect, we all do!~
@strwberryhearts
@Jaeteuk I don’t want to be mean to him though :( And yeah that’s true, he probably won’t think anything of it but I don’t know how to cut him off if I am planning to. And I’m chatting with him through social media platform. I tell him how he makes me feel but he just says “shh” or tells me to go to sleep or either calm down. A few days ago I asked him did he like me back and it took him so long to answer the question. When he answered the question he said “I give up” as if he did something and was the one crying, wondering did their crush like them back? No he wasn’t. Then he wanted me to name stuff I like about him but then when I asked him what did he like about me he said “this isn’t about you” but it was just making conversation, it doesn’t matter who it was about, but he took it personally. The guy’s that I’ve been with have been nothing but assholes to me. I haven’t found a decent guy yet who actually cares about me and listens to me, cares about my mental health and who loves me the way that I would love them. It’s always me who’s caring too much and always fighting for someone to love me and it’s hurts.
To be honest, he just sounds like a perverted guy. To say he loves you from the beginning, asking inappropriate pictures of you, being unclear whether or not he's in any other relationships; it seems like he has a different purpose in meeting women. He only sweet-talks and says he's sorry, only to keep you in his control, and aims for the women he talks to, will give in and meet his desires. He's not looking for a serious relationship.
@Jaeteuk Yes true, he’s just been making me feel so confused all of the time and questioning where we stand everyday because one minute things are good between us but then when he can’t get what he wants, things are bad and repeat. He doesn’t really sweet talk, mostly half of the conversations are him asking for nudes and just sexual stuff. I looked back at the chat with him and half of the stuff is just that. And he said that he was in a relationship in the past but I still don’t trust if he’s loyal or not/ or a player because what I’ve witnessed, he seems like someone who leads people on and gives them false hope, from the month of knowing him, that is my opinion, I dunno how anybody else in his past feels about him. And for some reason, it’s like once I confessed about my crush on him, all of his “friend girls” want to say stuff in his comment section etc. It’s just weird and makes me uncomfortable, I don’t like it.
@strwberryheartsb you need to drop him he's toxic he's just trying to seem cool by using multiple people no matter what he says don't believe him stay away from him block him and if he doesn't leave you alone tell him your willing to press charges and that if he doesn't stop you will get a restraining order on him. stay safe don't trust him hope you are doing well.
@quinnsdrift227 Thank you for the advice, I appreciate it :”) I don’t know how to cut him off because I don’t want to seem rude or hurt the person’s feelings in the process of it. It will be hard on me to deal with because I’m a really nice person and don’t like hurting people in any way. I guess that’s why so many people take advantage of me and hurt me badly without not caring about my feelings and how it affects me. That’s why I try my best to never hurt anyone’s feelings or say anything hurtful because I know what it’s like to get hurt over and over again and no one there to help you get back up again.
@strwberryhearts okay i get it I feel this way alot and at times i get in trouble because i have the exact same mind set but now i've learned that i can be this way and that it's okay and i've continued to be this way even tho it has cost me. but one thing i've told my self is that when it comes to my safety i need to put myself first i need to put these feelings aside and i've followed it and believe me because of this i saved my self from an abusive relationship. remember sometimes you absolutely need need to put yourself first. so i hope you understand what i'm saying just text the dude say " look i'm sorry but i can't do this anymore. plus i like someone else. take care i don't want to continue talking to you. sorry if this hurts you but it's the truth" and just block him if it hurts him well u already apologized and when u block him u don't have to listen to him abuse you cuz he can't say anything this is ur life dear take the lead. I'm not telling u to stop being nice i can't because ik how you feel i'm the same way all i'm saying is put yourself first. good luck hun hope i was of help to you.
@quinnsdrift227 You are completely right, I understand what you mean. It’s hard for me to have control over my life because I don’t want people to think I’m rude or mean and dislike me because of it. I care too much about others feelings more than my own and it’s killing me. I don’t know how to even tell him that I want to cut him off if I do. I usually just deal with them problems or people taking advantage of me and just treating me badly until they decide to leave from my life. After they’ve mentally drained all of my energy, and took my happiness with them all the time, I let people walk over me. I don’t know how to stand up for myself and tell people to stop or if I’m uncomfortable. And I hate it. I don’t know how to put myself first and stop caring about others. And thank you so much for ur advice. I truly appreciate it, it means alot 🤧🤍
@strwberryhearts for now maybe you could do what i recommended and say what i said and next time i'm sure you'll be able to do it yourself. but again it's up to you.
@quinnsdrift227 Okay thank you so much :”)) Hopefully I do get the courage to speak up but it’s so hard to do, I’m too afraid to right now
I'm also someone who's always considering other peoples' feelings. Making sure things I do and say will not affect how they feel in any negative way. Over the past year or so, I've come to realize that sometimes, I just can't keep everyone happy, without affecting my own emotions. I think in any type of relationship, we need to take care of ourselves first. We need to feel comfortable in our own shoes. Our emotions and feelings are equally as important as the person we are interacting with. Taking control of your life is for your own good. Cutting him off, you are doing this for you.
I'm sure you want to feel better about yourself. Mentally, physically, and emotionally. You deserve to be treated with respect, and for people to like you for who you are. It's obvious that when people take advantage of you, it drains all your energy and you're not happy. So, you need to stand up for yourself, take control, show them that they can't just walk all over you. I know it's hard at first, when you haven't stood up for yourself before. You will get used to it after you've repeated it a few times, then, you'll start feeling good.
Some people may feel hurt along the way, but that is normal. If people end up not liking you because you stood up for yourself, maybe they aren't that good of friend anyways.
@strwberryhearts
@Jaeteuk Thank you, I agree with you 🤧 It’s so hard for me to do and I never know when is the right time to do so. I don’t know when or how to cut him off, I’m scared of the outcome. I don’t know what to do. This whole situation is making me feel anxious and just overwhelmed, like I’m going to cry. I want to stand up for myself but I can’t. I was so ready to cut him off a few days ago because of something he said that pissed me off, but I didn’t.
In this type of toxic relationship you are in right now, any time is a good time to cut him off. The outcome is that you're doing this because you want to be free from all the anxiety and stress that he is making you feel. If you're afraid of what he'll respond with, just block/delete him before he responds. Remember, you're cutting ties with him no matter what. So, you don't need to wait for a response. If you keep dragging this on, in the end, you're the only one that will feel hurt. Especially when it sounds like his actions will just keep repeating, it's a vicious cycle. You need to take control to break that cycle.
@Jaeteuk Yeah that’s true, but I’m scared to cut him off. I don’t know when to. Days ago I was ready to cut him off but now I’m not. I have to mentally prepare for this kind of stuff, it’s never been easy for me. It takes me like a whole month or more to build up courage to do something like that. Or I either just let people walk all over me and they end up leaving me for I won’t have to say anything to them, I let people just hurt me because I’m scared of saying anything.
@strwberryhearts you should do anything you are not comfortable with, so i believe you should cut him off now and straight tell him to stop asking you that since you are uncomfortable and dont wanna send him those kind of pictures. If he goes on, just block him and ignore him, ask for help if it gets worse (although i hope it doesn't!I)
@AguustinaReckless I don’t know how to cut him off :( I’m scared to do so and don’t wanna hurt his feelings. And yes that true, I told him long time ago that I won’t do anything or send anything that makes me feel uncomfortable.
@strwberryhearts you don't owe him anything. He clearly doesn't care how he makes you feel with his requests, so it is time you put yourself first and just tell him you do not wish to continue seeing him/chating with him
@AguustinaReckless I know, but I’m scared 🤧 I don’t know what to do. I’m not mentally prepared for this.
☺️@strwberryhearts take your time honey, no one is rushing you! take some time for yourself and to think about it
@strwberryhearts
Hello,
That all sounds very concerning! He sounds like his lack of morals makes him very dangerous. I would suggest you ignore or so called "ghost him" But it seems you are to delicate right now! Advocate firmly, sometimes we must stand up to our fears. You can tell him you've lost interest?? I just get the feeling that he is a predator. practice some safety alertness
Blessings, Day
@juliak1968 Thank you and yeah it is :”( I don’t know what to tell him really. I have to mentally prepare myself for this kind of stuff and I’m not ready anymore. I’m not prepared.
It is extra difficult to assert ourselves but the alternative often is worse. I'd think if you stop contact he soon with focus on somebody else. Sending hugs and strength!~
Blessings, Day
@juliak1968 Yes, thank you so much :”) He probably talks to other people anyways while talking to me. He still won’t answer the question is he in a relationship or not. He told me “don’t worry about it” when I have all right to be wondering.
@strwberryhearts Can I just tell you from someone that has been in the same place and did not follow my gut, that you should follow what your gut is telling you. If you don’t trust him you likely never will and there is probably good reason you don’t trust him. Give yourself some time but you will see that you made the right decision to cut him loose.
@considerateHuman1586 Yeah, I recently messaged him not so long ago about how we shouldn’t be friends anymore/ not talk anymore and he doesn’t seem to care, he didn’t even respond to half of the paragraph I sent on why. He thinks that it is some kind of joke. One of the reasons were because half of the time he just asks me for nudes, and stuff like that then he told me that he wasn’t the one who wanted the chat to be sexual but half of the time he will beg me for nudes and stuff like that. Then he tries to tell me what to do and will get mad if I don’t listen. Then I can sense some hater vibes from him because it’s such a problem with me but other girls he has no problem. Like why is he hating on me? Then he still can’t answer if he’s in a relationship or not, I have the right to know why. He told me “don’t worry about” I’m pissed off.
At this point, it doesn't matter if he's in a relationship or not. He obviously has no interest in having a healthy relationship and clearly doesn't care about you, or take anything you say to heart. He seems to be staying neutral, keeping silent to your questions of curiosity, only to keep you connected. He is not someone worth having a crush on.
To prepare mentally, try and think, that he has already made you feel so uncomfortable, had ignored your questions, been disrespectful by asking you for inappropriate pictures, taking advantage of your kindness/vulnerability, etc. It is time you put yourself first and stand up for it. You don't need to feel like you'll hurt his feelings, he has hurt yours too many times already and doesn't seem to care (mostly likely continue to). So, you don't need to feel bad you'll hurt his feelings either. Since you already don't believe or trust him, knowing that there's nothing going on; you just need to get rid of him. If you're afraid of hurting his feelings, don't say anything to him. It's Social Media, right? Just block him/delete him completely.
You need to take care of your own mental health, and staying in contact with him, is clearly putting you in a very bad spot. You are cutting him off for you own good, I'm pretty sure you'll feel better, mentally, after ending this toxic relationship with him!~
@strwberryhearts
@Jaetuek Yes thank you so much, he is acting like what I said is a joke and that I’m not being serious. He only responded to half of the paragraph only one thing. He wanted to make it seem like he was the innocent one and that he wasn’t trying to have the conversation sexual all the time but he kept asking me for inappropriate pictures a thousand of times. And I agree, I think the reason he isn’t telling me about his relationship status is because he wants to keep me around, I told him already that I hope he isn’t keeping me around for his convenience and that I’m not anybody’s second choice if that’s what he is thinking. He has already wasted enough of my time and still is. He says he doesn’t play with people’s feelings but that is what he has been doing tbh and leading me on. He could just tell me that he doesn’t feel the same way. What’s so difficult about that?
I prepared mentally to text him earlier about stuff but he didn’t take it seriously so I mentally prepared myself for nothing.
You don't even need to expect that he'll respond to all the questions you want an answer from. He won't admit any of his wrongdoings, because to him, it is the norm. He doesn't think what he's doing is wrong or inappropriate. You do not need any validation from him, he will not agree with your thoughts about him.
Staying in contact with him will only make you feel worse, mentally. Do not make yourself a target of abuse. Maybe you need some professional therapy help, someone to teach/guide you how to build a stronger mentality, so you can overcome situations like this.
@strwberryhearts
By the way, if you click on Reply to a post, the @ is filled automatically, so you don't have to worry about spelling the wrong names or replying to the wrong person.
@Jaeteuk ^ apologies I put the wrong @ for this paragraph I just posted
@strwberryhearts hes a player for sure. ive been in the same situation in the past, he was a complete waste of my time. i ended it. i wish u well.
@ambitioushope1234 Oh my, I’m so sorry to hear that :(( I’m glad you ended it because you deserve someone who will not waste ur time. The guy I’m talking to he keeps on avoiding questions about his relationship status, he tells me that he isn’t a player but I don’t believe him or trust him. And now he’s acting like he doesn’t care or thinks it’s a joke about me ending friendship with him. He’s not taking it seriously. He makes me feel confused all the time and just wasting my time, giving me false hope when nothing is really there.
@strwberryhearts hi
@purpleCar4409 Hello :)
@strwberryhearts I agree with the other comments. I dated someone who I thought liked me for me and after a while all the guy cared about was asking for nudes but he would do in subtle ways by saying something sweet or acting like he just wanted my company. so yeah. don't allow yourself to be treated as just a " I'm only loveable or desired if I'm naked" because that's not how it works.
@tealLion9329 Hello, that sounds awful :( I hope you are okay, nobody deserves to be treated like an object. I don’t understand why some guys will try to sweet talk their way into getting something when that’s not right. The guy I’m talking to also wanted me to “get naked” and send him pictures of me, write on myself etc then said he would do the same. Then the other day said he wanted to video call me and watch me do inappropriate things but then when I bring it up about how our whole conversation is sexual because of him, he wants to act innocent like he didn’t want it to be sexual.
@strwberryhearts yeah don't put up with that at all. he's not worth the attention
