Where am I…..
I tried to find other peoples posts that I could read that relate to my current thoughts. The problem is that my mind keeps flipping the switch. I have to remind myself which is very very difficult to do when you can’t remember anything. My brain goes dark then when it starts back up I am completely lost/confused.
Where am I, who am I, why am I here, what am I doing, when did I get here, how did her here. Trying to keep my sanity is draining me of any desires. I am trying to stay positive but when I lose complete focus at the drop of a hat, and the struggle to try and refocus on current moment…. I’m losing not winning.
Okay, I am whining a little and there are so many people here that are struggling a lot also. They deserve the focus and attention, they can get better and be the people they want to be. I am near the end of my journey, I just am not comfortable with the fact I won’t remember it.
I am not sure what I wanted to add here. My path is getting narrower. I’m so scared, I am not ready for the next steps of the path I have been forced to follow. It’s times like this that I realize that being here is might be helping me hang onto the little bit of sanity/reality I have left or should I just let go and say goodbye to everyone here and let this take its course. Whatever happens happens. I’m fighting a losing battle. I accept that my journey is coming to an end soon, I just don’t want to lose what I have found here. It unfortunately is inevitable that I will though. I’m not giving up completely, I am just losing the strength to keep pulling myself here and my body pulling me away.
@Iamwhoiamwhoami when you're able to refocus i think it means you're winning and not losing. Ive been told to take life as a learning journey. Whatever phase of life we maybe in, we are going to be learning something new. Does that idea resonate with you?
@Creamyyy Thank you. I agree but it is happening more and more often and I am having a harder and harder time getting refocused. My mind goes blank but somehow to use my own mind to refocus is nearly impossible. I don’t know how I have been able to do it at all much less for as long as I have. It is like getting lost in a strange place and nobody around to ask for directions. The more I wander the more lost and confused I become.
@Iamwhoiamwhoami focusing is a challenge for me too. If you did it before you can do it again. Don't give up on yourself.
@Creamyyy I forget even the most basic things. Even my name. I am in the middle of the store and forget where I am and why I am there. I have forgotten where I live. These are things that are getting more and more difficult to bring back into focus.
@Iamwhoiamwhoami did you talk to a doctor about it?
@Creamyyy As far as my health issues and losing focus yes. But the rest of it what is going on inside my mind I am just trying to come to terms with it here. What is happening is inevitable. My body has taken a beating over my lifetime,, and now it is telling me its had enough. So my inner struggles I will vent here as long as everyone here will allow me to and as long as I can keep refocusing myself enough to come here. The rest is for the doctors if it is necessary.
@Creamyyy I am agreement with the rest of your response also. It doesn’t really resonate with me anymore but it is very true nonetheless. I am unfortunately getting to the point that everyday is going to be a remedial course in the basics .
Remedial life 101. My future course . Graduation date…. never
