My latest crossroad….
I’m still not sure which path I should take, It should be obvious to me but all I can see is a thick fog in front of me.
This community means everything to me. The kindness and compassion that I have received here has been amazing. I have interacted with some amazing people. The positive steps forward they helped me make is just emotionally overwhelming.
But on the flip side, the little incident that stripped that away from with just a couple of comments, has shaken me so much and put a fear in me I have never known.
I am confident if I stayed here I would get back most of what was taken from me. But the fear isn’t easing up any yet. I have overcome a lot of extremely difficult challenges in my life , but I’m not sure about this one.
I don’t want to leave but I don’t know if I can stay.
This is an internal battle I am losing, yes it’s because I have been blanketed in fear. I thought I was better than that, that I could let others hate run off me like raindrops. But this time is different, for whatever reason it’s different.
I just hope that whatever decision I come to is the best one, because my track record with decisions regarding my life has been a losing one.
@Iamwhoiamwhoami I'm sorry that something happened here that took away that feeling of comfort and safety you had. You're right- it is hard to get that back. You worry about writing things that might cause someone to make comments that cut to the bone. They can add to the fear and self doubts we allready had. I've had issues here myself with people. It has caused alot of problems for me and more than a few times I've thought about leaving too.
There are many good people here too. I try to remember that for every person who trolled or triggered something in me there have been a dozen or more that offered me compassion and comfort. But it does stick with you for a while
I hope you get back that feeling of safety that you had here but I also understand that you need to do what's best for you
@Iamwhoiamwhoami
I hope you find a the right choice for you....... i guess i am fortunate that i have had some comments to posts that i did not enjoy i did take some time to think about what was said and learned more from those then some of the supportive ones.
i think in life and on any forum sometimes how we react and how we take things can change our perspective ... while some people really do tend to spill hate as their cup is full any move they make some can splash over the side ......... some people write from a different perspective and may not have meant it as it was taken.
@toughTiger6481 Thank you for reaching out. Yes, I am well aware that just because someone says something a little disagreeable doesn’t make it hate. But I have witnessed and experienced enough to know the difference. What was said was said out of misguided ignorant hate. I appreciate your kindness, support and concern . I truly am. I’m not dismissing what you’re saying in any fashion, you bring up very valid points. I am grateful for your concern to I suppose make sure I didn’t take it out of context and overreacted. Thank you.
I have no good memories? They all are miserable. No wonder I am completely overflowing with negativity. That negativity has kept me going for a lot of years. I have nothing to show for it but I am alone which is the path I am destined to follow.
@Iamwhoiamwhoami
No good memories? Have you ever tried a gratitude journal? You write down a few things you are grateful for. They say it helps reprogram your mind to notice the positive, and you will feel better.
There has to be something good - air, the sunshine, a good meal, you're able to write messages here.
@indigoCherry6084
Thank you for your kind suggestions.
@Iamwhoiamwhoami
Know that you have friends here.
Your not alone when you are here. I too have suffered great loss in my life and some days are very challenging but I'm so grateful to have people here to turn to. Most of the people I've come across here are super understanding and supportive.
I hope you can feel my support of your feelings. All feelings are important no matter if they are seen as good bad or indifferent.
Keep on being brave .
ABB 💜
