When you feel like a burden to your adult children
I recently had a heart catheter. There were complications during the procedure and after while I was in recovery. Due to complications it bought me more recovering and bed rest time than usual. My daughter (she's 25) was acting like it was a bother to her for her to pick me up from the hospital and most of the time when I needed help. She stopped coming over, so I stopped asking. I just don't understand how someone could be so cold. I would never bee that way with someone who needed my help. It just makes me hella sad.
Hi @neonTortoise3788
I'm a parent too and that is sad that her action/ behaviour made you feel like a burden when you need help *sending friendly hugs your way*
Is there a reason that could possibly made her act/behave such way? Like, what's going on in her life? Is she having a lot on her plate too at the time?
Hope you will fully recover soon 💙
She does have things in her plate. She's a mom to a 3 yr old. And her relationship has problems, but this is why I didn't ask for much to begin with. This is not the first time she has been like this with me. It's just a repeated thing with her and I'm at the end of my rope with it.
@neonTortoise3788
Oh dear.... I get the picture a bit... you understand that she has a lot on her plate and that's why you're trying to only count on her when it's really needed. Still it's disappointing behaviour she's showing...
What options do you have in mind right now to deal with the situation?
Have you tried to communicate this with her with "I" statements?
♡ C
I have decided to move. She hasn't spoke to me AT ALL. I found out that she's been running her mouth about me to everyone I know. For some reason she thinks I faked a heart catheter. I have no idea why she feels that way because for one I didn't fake that, how could you? Plus, she picked me up from the hospital. Seen the nurse pushing me in a wheelchair out to get car. I'm confused, disappointed, resentful and my feelings are hurt. She's even seen my paperwork from the procedure itself. They this pandemic I've paid her rent, kept her utilities on, paid for most of Christmas. Even help her with her car payments so they don't take her car. I just don't understand the ungratefulness. Now that the 1400$ stimulus is coming, I guess she's done with me. That's how I'm taking it. It's not easy supporting 2 households.
@neonTortoise3788
my goodness...I'd be disappointed and hurt too if I were in your place.
Has she tried to explain what happened with the talk about her didn't believe your illness? What's her side of story?
The way I see it, I feel you did the right thing to take sometimes apart. Taking a step back from a distressing situation often times help save it from getting worse as it give time to cool down.
However, do you have anyone checking up on you? relatives. friends or neighbors perhaps?
We haven't spoke to each other. I'm just over the whole situation. I feel it's just best to move back to where I came from. Thank you for the support. You have a lovely day
Hi thank you for sharing. Maybe she's overwhelmed with her circumstances as well or may have a schedule she was following that day? Not sure if your family has done this in the past but maybe sit down have a dinner together and talk about how you would appreciate support while you recover. 🙏
@neonTortoise3788
Hi, I'm sorry you are feeling like this and this is exactly my fear once I get older.My daughter is 21 and I'm healthy atm and single. Someone recently said to me that I shouls start planning my retirement and leave my daughter alone. I was shocked to hear it and now I'm worrying all the time about this day.
Wow, your situation is extremely similar to mine but I have two adult children that have moved home due to covid-19 , as soon as they moved back in , I laid down rules prior .. they agreed then quickly showed they never pay attention of following my basic house rules and that they feel if they are the parents and I'm the kid and I feel like a person in my own home where I'm seriously considering quick selling I want to run away from my own home on top of like everybody else trying to hold on to my house I had to refinance and my job is running me crazy I just got back to work from taking care of my aging mother during covid and my finances are in disarray I'm extremely depressed heartbroken because my kids are just I've never seen anything like this verbally abusive extremely when I asked him to even take out the trash and I'm talking about these are not teenagers these are 22 and 24 year old people I have a younger son who's 18 who's the complete antithesis of these other two and I just feel hopeless let alone depressed and then you feel like you're just a prisoner and they don't want to help you do anything the car that I bought her now my car is down she refuses to even give me a ride to my job my name is on the car as well and she is just a person I don't even recognize so that's I guess is why I'm here is because I need support because I don't know what to do my health insurance benefits I work for the state got all mixed up where my HMO is all screwed around and they said I missed open enrollment I'm just very stressed out from bills to cars to adult children and I'm ready to run away turn my hair out and I'm just very very lonely isolated and extremely depressed every single day so I'm reading your story like wow I'm not the only one but of course not but it's just it's just heartening and you know parents always get this question of what did you do to make them this way? Whatever I did do cuz I was a young mother I have made amends I've apologized and I also do a lot of things out of guilt but those days are long gone and I just feel used betrayed taking advantage of my daughter has tried to physically attack me since she's been here I can't live like this anymore so I'm just sharing to see if I can get some advice as well but yes thank you for sharing your story because it did resonate God bless
