Things my mind hides or loses….which is beginning to be just about everything .
Trigger warning for many things, not sure of specifics until I write it down
I think I have other writings here …. somewhere…that are similar. Possibly with the same content, intention and purpose. Documentation of my issues and decline so maybe after I am gone that it might help someone from having a “life” like mine.
First of all, I better write down something while I still have a few threads in my mind.
I had this dream/nightmare that seems real familiar but don’t know why. Unfortunately, I don’t remember much now since I insisted on writing the intro first.
I was living in a huge house, or maybe I was just really small? There were other people there but I have now forgotten what they looked like . For some reason there were these long electrical cords with plug pigtails every foot or so connected all over the house. These cords are identical to ones I periodically use in my real world job. Well this was pointless, I have now forgotten everything I was trying to remember to write down here.
But, then again it’s what has become my normal daily routine. Forgetting everything from one step to the next.
I have a reminder board that helps try and guide me back to this community, making sure I know this is a safe place. I also have a highlighted note there that tells me to remember to not discuss certain topics here because of the fear of the current governments overreaching childish racist, prejudice behavior rolling back the positive acceptance and changes reached over the years and preaching hate masked as religion.
I also highlighted the personal things I shouldn’t discuss here because of that. I think even my personal doctor has given up on me because of the new legal landscape around this country. I looked at the notes left after my last visit and they were very blunt in what they stated. Plus she wanted me to schedule the next appointment six months from then. Which is an extremely long time from the normal times.
She is probably right though. Her final words are probably what is going to be my reality. She has really pushed me for going back to therapy and all that goes with that. I have resisted that for many reasons including the lifetime of doing all of that and still being the way I am. The reality is tgat I think not continuing that path and stumbling into this community was the better path. Especially considering everything happening in this country and around the world right now. Private information including medical information are being accessed by the people in power so that that information can be weaponized against us.
The freedom that we have been lucky enough to have for so long is being quickly stripped away and soon will be replaced with fear and control.
Sorry, I am rambling on about unrelated things. This was supposed to be a spot to write down things before they ho missing from my mind.
I will stop for now..
So far able to somewhat stay focused without major brain flickers. 3rd unit is together, placed and almost full. I am going to lay down for a bit, my body is drained. Hopefully I don't fall asleep or zone out , I need to get this project done. I have totes stacked all over.
Laying here trying to reinvent my idea because as usual don't like it. As I physically began to see my plan unfolding I realized that it would be as much if not more of a hassle to retrieve something than before.
Not sure what I am going to do , I have, basically said, 100 lbs I am trying to somehow organize in a bag made to hold 10 lbs.
?????
Another shelving unit together and ready to move into the storage room. Just have to reshuffle all the stuff still sitting on the floor in there to make a path to get it to it's new home. At least until my ocd kicks again and I for some stupid reason decide that there's a different way to do it.
I have two more to put together, but I think I will only use one of them, at least for now.
@Iamwhoiamwhoami wow all that sounds so complicated😕 I've never put anything together ever, but it's not cause I'm to dumb to do it it's just I can't follow step-by-step instructions♿♿😂😂 you have a very clever brain in there, it may not be working as it should be, but you are very smart💖 how much more do you have to do?
@Tinywhisper11 oops I forgot your hug 💖 I love you 💗
@Tinywhisper11
Not complicated at all. Just very awkward and clumsy to do by yourself. I'm sure you could accomplish it as well .
I have one more unit to put together, then of course fill it. The idea I forced myself to settle on allows relatively simple access to most of them. I just sacrificed one unit that I will probably use somewhere else. I just have to remember to mark the size of it on the box plus not forget I have it then order another one. I am quite guilty of doing that on a regular basis.
I have a lot of organizing, and inventorying to do but I am a long way from that being remotely close to done.
I forgot about a shelf that I need to put up in the shed.... that will have to wait for now. Rain is coming and it possibly will continue for a day or three.
💓Hugging you as well 💓❤️I love you❤️
Shelving is done but still have more to put away in that room. Starting to get that foggy brain thing so I will shut up and wait for the inevitable.
@Iamwhoiamwhoami oh no your brain is starting to go foggy😕 are you ok? Just take it easy now you've done so much already💖 yeah it's raining here to, we were hit by storm Amy, but it has passed now. My cold has turned into a chesty cough, it hurts my back so much🙁 please stay safe and look after yourself 💖 hugs you tightly 💖 I love you 💗
@Tinywhisper11
Turned out to be a small brain flicker. The foggy thing seems to be a sign of what's coming. Is it turning into pneumonia?? ❤️Hugs you gently❤️I love you too❤️
@Iamwhoiamwhoami @Amanda84 nah! Not pneumonia I only had pneumonia once and I felt like I was dieing😕 but nothing like that, I just got a chest infection so when I cough my spine hurts so bad😭😭 but thank you both I'll get better soon💖 the cook said he'll make stew today and that will make me feel better😁💖
@Tinywhisper11
Magic stew.... I think I needs some of that.💓💓
@Iamwhoiamwhoami I will send you some in the mail😁😁
@Tinywhisper11
I will be impatiently waiting, and probably drooling in anticipation.💓
@Tinywhisper11
Love stew 😊
@Tinywhisper11
Hope you feel better soon 💜
Have been laying here for several hours trying to get the ambition to continue organizing/inventorying . Managed to stuff my face with food and now suffering the after effects, old timer nap time.
Nothing new
@Iamwhoiamwhoami 😂😂 old timer nap time is always good for you 💖 you don't have to get everything done at once, I know you want to beat the white stuff though. But taking a little break might do you good💖 how is your brain feeling now??
@Tinywhisper11
It's still in there I think. Maybe not.
@Iamwhoiamwhoami it's definitely in there💖😁💖
I would be reacting the same way if I were in that position....❤️
@Iamwhoiamwhoami 💖😁😁😁😁💖
@Iamwhoiamwhoami I wrapped little slices of Apple into the toilet roll cardboard tubes and closed the ends, so they are wrapped in little parcels for my piggies😁 they are all trying so hard to get to the Apple 😁 they are so cute and funny 💖 I'm bored of having a chest infection now🙁 I want to do things but my body won't let me😭😭 I'm such a baby when I'm ill😂 how has your day been? How are your pain levels lately??
@Tinywhisper11
They are definitely lucky to have you to care for them. It sounds like you help keep them engaged and entertained.
My pain levels are high but I am getting used to working with it as best as it allows me. I am no different when I am sick or in a lot of pain. I think I get a bit more cranky than usual as well.💓💖
