Weekend Check-In May 31 to June 2, 2019
Happy Friday everyone. Wish you all a great weekend.
Right Speech
The way we communicate with ourselves and others is an essential part of well-being, our own and others.
Right speech means communicating with us and others in a way that doesnt cause harm.
We cant avoid hurting others all the time by applying right speech (we are simply not perfect) but we try to do our best, can be mindful and not be sarcastic or disvalue someones opinion or person because they do not fit into the so called "standard drawer".
We can learn to choose the right speech when communication with people and our inner self, be gentle, understanding, not hurtful.
Did it happen in the past that you caught yourself using the wrong speech and how did you feel about it?
How often does it happen you talk to yourself in a hurtful way or did you already become your best friend?
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Im still overly critical of what I say and I sometimes have a lack of filter which is leading me to speak less.
@Zengrl
It sounds like you do not know how to express yourself the way you want and are afraid to say the wrong thing. I can only imagine how saddening it must be for you.HUGS 
. Communication skills are something we are not born with but what we acquire by listening to others, reading and of course speaking more.
@amiablePeace77 Each day I
@Zengrl
@amiablePeace77
I regret few things unsaid in the past. Wish had told my dad I believed in him and was with him. Or Had told my friend, wanted to be with them,no matter what.As both are not there in this world, I will never be able to tell them . Sometimes death is so sudden and uncertain .
@fancySummer52
I am sorry for your loss. It hurts when someone you love dies— especially if it happens suddenly and no time was given to get somehow prepared. Unfortunately we cannot change the past but I believe that they knew how you felt, how much you loved them, even if you did not put it in words.
@amiablePeace77
Thank you ❤️
I don't know if it's a simple as right speech and wrong speech.
The words choosen, tone, body language, etc. make a complex mix. Sometimes my tone isn't ideal, sometimes I have trouble coming up with the best wording to explain something it doesn't mean that all of it is 'wrong speech'. Sometimes sarcasm is useful and it isn't always harmful.
@AffyAvo
Those are interesting points Affy, thanks for sharing.
I find it easier to communicate in writing. It gives me time to think. Also I have hearing loss so sometimes I misunderstand and say things back that aren't right. I'm trying to be kinder because you never know if you'll have another opportunity.
@mutter3
I agree to what you said, when writing we can take more time to choose our words, be mindful of them. Living in the consciousness that there might not be another opportunity helps to be more mindful too. Show your appreciation to others whilst you can.
I am struggling with grief of the loss of my last living parent my father 3/11/19 and struggling with depression and anxiety and the terrible loneliness associated with my like now at 56. I am also off work for over 2 weeks now trying to get approval from my medical insurance company for a procedure to bock the nerve branch affecting my spine L1 thru L5 on both sides of my spine causing constant discomfort and pain traveling down into my right buttocks. Pain is so hard to live with when it affects even basic movements and caring for yourself when you live alone and have no help.
The damn corporate wind up to Fathers Day has triggered my grief again. My therapy has helped but June 10th is my father and my brothers birthday and then comes Fathers Day. So May and June are like a double whammy for me to get through now with both my parents gone. May being Mothers Day and then her birthday. I miss them both so much. I really miss getting the I love you no matter what hugs from them. I really miss the elements of human loving physical touch. It has really become painfully apparent that I am starving for physical touch. Being lonely is heartbreaking I am so tired of crying but it is my natural response to what I am dealing with.
@bgdave
To go through grief requires incredible reserves of strength. There are no quick or easy tips for dealing with it when someone you love dies, it is a painful process. I wish I had something to say that would take away the pain, but I dont. I am glad that you come here and say how you feel, I hope it gives you some relief. I wish I could sit next to you and put my arms around your shoulder but I can only send you hugs and I do HUGS. When things are getting really rough, I like to listen to a self-compassion meditation and hugs myself or put my hands on my heart, become my best friend. Even if hugs are self-hugs they still can give great comfort.
I've been going through something of a personal crisis for the past several weeks now and I'd say that it's mainly because of not-right speech. In looking at similar situations in my life my manner has been so passive-aggressive but I've never been very kind to myself either and that's been all aggressive as best I can see. I just feel lonely and alone but that's probably because that's exactly what I am for now. We all struggle at times, I know but sometimes I wonder if the struggle is worth the effort.
@forko23
So sorry to hear about your struggles HUGS . We can be our worst enemies and we are also experts in hurting ourselves but we can also learn to become our best friend, not being so harsh to ourselves but be compassionate and kind. I am learning on that too.
I agree we all struggle, we all suffer - it is a hard road which leads to the top of the mountain but the view is amazing so each step is worth it. 🧡
Btw have you ever considered Meetup.com?
@amiablePeace77
Thank you, so much and yes, I've tried Meetup but so far I haven't had much success through there.
@forko23
Sorry that Meet.up did not bring you any results. What about activity centres close to you, like sports clubs or doing a course like art, craft or something you like.
I find volunteer work within the community (if possible) can be a great option too to bond with other people. Hope you will find something but never forget that you can always come here to join events.
@amiablePeace77
Thanks, I actually have tried some of those other items that you mention. Volunteering and activity groups too. I haven't given up, not yet anyway. It just gets frustrating to try so many different things but to get so few positive results. If I were a farmer and so few of the seeds I planted would grow, as my activity experiences have borne fruit, I think that I'd wonder about my farming abilities. I'm looking for my tribe. I just must not be looking in the right place. I only hope that some of them arelooking for me as well.
@forko23
Hey, great forko that you tried some of the things. I know from myself it's frustrating if you are trying and trying but do not get the results you are looking for but I am sure one day you will, things will work you. You never know why things happen in a particular way, it does not mean it's about abilities, maybe things are happening like they do to teach something, that is what I found out for myself with lots of things. Looking in different places increases chances but maybe your tribe is also looking for you and one day you meet at the right place. hope that day comes very soon.
@amiablePeace77
Thanks so much, I appreciate your concern for me.
Well another long week to find a way to make it through. The 10th is around the corner which is my brother and my fathers birthdays. We lost him this year in March and it is still so fresh. It reduces me to tears at almost every Fathers Day advertisement we get slammed with it is a terribly difficult time for me right now. Combined with the spinal pain and depression I struggle with all alone I ask the universe wtf I am still alive for other than to exist in misery?
@bgdave
This is a particularly hard time, you are fighting so many painful challenges right now. Things will get better with time, it might not look like it now but it will. These days will pass and hopefully you will feel a bit better. Please continue to come here and talk about it, dont stay alone.
Is there anyone you can think about with whom you would like and can spend that day and maybe bout honoring their birthdays in some way or would you find it more helpful to let it be just a day ?