50+ community Check-in January 6-9, 2020
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Why are some people so uncomfortable with talking to others they do not know and what do you think could make it easier for them?
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I believe I am realistic with my goals. One goal is to retire this year. Before that happens, I plan to set up a lot of activities for myself, to keep me active. My second goal is to find a nice house with my girlfriend, and maybe to marry her. There are a lot of things to think about there, we have both been thinking a lot about them.
@Offmytrack
I believe you responded to the first post I made at the same time I changed it. Sorry, did not realize an answer was already made before I changed.
Those are great goals, I hope everything will turn out as you wish. You made a good point about planning activities for retirement so not to fall into the trap of having nothing to do or getting bored.
@amiablePeace77 I think a lot of how we feel about talking to others has to do with how secure we feel about ourselves and our level of self esteem. Once we feel okay no matter what the other people think, communication is not as risky as it was when we felt what people said or thought about us defined who we are.
@soulsings
Those are very good points. Self-confidence plays certainly a major role in how we interact with others in general.
Why are some people so uncomfortable with talking to others they do not know and what do you think could make it easier for them?
I think there is a general inclination for all of us to be a little uncertain about how others might view us and how they might respond. I used to be extremely shy but I learnt some key things as I grew older (almost said matured but that might be misleading). (I still find it hard walking into a large room full of unknown people though)
Learning 1. Others are also uncertain (so we are starting from the same point and without knowing the other we have no basis for forming an opinion).
Learning 2. Most others enjoy engaging and learning new things (and for those that dont, what have you lost?).
Learning 3. You can learn a lot and gain understanding and perspective by asking questions.
Learning 4. It gets easier (successful interactions helps grow your confidence).
@oel
That are some great points, they actually show how much we can do on our side to make it easier, thanks for sharing. I second your feeling about walking into a large room full of unknown people.
If it's okay, I'll answer this from the other side. I have some anxieties and I guess they include social. After I talk to someone for a few minutes, I start feeling uncomfortable and have the urge to get away as fast as I can. I really worry that I'm coming off wierd (though the people I talk to haven't been avoiding me so I guess I'm not too weird).
What helps me where they are concerned is just that they are very nice, friendly people. (Here, I'm thinking of my apartment neighbors - those are the people I see most often). They never keep me talking for very long at a time, but they're always friendly when we happen to see each other.
Ultimately it's my problem (and I'm using resources here to deal with it). But it's really comforting to know that these people are so nice and friendly, but also understanding that I'm always hurrying back to my apartment. So maybe others would also feel better being able to chat only as much as they can stand, and not feel bad or held back when they have to leave the conversation. (People who keep talking when you're trying to end the conversation are very stressful)
@Melayla
Having social anxiety and still putting yourself out there to chat is an accomplishment!. I can only imagine how hard it is for you but you are doing great by trying and using the resources from this site. It takes time and practice to become confidence in conversations. Knowing that others will not reject a person because they are not being fluent in conversation but actually scared makes it much easier for them, I agree.
Why are some people so uncomfortable with talking to others they do not know and what do you think could make it easier for them? The reason people are uncomfortable talking to others they do not know is that they are an unknown, you don't know how they will react to what you say. The only thing I can think of to make it easier would be to tell the people the others will be calm and not react badly.
@Offmytrack
It seems that my previous message got lost somehow so I reply again 
.
I totally agree, knowing others with stay calm and not judgemental will help a lot and reduce anxiety.
I am uncomfortable talking to people. But, lately I have been trying to talk to some people. Ive started asking more questions then listening to their answers which can lead to more questions . Sometimes it turns into a conversation.
@Lauren63
Lauren, that's a really great way to get a conversation started!
