Things my mind hides or loses….which is beginning to be just about everything .
Trigger warning for many things, not sure of specifics until I write it down
I think I have other writings here …. somewhere…that are similar. Possibly with the same content, intention and purpose. Documentation of my issues and decline so maybe after I am gone that it might help someone from having a “life” like mine.
First of all, I better write down something while I still have a few threads in my mind.
I had this dream/nightmare that seems real familiar but don’t know why. Unfortunately, I don’t remember much now since I insisted on writing the intro first.
I was living in a huge house, or maybe I was just really small? There were other people there but I have now forgotten what they looked like . For some reason there were these long electrical cords with plug pigtails every foot or so connected all over the house. These cords are identical to ones I periodically use in my real world job. Well this was pointless, I have now forgotten everything I was trying to remember to write down here.
But, then again it’s what has become my normal daily routine. Forgetting everything from one step to the next.
I have a reminder board that helps try and guide me back to this community, making sure I know this is a safe place. I also have a highlighted note there that tells me to remember to not discuss certain topics here because of the fear of the current governments overreaching childish racist, prejudice behavior rolling back the positive acceptance and changes reached over the years and preaching hate masked as religion.
I also highlighted the personal things I shouldn’t discuss here because of that. I think even my personal doctor has given up on me because of the new legal landscape around this country. I looked at the notes left after my last visit and they were very blunt in what they stated. Plus she wanted me to schedule the next appointment six months from then. Which is an extremely long time from the normal times.
She is probably right though. Her final words are probably what is going to be my reality. She has really pushed me for going back to therapy and all that goes with that. I have resisted that for many reasons including the lifetime of doing all of that and still being the way I am. The reality is tgat I think not continuing that path and stumbling into this community was the better path. Especially considering everything happening in this country and around the world right now. Private information including medical information are being accessed by the people in power so that that information can be weaponized against us.
The freedom that we have been lucky enough to have for so long is being quickly stripped away and soon will be replaced with fear and control.
Sorry, I am rambling on about unrelated things. This was supposed to be a spot to write down things before they ho missing from my mind.
I will stop for now..
I must've injured my knee again lately. I have a large bruise and it appears the kneecap is cracked or split. Another of the numerous bodily deformities whose root causes elude me. Add that to the many cuts etc that I get on a regular basis that I am usually unaware of at the time. It is what it is. ......
@Tinywhisper11
❤️💓💗
@Iamwhoiamwhoami hey sweetie 💖I'm so sorry for late reply, again😕 I'm still working through some mental health challenges and honestly have only been in and out of cups for like 5 minutes a day, so trying to catch up now I have a moment of peace💖 your poor knee🙁 kisses it better 💋 does it hurt? You remembered everything that needed to be done 💖 mow lawn and organise so well done💖 and yep! You pretty much done all the steps and sidewalk all by yourself, you did hire people to do it about a year ago, but they were really horrible builder people made more work for you than helping you🙁 your emojis are working yaaaay!😁 I'm the same as you I don't like it to cold outside of to hot either, we sound like a old couple complaining about the weather😂😂 I don't know what others are thinking about the state your country is in, but we all know it's got nothing to do with the people in the country, it's caused by hierarchy and I for one feel so sorry for you and everyone else suffering from this 🙁 I wish you could come live in my carehome, so I could keep you safe and happy💖 gives you the gianntist tiny hugg everrr💖 I love you 💗
@Tinywhisper11
That would be an amazing thing, ❤️I love you too❤️
@Iamwhoiamwhoami I’ve greeted my colleague 3 times today and I thought our conversation from today happened before that. Is this what you are talking about? Sorry I’m new here
@AdHdwarrior4899
I will try and respond later, I am at work right now.
@AdHdwarrior4899
I have a laundry list of issues but as far as the memory thing is concerned, I actually had to root through some of my old medical papers to get the correct information to you about this particular issue.
My mind will randomly shut off and I could have seconds to minutes or possibly longer that my mind is a complete blank. When it comes back into focus, a good portion of the time I don't know where or who I am, what I am doing.. you get idea. I also can literally have a large white sheet, say a bed sheet spread out and the only item on it is say a large black frying pan, I can literally look at that sheet multiple times in the process of looking all over for that particular pan and not see the pan.
I can forget things I did five minutes ago like it never happened.
I have a lifetime history of concussions from many different activities. It is not from sports just results of my actions. There have been a lot of things related to my memory issues including headaches, blackouts, etc. after several years of dealing with it, and a lot of research the root cause lines up with something called CTE. There is no true treatment for it because it can't currently be diagnosed until after death. I won't go into details about that. If you're interested check into it online. There is research being done but it is mainly around sports concussions.
My doctor checked into this and long story short prescribed some medications that have been known to help alleviate some of the symptoms. It has helped some but someday my brain won't just flicker it will basically shut off communication regarding thoughts etc.
@Iamwhoiamwhoami hugs you tightly 💖
@Tinywhisper11
Hugs you too💖💖
@Iamwhoiamwhoami what you up to??
@Tinywhisper11
Right now ...trying to get motivated to get up and ready for work. . I don't think I have done much of anything besides work the last couple of days.
I have to load up a few things to take with me, hopefully I don't forget them.
How are you doing?? I love you❤️❤️
@Iamwhoiamwhoami poor you having to go to work 😕 I hope they are all kind to you there 💖 I'm doing ok I just made new cardboard box tunnels for my piggies now I'm having a coffee break 😋 I've been not doing much, kinda just been staying in my room because of this cold I got, I don't want to make any of the older folks here sick. There's a storm hitting the UK tomorrow, I'm hoping just wind and rain and no scary thunder storms. I hope you have a good day 💖 I love you 💗 hugs you tightly 💖
@Tinywhisper11
Still struggling with that stubborn cold...hopefully you get rid of that soon. I am sure we will be getting more rain over the next couple weeks. One of the big crops in this area is beginning to be harvested as soon as the ground temperature gets cool enough, and when that particular harvest begins we usually get rain off and on throughout making a lot of roads a muddy slick mess . Plus the semi's getting loaded in the field and then getting pulled to the road. Anyway, rain is usually a given no matter what the extended forecast calls for. 💖I love you too💖
@Iamwhoiamwhoami do you live in the countryside?? Does the countryside air smell as nice as I've been told?? Yeah this cold I got isn't going away, my immune system is really low, so it's expected. My carer bought me some halloween chocolate lolly pops😁 I haven't ate any yet but that was really nice of her😁💖 my piggies are all asleep but they send you warm hugs 💖😁 and you get a biggggg hug from me 💖 I 💘 you💖
@Tinywhisper11
I do, and it definitely doesn't have the big city odors.
Chocolate lollipops?.... sounds tasty.
💖hugs you all as well 💖I love you too 💖
@Iamwhoiamwhoami I don't live in the countryside or big city, I live in a valley😁 it's nice and quiet here and we have a nearby river, canal and big pond, so I get to see all kinds of birds fly past in the mornings😁💖 I love seeing and listening to the birds💖
@Tinywhisper11
I live in a small town in the countryside. A little variety with the wildlife, deer, turkeys, foxes, coyotes, occasional bear or two, moose, swans, loons, pelicans , lots of birds, and I am sure I am missing so many others. I live in an old house and actually have a robin, not sure if it's the same one or not, but every year it nests in the eaves of my house in the same spot and it's young are strangely curious whenever I am outside. . There is one that would actually hop alongside the riding mower while I was mowing, and when I went across the road to mow the ditch it followed me there and did the same thing. I suppose they don't perceive me as a threat.
There was a rabbit or two nesting under my shed but I haven't seen them for awhile...
@Iamwhoiamwhoami awww thats cute 💖 mamma robin probably tells her babies how she comes to stay safely with you each year, so your like their uncle robin😁💖 you are surrounded by sooooo much wildlife, but with bears and scary animals roaming around I'd have to sleep with all the lights on and carry a frying pan as a weapon every time I leave the house😂 I've never seen most of those animals you mentioned, it must be pretty cool 💖 have you always lived there?
@Tinywhisper11
Guessing about 20 years or so. Bears aren't that common here but they are around. Moose are a lot more common .
❤️💖💓
@Iamwhoiamwhoami I looked up what a moose is😱 those things are soooo big😱 you are so brave, if I see a spider I lock myself in a different room, till my carer gets rid of it😱😂
@Tinywhisper11
I'd burn the room down to get that spider 🕷️ 😂
@Amanda84 thankyou💖 I don't like hairy scarys😱😱
@Tinywhisper11
Does anyone 🤢
Reorganizing my organizing. I received the shelving I ordered for one of my rooms that is so packed with storage totes that are stacked ceiling high . I have them all labeled with their contents but even though they're packed with stuff I supposedly don't use often, it seems like I always need to get something in the lowest one in the rear corner of the room. My body can't handle the repetitive movement it takes to unstack and move to another room then move and restack just to get something stupid.
After work last night I moved a lot of those totes to another room temporarily to start setting shelving units in place .
I vaguely remember putting a couple of shelving units together earlier this week after work I think.
Filled the first unit floor to ceiling with totes. I set the second unit next to that one. The current plan is to set units directly in front of the others with shelves set at the same height as the ones behind so that if totes needed behind then could hopefully be able to maneuver the totes straight forward from shelf to shelf. Stupid idea but it's the best my feeble mind can come up with for now.
Working on moving totes to second unit . My ocd mind had decided to order two different styles of shelving because I wanted to utilize the overall length of the wall I am using as the backer wall. Which is fine for the purpose but it is really taxing my brain to try and organize (like a puzzle) to utilize as much space as possible while still attempting to put the items I hopefully won't need/want anytime soon. I am hoping that this overthinking I am doing doesn't trigger a brain flicker anytime soon.
I tried, unsuccessfully of course, to shift the totes around when I stacked in the other room last night so that the ones I had planned on (at that point) shelving first were easily accessible. That worked for the first unit ok. The second one not so much. I'm still working on finishing filling the second unit. Then I will have to put together a couple more then continue filling shelves. But I will have to adjust my inventory log before placing the next set of shelves......