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Learning to fake it.

User Profile: Gettingbettertoday
Gettingbettertoday July 12th, 2023

A few months ago i took an online test and although i doubt it was scientific i still take the results as accurate enough. The test was about Emotional Intelligence. It was one of those you score a point for each correct answer of multiple choose questions. I could have purposely answered the way i think that i should but instead answered it based on my feelings. Because of this i scored a 0, yep a ZERO, as in no Emotional Intelligence at all.

Because of that i have been trying to work on my E.I. I am learning to appear more Empathetic by listening and using caring language. The instructions say this is not empathetic if you are not sincere. We at least i think i can fake it now.

BTW there does not seem to be any good videos on how to be sincere.


3
User Profile: toughTiger6481
toughTiger6481 July 12th, 2023

@Gettingbettertoday

I can tell you in my case the fake it til u make it worked in this area .... i was not very empathetic and was distant...... i knew it was something i needed to work on.

the sincerity came when i got closer to people to see how they viewed a situation a bit more clearly ...

User Profile: hopefulPond6108
hopefulPond6108 July 13th, 2023

@Gettingbettertoday Faking it sounds like a good start. I think empathy is more about attention than about “feeling”. If someone shares something with you and you can pay attention close enough to at least partly put yourself in their shoes then you’re being empathetic.


Tests are funny things. Even some supposedly “scientific” tests seem really ridiculously useless. Some psychological models are based on stuff that is useful in some tiny piece of research but are not useful by themselves to ordinary humans.

I think developing empathy can start with self compassion. I wonder if it is possible to practice empathy for oneself. Mindfulness meditation was helpful to me in learning some self compassion. This type of meditation involves less thinking and more paying attention to our internal states - how we feel physically, emotionally. There is actually some information in this activity that is different than the chatter we have in our head. It can reduce tension in our body and allow us to see situations, ourselves and others in slightly different ways. In “softer” ways. Many of us who have learned about mindfulness hear “softer” as weakness. It’s anything but weakness. We humans often think being hard on ourselves is the right thing to do. We may extend that attitude outward to others. That “toughen up” attitude may block us from allowing ourselves to find a more empathetic stance.

One of the self compassion blocks I had was assuming I was broken, defective in some way. I came to see my problems less as things that were “hard wired” into my personality, but rather just a lack of understanding and skills. It was a significant jump. It took a lot of depression out and put a lot of hope into my sails. It simplified my problems. I still have plenty of problems, but I learned some powerful tools that make challenges easier to face. David Burns book, “Feeling Good” contained many tools. His book, “Feeling Good Together” might also be a good resource to develop more “effective” empathy but it might be a bit specialized to intimate relationships.

Anyway, I’m guessing your real E.I. is much greater than zero.
User Profile: SunShineAlwaysGrateful
SunShineAlwaysGrateful July 16th, 2023

@Gettingbettertoday

It is known that with knowledge comes power to change. I love that you are trying hard to become more in tune with others. The effort will be noticed and over time I suspect it will become more natural to you. Notice how other people handle situations and how they create empathy.

Keep working on it. I am cheering you on across the miles ….you got this! 🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌 😎😎😎😎

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