Hello and Blessed Be!

Hello everyone. I don't really know what to say here other than I am someone who battles my own brain every single day. I am diagnosed with clinical depression, CPTSD, Anxiety, and ADHD. More often that not, especially lately, my anxiety and intrusive thoughts take vice grips on my brain and I have to fight like he'll to get them to go away... otherwise I last out or self destruct on the person who loves me most in this world, my fiance. I've spent most of my life being told that I am unworthy of love, and worth nothing... so I really struggle to accept that I am loved. I struggle with trusting the security that my home and my family I love so much is not going to just go away. I've lost everything so many times as and adult, and had to start completely over that that also makes it harder sometimes. I'm trying, but some days are harder than others. Some days my brain tells me no one wants me, and they'd be better if I disappeared...that they deserve better. I'm not suicidal at all, and I'm self harm free for... well, many many many moons. But God's, sometimes my brain is dammed cruel, and then not only do I suffer, but my person does too. He's as patient as he can be, and he sticks by me... but I need to learn to get past this shit, and to turn off the faucet when it starts overflowing. I have been doing okay at taking my meds every day, but before I kept forgetting and I know that doesn't help. I also struggle with severely low self esteem. I have some body chemistry issues, and having two kids... I don't look anything like how I wish. Overall, I just want to be happy being me. I want to find the goofy person that I used to be, before all the major traumas, before losing so much and so many people, including my mom. I want peace.