Things my mind hides or loses….which is beginning to be just about everything .
Trigger warning for many things, not sure of specifics until I write it down
I think I have other writings here …. somewhere…that are similar. Possibly with the same content, intention and purpose. Documentation of my issues and decline so maybe after I am gone that it might help someone from having a “life” like mine.
First of all, I better write down something while I still have a few threads in my mind.
I had this dream/nightmare that seems real familiar but don’t know why. Unfortunately, I don’t remember much now since I insisted on writing the intro first.
I was living in a huge house, or maybe I was just really small? There were other people there but I have now forgotten what they looked like . For some reason there were these long electrical cords with plug pigtails every foot or so connected all over the house. These cords are identical to ones I periodically use in my real world job. Well this was pointless, I have now forgotten everything I was trying to remember to write down here.
But, then again it’s what has become my normal daily routine. Forgetting everything from one step to the next.
I have a reminder board that helps try and guide me back to this community, making sure I know this is a safe place. I also have a highlighted note there that tells me to remember to not discuss certain topics here because of the fear of the current governments overreaching childish racist, prejudice behavior rolling back the positive acceptance and changes reached over the years and preaching hate masked as religion.
I also highlighted the personal things I shouldn’t discuss here because of that. I think even my personal doctor has given up on me because of the new legal landscape around this country. I looked at the notes left after my last visit and they were very blunt in what they stated. Plus she wanted me to schedule the next appointment six months from then. Which is an extremely long time from the normal times.
She is probably right though. Her final words are probably what is going to be my reality. She has really pushed me for going back to therapy and all that goes with that. I have resisted that for many reasons including the lifetime of doing all of that and still being the way I am. The reality is tgat I think not continuing that path and stumbling into this community was the better path. Especially considering everything happening in this country and around the world right now. Private information including medical information are being accessed by the people in power so that that information can be weaponized against us.
The freedom that we have been lucky enough to have for so long is being quickly stripped away and soon will be replaced with fear and control.
Sorry, I am rambling on about unrelated things. This was supposed to be a spot to write down things before they ho missing from my mind.
I will stop for now..
Trigger warning...ranting about the nonsense going on around here. All things are my opinions as I see them.
The childish antics of people in charge of this countries government have selected blindness to reality. The comments made used to be passed off as so blatantly stupid and ignorant they might have even seemed humorous to some. But like a child who learns that bad behavior gets them what they want, these people have been inflating their own egos at the expense of everything good and important to not only this country but the world overall.
The tariffs that have been imposed have extremely hurt the people who have no say in this ridiculous nonsense. People across the board have tightened the grip on the money belt because they can't afford the products and services they rely on. The reality is that the cooperation between countries regarding so many different things became so intertwined in everyday life including businesses and personal. To have something so precious that took decades of teamwork and collaboration around the world literally destroyed in a matter of months by people that don't care about the consequences of their words and actions. The entitlement that oozes from those people is disgraceful. I think that even the ones that have been supporting this behavior are finally seeing the reality of these immature decisions. Even if I would by some strange miracle have the courage to travel outside of this country I would be afraid of the reactions to my being in whatever place I went. I think that there are many places that are judging and reacting to this country in whole based on the childish antics gone wild in this country that start at the top and has trickled down to everyday people who are being divided so much over too many things that shouldn't be as weaponized as they have become.
Unfortunately it will never be the same as it once was . True acceptance has been erased. Acceptance is based on what side of the fence you stand on depending on the issue.
@Iamwhoiamwhoami
"I have a reminder board that helps try and guide me back to this community, making sure I know this is a safe place."
This is so precious! A good idea.🌸
Laying here trying to get to sleep and I, for some reason, began thinking about the boardwalk and stairs project. I first started thinking about what I needed to do to complete the project, and then I started thinking about the stairs part of it. I know or at least am fairly sure that I did that myself but I don't remember doing it. I vaguely remember doing the rest of what was done. I think I am going to have to start writing down somewhere that I would hopefully see, the things I need to do in detail. I think this brain thing is getting worse.
I need to try and finish that project asap so it's not an issue later. I think I just have a bunch of screws to put in on a couple sheets and driveway markers on both sides of the sidewalk/boardwalk for plowing protection.
This brain memory thing is really frustrating. Especially when I am the only record of the things I've done/experienced. Plus I am the only one to try and figure things out over and over and over.
I have so much to get organized and done before I completely go blank and turn into a living blob.
Trying to get motivated to get up and get out the door to head to work for a little while. I have to make sure I get at least 40hrs in or we are required to use our paid time off to cover. I don't want to do that.
I will probably do a little needed work on my service truck. I need to replace the rear shocks, possibly a quick wash as well provided a wash bay is open and how my body feels at that point.
There was some things that I needed to do outside (at home) but other than mowing I can't remember what they were. I will hopefully remember before I get back home.
Been home for work for awhile, several hours I think. I got home and crawled into bed and have been there since. The weather is sunshine and I prefer to be where I am.
I suppose I should get the outside stuff done when the sun comes up. Since I don't think I accomplished much of anything today.
@Iamwhoiamwhoami
@Tinywhisper11
💗💖💝❤️💕🩷❣️💓💜
I finished the sidewalk/boardwalk project... I think. Driveway markers are in . Lawn is mowed. Plywood is strapped down in the shed. 5 gallon oil buckets are emptied and cleaned out and stacked in shed with the lids in a couple of small plastic totes. I think that's everything I just finished....
Now, I need to finish organizing, inventorying everything in the house and garage. I'm debating on buying more metal shelving for a bunch of larger totes to make it a little easier?? to access them because my body can't take stacking and unstacking them in the small room they are in. Probably 4 separate sets, 2 side by side and the other two the same directly in front of those. Possibly might be better to get 6 and do a triple stack.
Really don't know why I am bothering to organize and tote everything up for some strangers to throw away when I am gone. Granted it possibly makes finding things a slight bit easier for me while still here but once my mind decides to shut off completely that won't matter anyway.
This has kind of turned into a diary or journal of sorts.