Ramblings before the brain flicker switch breaks and the darkness prevails

Trigger warning for anything. I don't recommend reading this. I am old and my brain flickers often, kind of a reset thing. Sometimes I "come to" or focus and I have no idea where I am or who I am. Sometimes it's only for a few seconds and somethings become recognizable, sometimes not so much. I have reminder lists of certain things that sometimes help, sometimes it makes things more confusing. I think I have trashed these lists in the past in my frustration.

At this point , it seems that things have changed to the point that I must have been scared of how bad things were getting with the flickers. I am off work until testing and such can be done to minimize driving, unfortunately I have a few times yet of driving before I can give it up . A few of these appointments included. Until I can somehow navigate this messed up life I am stuck in.