50+ Check-In March 28-31, 2022

1. What happened (recall the event in detail)?

   I was told some information that affected a family member in a critical way. I don't want to give details because it's very personal. Just know, I know the details thoroughly.
   

2. What did you think and feel as a result of what has happened?

   Devastated, angry, betrayed...incredibly hurt...and any other word you can conjure up from a soul wound.
   

3. What evidence supports how you think and feel?

   Someone is no longer here in part, due to these people's actions.
   

4. What evidence contradicts how you think and feel?

   The deception, and hypocrisy from the same source. You know how you feel when you can 'see behind the curtain' of someone's motives? The ugly knowing? That's what I'm seeing here.
   

5. What could be a difference and possibly a more accurate and fair way to think and feel about this situation?

   Weighing my involvement with these people. Will result in a big sacrifice but in the long run my peace of mind, living without more drama is very important to me. And the fact is, I've had to live with this kind of 'sacrifice' before. It's nothing new. I want my personal space in peace. And, I want to do what I feel is the 'right thing to do.'
   

6. What can you do to cope with this situation in a healthy way?

   Be happy with what I have around me every day. These people are far away. They've never really been close to me, and realize it's better not to let people use you for their own selfish gain. Having a strong boundary here stops that ugly feeling of being used. If I ever doubt my decision, stop, breathe, and face the truth. Something here could of been very different if they wouldn't have done what they did. And then, let it go. Be determined to be happy no matter what.

   Thank you for posting this exercise. And YES, I'm working through something very deep right now. A deep hurt. Writing this all out helped me work through the facts of the situation and the feelings I have around this whole rotten mess. Like I said above, I've gotten a clear look now, behind the curtain of some people's deception. I've seen how they have really treated my family. Do I really want to be a part of that, no. Might not make much sense to anyone reading this...but maybe the process is visible. Life holds painful choices that have to be made sometimes. But in the long run... the bottom line is your happiness, living in peace and not letting people use you.
   

Thank you so much for this post Peace <3 it's so easy to forget the bigger picture and your post really helped me reframe my thoughts (: sending so much peace and love to you all!

@amiablePeace77

I think I am growing! here's the deal:

1. What happened (recall the event in detail)?

   I was in the sharing circle and suddenly felt like i was wallowing in a bathtub of guilt, negative emotion, and bs. (i am not criticizing others - i am telling how i felt.)

2. What did you think and feel as a result of what has happened?

   I felt and thought suddenly: "I can't do this. This is too negative for me."

3. What evidence supports how you think and feel?

   I look at how far I have come, and yes, i am not in crisis, stable on my medication, and rebuiliding my life. Although it is far from 'complete' i know that it doesn't have to be, and that i want to avoid people, places and things, that stress black/whites, absolutes, and absolute thinking.

4. What evidence contradicts how you think and feel?

   none, really - at least, I don't see any. I don't have anyone in "real life" to talk to about this - i rely on support groups on zoom, and i plan to bring it up to a facilitator to see what they think.

5. What could be a difference and possibly a more accurate and fair way to think and feel about this situation?

   I am not judging anyone in the sharing circle. I am saying, "I can no longer tolerate this level of existence at this time and feel i must move forward."

6. What can you do to cope with this situation in a healthy way?

   I contacted a local NAMI chapter to see how i can register for their "general" support group where it's possible to meet others who have reached other levels of growth.

   I also plan to stay at 7 cups, but plan to limit my exposure in the sharing circle because so much of it, is people recounting trauma from their own lives, which is necessary for them, but not for me. Although I do plan to stay as a volunteer listener, i don't feel compelled to take part in sharing circle. I think I am at an "in between" stage of growth, and that's a great problem to have! I am good with it! :)

@amiablePeace77

Hi, Peace,

These are great questions. I don't know what I'd add to them, though.

In the following I would like to share some questions to ask yourself whenever you find yourself in a situation in which you feel overwhelmed by your emotions.

1. What happened (recall the event in detail)?

   It was in the fall of 2019. I went to my 40-year high school reunion. I had told only one person about my boyhood sexual abuse at that time, a therapist who didn't take me seriously, because I'm male. At the reunion, I encountered a woman I had very strong feelings for. She didn't even recognize/remember me. This sent me into a downward spiral, to use a popular phrase.

2. What did you think and feel as a result of what has happened?

   For the next two months, I was in the worst pain of my life. It was like the all the pain of the last 50 years hit me at once (I was abused in 1969).
   

3. What evidence supports how you think and feel?

   I don't understand this question.

4. What evidence contradicts how you think and feel?

   I don't understand this question, either.

5. What could be a different and possibly a more accurate and fair way to think and feel about this situation?

   The thing is, I knew rationally that there was no good reason for her to remember me. That had nothing to do with my feelings, though, which are a completely separate thing from my rational thought.

6. What can you do to cope with this situation in a healthy way?

   I finally sought out another therapist. My next therapist didn't work out, either, and I looked for another, finally finding someone who took my situation seriously.

What questions could be added to this list?

I'm not sure.

Do you feel you take decisions more based on your emotions or on facts?

It depends on the type of decision. I try to be rational, logical, sensible, and such. That's not easy. It's too bad that my thoughts and feelings can't be better in line with each other. They rarely are. This has caused a lot of heartache and other pain throughout my life.

@amiablePeace77

This is a VERY USEFUL POST FOR EVERYONE, THANKS

It does remind me of the way therapists are taught to help them by distancing themselves from things from their clients, emotionally, as a therapist needs this, of course.

Overall, I do whole heartily both agree and best to try to think through this process.

I'm usually successful at doing so. However, under times involving threat, danger, harm, and sometimes perceived situations of these, I do no do well, sometimes doing g poorly.

I have found it is better for me to shut up totally, & remo e myself, if possible, which I am always working on this, as I recognize I need to do better with this.

Certain life situations cannot always be possible to just remove yourself from, of course. I still go through the above steps, some more in detail when did needed. They are always useful. Sometimes however, I have needed to alter and do other safety concern steps better necessary and you'll ization with other things.

Thank you. This is a very great list. It is so very useful and helpful for all of us and most every and all situation.

@amiablePeace77

Thank you for this list.

Plan to write it down in my journal. ❤️🐴🐴❤️

thank you for this ami this is very helpful <3

@amiablePeace77

1. What happened (recall the event in detail)? My daughter told me a doctor's visit was necessary.
   

2. What did you think and feel as a result of what has happened? I looked for a piece of paper that had the correct date on it.
   

3. What evidence supports how you think and feel? I couldn't find it.
   

4. What evidence contradicts how you think and feel? I feel that it could have been July 11.
   

5. What could be a difference and possibly a more accurate and fair way to think and feel about this situation? It seems that my phone is having an update.
   

6. What can you do to cope with this situation in a healthy way?