Why does a spouse have to make a marriage such a challenge?
I often wonder why people have to make a relationship such a challenge sometimes. I've been married a long time over 40 years and I still deal with same issues in all four decades of our marriage. Maybe it's me but I just have a hard time catering to people who seem to want to sit back and wait for you to make the first move. My wife and her family have always been that way. You walk into a family gathering and it's met with the attitude of "well you going to speak to me or not?"
I'm not trying to sound petty or anything but sometimes you just get tired of being the one who has to initiate the conversation all the time. Does anybody get what I mean? I'm actually married to someone like that and it even affects our physical relationship or the lack thereof.
I want to ask... in a marital relationship is it always up to the husband to initiate physical intimacy? I've never understood why she's that way. It's as though she could take it or leave it, and it doesn't really matter if it happens or not. She even told me one time in so many words that she figures if I wanted it, I'd come around for it. What does that even mean anyway? Are we saying "hey I can live without it but you know, if you need it, you can let me know?"
Yeah I know it's hard to believe that I've dealt with this for four decades, but it's true. And right now I've reached a point my life with I'm tired of it. On top of that my wife is passive aggressive and such an introvert it just makes it hard.
I hope it's okay to share all this. I just came to this group or forum days ago just to have a place to vent this out and to talk about it. Maybe someone else out there is dealing with the same thing and maybe we can help each other with some advice.... 😊
@Spearman60 l am an introvert, my partner make's are marriage difficult. You are not alone, have you told her you want more intimacy how often how much, let her know you want her to initiate intimacy, how often, talk about boundaries compermise boundaries with intimacy with her.
@UnicornSiren
Well, thing of it is, been married over 40+ years and just about everything has been talked about that can be talked about, and nothing ever changes. It gets to the point that you give up trying. She's introverted, passive aggressive, and apparently doesn't care anymore.
@Spearman60 The intimacy part you are experiencing is common with men. How does this make you both feel? Pressure to be intimate could make a partner back away or feel uncomfortable to stop trying all together in any relationship. We don't want to prusher her into anything, communication showing her how to meet the emotional needs you are seeking, like l mentioned earlier on this thread with compermise should help her to come around to meet your emotional need's. If not there is most likely something else she has difficulties with.
@UnicornSiren The intimacy part some women are geared from birth to wait for the man to be ready to fix everything. Some men are geared from birth to try and make the women ready. All designed to dismantle the family unit. To work agenst this dismantling of family unit's we need to retrain are brain's. To let are partner's know when we need help, how we need help in specific detail. I do stress communication is the key here.
@UnicornSiren
She has indicated to me that her mindset is that, "Well, when he wants it he'll let me know." What the heck is that suppose to mean? I'm on the shelf here, and when you need it, come get it? As a result, nothing has happened for the past 2 years now... nothing. Apparently, she can live without it. How sad. What message does that give me?
