Negative future due to health issues.
I am not sure what my next step in life is. I have no family or friends and have health issues that make it very clear that quality and/or life expectancy is drastically changing. I am not necessarily afraid of the end coming, it’s the facts of going through this alone and the fact that I may become a “burden on others because of my situation. I have accepted my place in this world, my life choices have put me where I am. I, unfortunately never anticipated actually having/feeling any kind of emotions and the ones I have begun to experience are not helping me with dealing with the harsh truths of my future. I use up what little physical strength I have going to work and surviving the workday. I literally have no strength of any kind after that. I truly have a lifetime of regrets, and I can’t change the past. I guess the only thing I can hope for which will probably not happen is that I could get my house cleaned and organized for easy removal of things when the time comes. And that the transition of my passing and the removal of my possessions is quick and is a minimal burden on those forced to do it.
Why am I forced to experience emotions now as the end looms over my head and yet I went through the important years without any ……..? I am scared of my future and the fact of going through it alone. But I also accept that my life decisions have set me up for this type of ending,
I apologize for continuing my negative posts.
I am sorry you are going through this...
what would you have changed if you could ?
would you have done things different to have others in your life?
being alone is difficult even in best of times let alone bad times. I find even when alone i force myself to do things on my try it list ...... or go off the normal path of my daily routine ........
Thank you for your thoughts.
As far as what I would change, the easy answer would be just about everything from youth on. Probably the best answer I can think of would be to take advantage of the counseling under false pretenses that I was forced to go to as a child. By this I mean that I was forced to go to many different counselors, psychiatrists, psychologists and even forced into hospital care in order to pry information out of me to use against one another in the divorce of my parents.
I was stupid and shut down and didn’t help them and in turn only hurt myself.
I would honestly want to go full emotional honesty tell all with the one lady that really went out of her way and tried to connect with me, she did but I didn’t let her know that . That point in time may very well have been the first major intersection of my life and if I would have opened up and tried to accept the offer of help ,……, I truly believe I would be in a lot better place right now.
I apologize for the rambling response, I appreciate your show of concern. Thank you.
@toughTiger6481 Thank you for your kindness, I am truly grateful for your support.
@Iamwhoiamwhoami
Hi, Please don't apologize.. I don't see this as a negative post but a positive one because you are now sharing those feelings that you stated you didn't have before. All things happen for a reason. You are here for a reason . I am blessed to speak with you. You mentioned you worked, do you have any close co-workers you can confide in who can be with you and help you plan things out.? Don't stress over things that will be left behind only on the narrative you can control. Focus as you have time and are rested on one specific thing, maybe 2 that you want to prepare to have done. I pray that your emotions don't overwhelm the things that you have in mind for yourself. A counselor can also help you to understand, deal and accept what you are going thru. But give yourself some grace. Grace that you deserve. I'm her we are BetterTogether😊😊
Thank you for your thoughts,
I have a co-worker that is aware of the basics, they happen to be someone who has way too many things on their plate. Because of that I will not add my sob story to their list. I have no family or friends to confide in and as far as counselors etc., I have had my fill of them over the years, not anything they did or didn’t do just on my part that things always progressed to the same point and never got past that point. So on me not them.
I do try to focus on one thing but I have serious lapses in my train of thought. Then things get overwhelming again.
I don’t have a clue what I am doing or going to do, I try to stay with the attitude containing acceptance of things as they are and of what is coming, but it doesn’t take much to push my thoughts to a self pity party.
I don’t understand your grace comments though, so I can’t respond to that.
Thank you again for your thoughts.
@BetterTogether007 Thank you and please continue to stay wonderful.