50+ community Check-in May 25-28, 2020
Happy Monday everyone, I hope youre having a wonderful day 
Many people feel misunderstood. If you would like to be better understood, sometimes the solution is as simple as to explain yourself, but that, of course, is easier said than done.
What do you wish more people knew about you?
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It would be great is people could understand that ... although I don't outwardly show a lot of emotion ... I still feel emotions deeply.
@Justme1225
I hear you. Not showing does not mean not having. Sometimes emotions can be so strong and deep that it is hard to find words.
Apologies in advance for the long post...
1. How am I doing? I am struggling a lot right now, and it has been a very rough week. I have been an advocate for my mother for the past two (2) years, and it appears that I am making a lot of enemies. My mother had a mini-stroke last week and she fell and had to be admitted to the local hospital because she could not put any weight on her left foot. I called to see how she was doing, and I spoke to her family doctor on Wednesday (May 28) morning, and he told me that I was to leave my mother's residence, community, not to have a future role in her medical care, and to remove myself from her life. He also asked questions about financial issues as to how I help my mother with her finances, which I did not realize at the time was highly inappropriate. When Mom is released from the hospital, she will have home care workers come into her home several times per day to assist her, and I am not to be involved. According to the doctor, I am to have nothing to do with my mother or her care.
It has been 48 hours since I spoke to her doctor, and I have been a hot mess: extremely anxious, upset, unable to eat, or sleep properly. It has also triggered my ongoing issues with depression and PTSD. I was trying to help my mother out and make her home more accessible and tried to declutter and "spring clean." Instead, I was told to get out of my mother's house, town, and life. I went into "fight" or "flight" mode, and I am a huge mess right now. I did some preliminary research into the matter, and no one at my mother's apartment complex had any complaints about me being there, and today, I spoke with the police and a lawyer. The consensus is that I did nothing wrong, and according to the lawyer and police officer that I spoke to, the doctor had no power or jurisdiction to tell me what to do, and his actions were highly inappropriate.
I am my mother's next of kin and have an enduring power of attorney and am now not even comfortable talking to her. I told her about what the doctor said to me but she didn't want to hear them because she didn't want to get upset. She has told me that she wants me in her life, but I don't feel comfortable having any interactions with her. She helps me out a small about by helping me pay for my phone and internet since I am currently unable to work because of ongoing health issues.
This incident has impacted my life to the point where I feel like I am losing my mind, and can barely eat or sleep. My mother helps me pay for my internet and phone bill for the past two years because I have been unable to work because of ongoing health issues. I seriously have no idea what to do, or where to go for help. I know that I do not want the doctor to get away with the way that he spoke to me, and I feel like I am a horrible person for only trying to help my mother out.
Given my history of anxiety, depression, and PTSD, I sought help from the local mental health crisis team where one clinician said that I should apologize to the medical personnel that I have dealt with since my mother's hospitalization, and apologize for causing trouble, and for being a nuisance and a bother. I already have no self-esteem left and feel like I am a hindrance to everything and everyone. I was an emotional mess and could barely function, and I feel like a fool and am ashamed of how I behaved. I am a hot mess.
2. What am I looking forward to? To regaining some semblance of control over my life, to get my self-esteem back, and to get back to work so that I can be self-sufficient. I have no support system and no family or friends that I can talk to.
@amusingCranberry1537
I am truly so sorry for what you have had to go through. It's a disgrace what happened, you surely did not deserve to be treated like that! We are here for you 
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Please see my reply to your post also in 50+ check-in June 1-4.
@amiablePeace77
Thank you for your kind words. After two weeks of stress and chaos, I am experiencing caregiver burnout. I am at peace and understand why my mother (whom I love and dearly care for) has to go to a nursing home due to her declining health. I was dealing with unprofessional medical staff, lies, drama, nosy neighbours, and attempting to return to work so that I can some semblance of normalcy in my life. It was a painful learning experience RE: who my real friends are, and the people that criticized, judged, and admonished me when I was at an extremely low point have been removed from my life. I have no room for shallow, small-minded people who think they are better than anyone else. I remain optimistic and the world is full of beautiful and kind people.
<3
I am ready now for my troubles to end and for my pain to be gone. I want people to understand that I have done my best for as long as possible and that whatever I do now is because I cannot do anything more than what I've already done. If that's a flaw or a failure in me then I'm ok with them believing that.
@HappyDucky8 we are all flawed in some way, no one is perfect but failure, no. If you feel you could have done something differently, learn from it, we are strong human beings.
@HappyDucky8 I am sorry you are suffering. We all are. The expectation that things should be different than they are may be partly responsible for feeling that way.
@soulsings
some expectations should be expected. Being free from abusive behaviors for example.
@HappyDucky8 I agree that all people want to be free of suffering and abusive behavior. I am sorry you feel you are a victim of abuse. I hope you can find a way to keep yourself safe and find a way through or out of that situation.
