Back in my shell
I have been forced to rebuild my shell, my thick over the whole, complete blockage of everything me from everyone including myself.
In order to just make it through the basics everyday, the struggle of interacting with people and being forced to live as someone I am not , I have had to permanently barricade my inner self from the outside world.
My list of struggles struggles is very long and I have come to realize that there may be millions of people struggling with similar things, and the combinations of issues vary, how they affect everyone is different. I am just a fleck on the radar, and it is too late for me to be in a better place.
I just need to figure out how to “maintain” my facade and keep my depression and anxiety at bay.
My clock is winding down. I know my time is running out. I am not sure if I am truly “ready” for that but it is what it is.
@Iamwhoiamwhoami Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
So very sorry to hear your struggling at this moment.
My hope for you is that things, will get better for you, very soon.
Thank you for reaching out, I am sorry I didn’t respond sooner, I can be selfish and rude while I’m struggling.
I think I understand what you are saying. I don't think I have ever let anyone know me and rarely try to get to know anyone. I have been doing this my entire life and I don't know how to change it or if it is even worth trying at my age. Sometimes I wonder just what is the point of anything. I wish I could tell you something that would help, maybe just knowing that you are not alone will help, however it doesn't seem to help me. Shells are hard, I guess that is why I stay in mine. I wish you luck and happiness.
@JosephHill Thanks for sharing your thoughts with us.
I really enjoyed reading them.
@JosephHill I am deeply sorry for not acknowledging your response. I’m not exactly a stellar person when I’m struggling.
@chattergirl Wow…, I am struggling with the right words to say. My brain is fluttering right now and I’m not focusing very well. I want to say I’m happy for you, but I don’t know what happiness feels like. I’m very new to actual emotions. That is the word I am looking for I think.
@Iamwhoiamwhoami It sounds like pretending to be someone you're not is making your depression and anxiety worse. You're right, there are many people who are suffering from similar issues, but that doesn't make your own issues any less important or meaningful. You are more than a speck on the radar: you are a person worthy of respect and consideration, and gifted with unique talents, experiences, and perspective. These resources may be helpful to you: https://www.7cups.com/anxiety-help/ https://www.7cups.com/depression-help-online/ Feel free to message me anytime if you would like to talk more about this. It is never too late to find joy, peace, and meaning in life, and I hope you discover all of these in your own life.
Thank you for tea out. I’m sorry I didn’t respond sooner. I’m….I’m deeply sorry.
Thank you for tea out…..
Reaching out
Hello, IA
I'm so sorry to hear you're hurting. I can really relate to feeling the need for a "shell."
I can tell you that when I was in the middle of similar feelings, two books really helped me--maybe they can help you, too. Both are by David Burns, MD: 1) Feeling Good, which is mainly about overcoming depression, and 2) Intimate Connections (don't be put off by the title), which is about ways to overcome the need for a shell and finding safe ways to reconnect. The books aren't preachy or clinical or Pollyanna-ish. Just clear and truly useful . . . written as if the author were a friend, not a doctor.
I was lucky enough to discover both books at a time when my marriage ended, and I had no other resource except myself to fight my depression and loneliness. They really were a life preserver for me. I hope, if you want to, that you give them a try.
Sending you thoughts of peace.
@BonsaiPeace thank you for your kindness and compassion.
@Iamwhoiamwhoami hi
@lightWheel2779 hello,
Shells will protect you 🧡
Sometimes we even need protection from our own selves and thoughts. I definitely do. Don’t let you get you. There’s nothing wrong with that. The world can be overwhelming. I keep reeling things in.. not able to handle much right now.
the struggle is very real. Putting on the happy face in public until you can be the true you. I understand that struggle well. I am just trying to maintain my own facade as well… keep my issues at bay ,to buy time until I can figure out things.
I think a lot of people are going through this struggle. Just most don’t talk about it 😞
I don’t even know how to use this app entirely but this post popped up. And I can so relate. (Hugs)
@Aliceisalive Thank you for reaching out. I believe you are 100% correct , a lot of people are struggling with issues similar to this. Everyone has their own reasons for this and we all handle life differently. I should have accepted help that was offered as a child instead of shutting everything and everyone out. I had a couple of wonderful counselors (maybe they were psychiatrists or psychologists) I was shuffled to hundreds of different people. I shut them out and that was the start of a lifetime of wrong decisions.
@Iamwhoiamwhoami I can relate to this. At some point I realized that in order to stop my emotional pain I needed to protect who I really am. I find myself isolated and conflicted due to the longing I have for a connection to the outside world. If only the world wasn't so cruel we wouldn't have to hide who we are away.
@pinkBirch706 Thank you for reaching out. I can only think to say I can’t stress enough that I wish I would’ve accepted the help offered to me as a child, because I may have been able to adjust my thinking and how I handled things . I don’t know if my true me would’ve been the skin I would wear all the time but I could have dealt with issues I was struggling with then and could’ve built a better foundation for my life.
@Iamwhoiamwhoami
I'm sorry for your situation. But as far as I know, when you need to ask for help, go to the person closest to you or who you think you trust, and you go ahead and speak up. Going outside to relax and go to places where there are fewer people will help you feel better. To do more of your favorite things, and let off a little more restless mood. Hope you getting better.
@adaptableFig1408 Thank you for your support and suggestions.