So Over It !!!!
I am not even done watching the films that are out there let alone a frieking nother one. I am so out of the loop. So so late to the game. Ron Howard a director just put out his documentary on my home town. Friends are texting galore, kids need more love and understanding. I cannot escape, ever, ever ,ever . I feel like I am a horrible person. My stupid ass brain wouldn't even let me look until after Christmas and now it is just too much as in too much. I hate my life. I want to be home.
@95969- Don't know how to say anything close to the right words of encouragement for you- except we do care- and thank you for reminding us that our problems could be SO MUCH WORSE!!!!!!!!!!!! Whenever I see your posts a feeling of can't catch my breath hits me- your losses are so huge. THen the part of me that wants to help and make things better kicks in- when life seems so awful we need to find at least one small thing of joy- no matter how tiny. Is that your tatoo on your neck-it is lovely.
@barncat
Thank you for your kindness. 
@95969
Hello,
Ive read some of your posts over the few days and I wanted to say you are like an unsung hero! I see you reaching out to members when they are in deep sadness and you offer so much. I'd be honored to call you my friend! Keep up the great work! You will be rewarded for all suffering you endure and when the clouds clear and your new perception take hold, it will feel like a full rebirth like a brand bew sprout reaching excitedly for the sun!🌻
@feelNeglected77
Thanks. Sorry I cant find my readers so I hope I am typing ok
@feelNeglected77
I really like your analogy? metaphore? I always get those confused.
Too lazy to google. I feel like at least I can semi-talk about it because of
kind souls like you in here. This place really has allowed me to at least crack
the hard exterior of that seed. I hope you are well today. If you dont mind me asking,
are you a writer? or maybe English Lit degree ?
@95969 Always
Your welcome. Thats was a nice compliment, but I'm just a worn out old carpenter/sailer with failinh health that has been trying hard to reinvent myself for years. Writting helps bring us closer to wisdom and to know ourselves. I'm well today. Heading out to teach an elderly lady (96) how to play either chess or go-fish if chess is to much of a challenge. Lets talk again soon. Once you crack that seeds shell, and provide the right insight wisdom and self care you wilp sprout back up in Gods's green would and all the pain won't even be a factor any more. We are not supposed to lean on our own understanding. It just simply doesnt work, i found out the hard way 🤔🌷
@95969. I'm sorry for what you are going through, Dear One. It seems from your words that you are so much pain. I want you to know that you are not alone and we are here for you. This moment in time and in this space will pass; nothing stays the same, life is dynamic and changes constantly. You are important, and you are worth the effort to get better, and you do not have a stupid *** brain. You are not your illness. You are a brilliant, beautiful spirit, and you are free to grow and change and become the person you want to be. Trust this, for it is true. I have a feeling I am much older than you, but I do understand. Even when we are old, Time seems to move too slow when we are suffering, and goes to fast when we are happy. Do you have any happy memories you can recall in your heart and mind? Try to pick out one of your favorite memories, and relive these moments in your mind. Recall as many details as you can, and dwell on the joy you felt. Look to these happy times to fill you when you are suffering, and it may be easier to bear. . .You are not alone, and we love you.
@braveheart61
Thank you for your kindness!!! Btw I am 56 going on 89. Greatly appreciate your suggestions!!
I am so trying with mindfulness........
How does one think of happy times when every sound, smell, sight, church, community, taste, pictures, memory comes from somewhere that is gone. And when it left it took the spirit of your 24. 25, and 26 yr old?
@95969
I'm so sorry. . .I cannot imagine the pain you must feel. How can I help?
@braveheart61
Verbal vomit.....sorry
@95969
that song was beautiful. . .thank you for sharing it with me. . .
@95969
where is home?
@95969
no need to be sorry. . .truly. BTW, I'm 61....
@braveheart61
First , thank you.
I am/was from Paradise,California 95969 is/was my zip code
@95969
I'm so sorry. . .I cannot possibly understand your pain. But, I'm here. . .I'll listen. My heart is full thinking of what you must be going through. . .
@braveheart61
I'm sorry. I know it's a lot.
Bad day today. Having serious issues with hubby.
We are not gonna make it ( YOU WILLLLLLLLLLLLL
too much too much too much too much too much too much too much too uch too much
I am dying inside. We are not coping well. My relationship is a joke. He doesn't talk. I don't talk. The stupid ass therapist is an idiot. Therapist looks at us and I swear to effing gosh if he talks about town pics/ docs I will punch his ffing face. We are a friek show to him. Get a new one , ? Ya cuz I haven't thought of that. No one will take frieks like us. They say sorry I dont counsel for that you frisks. So lost.
@95969 hey u, your posts are near mine. So i get to share your pain. Im not complaining, seems a 100 million miles away right now where u want to be, same here 2, but youll get there. No matter what it takes, you'll get there. So heres me giving u a gentle nudge in the ribs. Just a wee reminder your alive.
@Gujon3073
Yes they are. I really want to be positive today but .....
We will make it!!! that's something
Thank you I needed that nudge!!! seriously
Nudges you forward
It's crazy, so crazy how the brain frieks out, shuts down . I was so deep in it, like face puffy , nose sore , eyes itching from crying for days in it. Someone flicked the switch
Poof......it was gone...
I feel I am looking at myself , disconnected, compartmentalizing, and removed. Stunned, fazed, disoriented. I don't know which is worse. Jeez, I hope this is common.
I just need sleep.
It will be a better day tomorrow!!!
@95969
Yes we analyze ourselves and get stuck inside our own thoughts and get stuck there and eventually we realize how much damage and suffering we caused ourselves. I heard it called "analyzation-paralyzation" . That's why doing the active in the moment excersizes and deep breathing is so important. It seems to be the best way to begin to control our thoughts, and put ourselves in this present moment. We need to learn how to control ourselves. Self-disapline with a big ol' dose of self care, and a dash of routine. We each need to find the right recipee, the right baking time, and don't forget to let it cool when it comes out of the oven 😊
@feelNeglected77
I do know what your saying. I actually was just so happy to feel something, anything. I agree so so much about " portions" ( I swear you do have the best analogies ) I definitely need to do that. Trial and error. Seems I got the error part done..... I just wish I had the right cookbook. Thank you again. Your words were highly helpful.
@95969
Im so glad that all my suffering is finally being rewarded in the abilitues to understand it well enough that I can be helpful to others. I see you reaching out to help a lot of people, and you are just the right person for that because you suffered enough to hear and know what they are trying to say. We all have different areas we are good at, and getting better at. Im so happy to be getting better with nice people like you by my side.
So, the inevitable happened. 14 yr anniversary with him too. His son and gf will not leave that house I purchased. When I say won't leave, I mean THEY WON'T LEAVE. They asked for a few days. That was 61 days ago. I am trying to get better. I am in a daze. I am so lost again. Fire takes every belonging I have. Takes away my entire community. I am left to seek all in a new area. Now here I sit. In a hotel. On my 14 yr anniversary. Alone. Words, yelling, promised they would be gone. Still nothing. I have a house with strangers literally living with me, hubby doesn't care and me alone in a hotel. The police are going to try to make them leave in am. How can one get better when there living situation is not safe. How do you decide between your gf of 14yrs and your 39 yr old drug addict son. I can't make this shit up. I type it, know it is my life. Cant believe it though. Wtf am I in.....I am in a life that is not mine. Where did the life I strived so hard to get and was living ......it is gone.
@95969 That sounds like a very complicated and difficult situation. I know someone that left a 25 year relationship because thay didn't want to live with their partners drug addicted son. I hope that the unwanted guests will be leaving your home soon.
@95969
I feel your stress and pain and hope this gets resolved quickly for you. Im in a mess at a place thats not safe paralyzed by my health and stress so i understand how f'd up it all feels. Find some kind of moments of peace, maybe a short walk for a chanfe of scenery. I send my support. Forgive this pun---> Let the force be with you!
