Painfully waking up

I know I am not the only one that the physical pain gets so overwhelming that it plays into whatever dream or nightmare that I am currently having that it wakes me up.

I am not special or different because of the things I experience. I’m only choosing to put down in my own words what is happening to me.

The only thing I can describe this particular one as is to compare it to the growing pains experienced as a child, when woken up because of the pain caused by bodily changes. I suppose that is more than relevant, considering what is happening inside my head.

I just experienced another “moment” . The brain flickering thing. I stood up to stretch my legs and back from being in bed and for a brief moment didn’t know where I was . When I refocused I was face to face with a wall.

Anyway, where was I, ok I was on my skull expanding issue. The doctor’s office told me that there is a delay of rescheduling my next tests because of insurance company questions.

I unfortunately had to reschedule the last appointment because the place conducting the tests wanted cash up front for the insurance difference. Which I didn’t have. So the doctor is trying to reschedule at a different location for me.

When woken up in this much pain my response is go to the emergency room , but the reality is that the emergency department nearest me I have little faith in. I went there one time for something caught in my throat, (the root cause ended up being acid reflux) , anyway, because I don’t have anyone for transporting me home, (I live more than a few miles away) they wouldn’t admit me for the procedure. To avoid details, they ended up admitting me anyway because they tore a hole in my throat.

I had another time that I went there when I accidentally cut off the tip of my thumb on the saw, my own stupidity, this happened during a heated argument with my ex. My ex did drive me towards the hospital, I zoned myself out to everything the pain, her and everything happening around me. Meanwhile she called the ambulance because I wasn’t responding to her, she assumed the worst, I didn’t know she was trying to get my attention. So within a couple of miles to the hospital I got transferred to the ambulance, and that ride cost about 20,000 dollars. For less than two miles and nothing special done just one driving and the other monitoring my blood pressure. No meds due to open wound. At the hospital they refused to do anything until the sheriff retrieved what was missing. They refuse to listen to me that the missing section is not worth waiting for. Just file, clean, fold and stitch. Still nothing for pain allowed. Refusals all the way. When the sheriff arrived a couple agonizing hours later, my anxiety really overwhelming at this point, they realized that I was 100% correct. File, clean, flip and stitch sign papers and go home. So , whether it’s politics or policies it doesn’t matter, I am not a fan of their practices. You add into that the fact of my openness about my severe depression which red flags at medical facilities, especially for pain meds. The legal fears because of drug use/abuse keep those of us who despise taking pills even for headaches, from getting something for the overwhelming physical pain during a traumatic event like a partial amputation. (Even after stitched up they refused to give anything stronger than Tylenol.)

Which is probably what they would give me and then send me home after ignoring all the facts. If I went in for this.

I need to stay the course and endure the politics of the system in order to get to the point of realistic options for any possibilities for treatment or not.

I will stop here my thoughts are flying by right now.