DBT GIVE

(be) Gentle

Be nice and respectful. Avoid attacks (verbal or physical), threats and manipulation. Avoid harassment of any kind. Express anger directly with words. Avoid using threatening statements. Describe painful consequences for not getting what you want, but describe them calmly and without exaggerating. Stay in the discussion even if it gets painful. Exit gracefully. Avoid judging, moralizing, and blaming. Avoid smirking, eye rolling, sucking teeth and interrupting the other.

(act) Interested

Listen and appear interested in the other person. Listen to the other person’s point of view. Face the person; maintain eye contact; lean toward the person rather than away. Don’t interrupt or talk over the person. Be sensitive to the person’s wish to have the discussion at a later time. Be patient.

Validate

Show that you understand the other person’s feelings and thoughts about the situation. See the world from the other person’s point of view, and then say or act on what you see. “I realize this is hard for you and “I see that you are busy. Go to a private place when the person is uncomfortable talking in public.

(use an) Easy manner

Use a little humor. Smile. Ease the person along. Be light-hearted. Sweet-talk. Use a “soft sell” over a “hard sell.” Be “political.” Leave your attitude at the door.

Have you tired using the GIVE skill lately? How did it go? If not, could you try this skill in the future?