Aging Parents
I'm wondering, for those who have been though this already, or going through this now:
Brief background: I am an only child. My parents are both in their mid-80s. They are divorced from each other, but each has a partner. They still live independently, but in declining health. They each want to age in place, in their own homes, for as long as they possibly can. I think they are both on seemingly very long waiting lists for continuing care facilities, but at the moment, we don't know where anyone really is on the wait list, we just know they've been on the wait list for several years for these places already.
Now the question: At what point do you decide it's time to "do" something for an aging parent?
My dad, for example, is fiercely independent, and equally as stubborn. He has fallen several times in the past year. Once I came to visit and he was sitting in his front yard but couldn't get up without my help. When I saw him several days ago, he was extremely shaky. I'm worried about him. He doesn't want help. His wife is more able-bodied but wouldn't be able to help him up if he fell and needed help. He refuses to let her call 911.
SO I ask myself, do I just try to respect him and his desire to just live his life in a weak and shaky and unstable state? He's got a doctor appt in a few days, and I'm hoping the doctor will give him some guidance because he's more likely to listen to the doctor, but that doesn't mean he'll actually do what the doctor says. Sigh.
What have you done, or not done, for your aging parents, and how did that work for you?
I know everyone has a different and unique experience, I'm just trying to feel not quite so alone here. Again, I'm the only child, of basically four aging adults (my parents and their respective partners) - and this is going to be a REALLY HARD experience in the near future.
Thanks for your input/stories/experiences.
@GoingInCircles365
I have been through this with both my parents (deceased), my eldest brother (deceased), and now my MIL who is still active and 95% cognizant. There may come a point when there is no other option but to choose long term care against their will. This was the case with my mother. It is difficult, especially if the person has difficulty reasoning. My brother and mother were both against inpatient living facility, but they were no longer able to care for themselves. The best you can do is try to find a place with good reputation. We did it before there was an internet, but it will still be difficult nonetheless. If finances are an issue check into medicaid benifits/requirements. In my state we have the ladybird act. It shields the patient's home from being confiscated for payment to medicaid. The are no miracle answers, just know you are not alone.
@brightJet8177
Hi, thanks for your reply.
It's really not an easy time. It's not easy getting older, feeling older, experiencing that decline in wellbeing. It's also not easy watching someone you're close to go through that experience.
I find myself thinking a lot about these long-term care facilities, in a general sort of way. HOw sad, really, that we don't have more options. Old people are PEOPLE and deserve care and compassion, just like everyone else. Why do so many "homes" feel like sterile institutions? Ugh.
Anyway, thank you again for sharing your story, it doesn't sound like an easy time at all.