Things my mind hides or loses….which is beginning to be just about everything .
Trigger warning for many things, not sure of specifics until I write it down
I think I have other writings here …. somewhere…that are similar. Possibly with the same content, intention and purpose. Documentation of my issues and decline so maybe after I am gone that it might help someone from having a “life” like mine.
First of all, I better write down something while I still have a few threads in my mind.
I had this dream/nightmare that seems real familiar but don’t know why. Unfortunately, I don’t remember much now since I insisted on writing the intro first.
I was living in a huge house, or maybe I was just really small? There were other people there but I have now forgotten what they looked like . For some reason there were these long electrical cords with plug pigtails every foot or so connected all over the house. These cords are identical to ones I periodically use in my real world job. Well this was pointless, I have now forgotten everything I was trying to remember to write down here.
But, then again it’s what has become my normal daily routine. Forgetting everything from one step to the next.
I have a reminder board that helps try and guide me back to this community, making sure I know this is a safe place. I also have a highlighted note there that tells me to remember to not discuss certain topics here because of the fear of the current governments overreaching childish racist, prejudice behavior rolling back the positive acceptance and changes reached over the years and preaching hate masked as religion.
I also highlighted the personal things I shouldn’t discuss here because of that. I think even my personal doctor has given up on me because of the new legal landscape around this country. I looked at the notes left after my last visit and they were very blunt in what they stated. Plus she wanted me to schedule the next appointment six months from then. Which is an extremely long time from the normal times.
She is probably right though. Her final words are probably what is going to be my reality. She has really pushed me for going back to therapy and all that goes with that. I have resisted that for many reasons including the lifetime of doing all of that and still being the way I am. The reality is tgat I think not continuing that path and stumbling into this community was the better path. Especially considering everything happening in this country and around the world right now. Private information including medical information are being accessed by the people in power so that that information can be weaponized against us.
The freedom that we have been lucky enough to have for so long is being quickly stripped away and soon will be replaced with fear and control.
Sorry, I am rambling on about unrelated things. This was supposed to be a spot to write down things before they ho missing from my mind.
I will stop for now..
@Iamwhoiamwhoami how's your day going??
@Tinywhisper11
At the moment, glad to hear from you.
Other than that I'm not sure... I was trying to get something done ... I think. 🤔 But then again maybe I wasn't.
@Iamwhoiamwhoami 😂😂 it's ok your just showing your age is all😁💖 I'm just taking a coffee break right now, I've got my guinea pigs all out playing they are so much fun to watch💖 sorry for late reply I wasn't around yesterday I've been going through some mental challenges so I'm not been here so often. But anyways how's your pain levels?? Is your mobility ok at the moment?
@Tinywhisper11
Your piggies are so lucky to have you by their side.
You never owe me any apologies. You are a wonderful, special beautiful angel.
Continually trying to keep the things that overwhelm us down to a whisper is near impossible. It seems that it is too easy for those things to escalate and overtake us. Yet it seems so hard to stop its progression and push it back in its place.
My pain levels are high, I don't think my mobility is going to improve. But that is old news. You are who matters. I love you..💝
@Iamwhoiamwhoami we both matter💖💖 it would be nice if we had a cabin in the woods and so much money we could just live out the rest of our days in each other's company with no worries, other than me annoying you because I talk to much😁 I love you more 💖
@Tinywhisper11
You have the warmest desires. You are welcome to try and annoy me for eternity. 💝
@Iamwhoiamwhoami yaaay😂😂💖
I have been trying to get things moved around and somewhat organized to make it possibly a little easier to find things considering my brain spasms. Plus getting things shuffled for winter storage.
My storage shed is probably like most people's, a complete unorganized mess. I managed to pick up a lot of things and shuffled them around and mostly got the main floor area opened back up for the lawnmower, utility carts, and a snowblower. Hopefully I can get my spraycart in there as well. I doubt it will though.
Had to order another shelving unit so I can get the last stacks of boxes moved. I have a large enclosed metal electrical box that I have to move out of it and take to recycling.
Not sure how many days and when those days were but have neared completion of getting my garage organized. Still have things to finish, like mounting the flip down shelf doors for the 2x4 and plywood workbench and storage. A few other things as well but getting closer.
Inside my house is another story, long way from organization. Outside and garage first. Still need to weld the hitch on the spraycart. I was a wimp today, too cold outside.
Also still need to buy lumber for steps and sidewalk (or whatever I come up with for winter coverage). I am losing focus . Enough for now.
@Iamwhoiamwhoami you already done soooo much you should be so proud of yourself💖 I'm extremely proud of you💖 this time last year was so uncertain, yet I knew you'd be ok 💖 💖 it's ok to be a whimp, when it comes to the cold I'm a whimp to😁 actually when its to hot I'm a whimp to😂 maybe a nice cosy relaxing day for you 💖 and don't worry you got me and everyone else here to keep you company💖💖
@Tinywhisper11
For that I will always be thankful.
💞
@Iamwhoiamwhoami it's not cold here yet, though it's cooling down alot. It actually just started raining really bad, I got my window open so me and the pigs are listening to the rain😁 it's quite relaxing💖 I posted another art post, remind me later and I'll tag you so you can see💖 I'm so glad your back I miss our chats😁 and I don't know if you remember but towards the end we had to start writing our messages to each other with the letter Y first if our messages got to lovey dovey😂 so helga (one of your good friends) didn't have to read those messages😁
@Tinywhisper11
It has been in the 30-40 (fahrenheit) degrees range at night for quite a few days now. It's bad enough living in a place that can still have snow on the ground in June, much less starting the frost warnings at the beginning of September. When the cold weather started it rained off and on as well.
Of course I would love to see your art. Should we continue the practice of starting our messages with Y?
@Iamwhoiamwhoami nah we don't need to use Y I'm not afraid of our conversations😁💖 I'm not great with understanding Fahrenheit/degrees but I imagine that's really cold for you🙁 make sure when you go out you wrap up warm 💖 I remember when I first started talking to you I would always say I love you at the end of my messages, but you didn't like to say that cause you take that word seriously😁 then after a while you were saying I love you and it warmed my heart so very much 💖 then when you started using emojis I was sooooooo proud😁 you really are amazing in every way 💖 I really do love you💖
I had to look it up online but 32 degrees F is equivalent to 0 degrees C.
I don't remember any of that right now, but maybe I will another time. I do know I am always proud of you. I looked at your art and you never cease to amaze me with your wonderfully beautiful and creative talents.
I love you to💗
@Iamwhoiamwhoami it's ok you don't have to look it up 💖 I was just reminiscing about our friendship💖 0 degrees 😳 oh dang! That's freezing point🙁 please wrap up warm and drink lots of hot stuff💖 Its still hot enough to not have to wear cardigans here during the day. I just got some new winter beds ready for my piggies 😁 it took me almost an hour to set the one up, my stupid hands weren't working😂
@Tinywhisper11
That got my curiosity peaked. What do you make for their winter beds? 🛌 🐹 🛌 🐹 🛌 🐹
I have issues with my hands as well. It's extremely frustrating. Between arthritis and culmination of abuse my body has had to endure, I drop things it seems continuously. Which is really inconvenient considering the work I do.
❤️
@Iamwhoiamwhoami I make them cardboard box hides/tunnels/beds. But their main beds I buy of amazon😁 I just had 3 beds through a pop up box one they can sleep in and on top, a little tent one, and a felt one that I had to slot the roof and floor into the little slots, that one was the hard one💖 but I defeated that bed.... Eventually😂😂 arthritis is painful 🙁 bless you and I can sympathise with dropping things all the time 💖 do you have work today?
@Tinywhisper11
Those sound adorable.
Yes, I just got home a little while ago.
@Iamwhoiamwhoami it must feel good to get home from a long day at work 💖 I hope you can relax now and get some good sleep tonight💖 if I was there I would have a cup of hot tea and a warm meal ready for when you walk through the door💖
@Tinywhisper11
I suppose so. I don't even think about it much anymore.
I wouldn't know what to do with real food and not microwave meals. ❤️
@Iamwhoiamwhoami yeah I'm lucky we have chefs here at the care home, so we have the option to have nice cooked meals💖 it's 1:29 am here, so I'm gonna go lie down for a while 💖 you take it easy now and I get lots of rest 💖 hugs you tightly 💖 goodnight gorgeous I love you 💗
Sweet dreams, I love you too 💞
@Tinywhisper11
💖 Thinking of you💖
@Iamwhoiamwhoami ohhh sorry for late replys🙁 I'm going through some mental challenges and I'm not here as frequently right now. But I'm always thinking of you too🙂💖 I'm in the middle of making cardbord tunnels for my piggies right now 😁 I'm just having a coffee break💖 cardboard toys don't last long with my guinea pigs, they poop everywhere😂 what are you up to?? Hopefully keeping your mind busy and keeping warm 💖 oh I didn't tell you a while ago a new resident came here, he's really nice and he taught me how to play snakes and ladders, I keep winning😁😁 he also taught me how to play a card game😁 snakes and ladders is the first board game I've ever played💖
@Tinywhisper11
No worries. We both struggle with too much, and it is hard enough staying afloat and then when those things overwhelm us it becomes a massive struggle to get back to the surface. Mental challenges are the most difficult to get back to a somewhat stable position.
A new and nice face to face friend to help get through the day. That is wonderful news. You deserve that and so much more.
💗
