Do you think some people like being miserable?
I often wonder if there are some people who just enjoy misery. I have a friend who, over the years, has become downright miserable. She is the person that will point out everything that is wrong with a situation, and if you don't believe how she believes, well, you're an idiot. She's right and you're wrong. She dwells on the negatives of the past. When something "bad" happens (like you get pulled over for a speeding ticket) she will make it seem like the world is ending and that everyone and everything is against her.
She wasn't always like this. Does she just not know how to break the cycle after all these years? Why does she continuously fight against the world, setting herself further and further away from family and friends? Because no one wants to be around people that are so angry and full of ...I don't know...hate, spite, frustration, anger... Is it a cry for attention, even in someone who is 50+?
Just throwing this out there ... When your friend is down or negative about something, do you give him/her the opportunity to put it out there without telling them how to fix it or why they should feel otherwise? Sometimes a person needs some validation of their feelings, rather then judgement. I know when I am upset or unhappy about something, and someone else affirms my right to feel that way, I can let it go easier ... if not entirely.
I have a sister like this. She exhausts me and my other sister. Over the years she has become increasingly negative. Any attempts to lighten the conversation are met with her telling me more or less that I am ridiculous for being optimistic . I’ve mostly given up spending time with her, because it’s miserable and brings me down. She is also very dogmatic and inflexible in her views. I thought about trying to talk to her about it, but it just seems like it would get turned around on me.
@Eliza62
YES!!!!! I know exactly what you mean. It's so damn exhausting to deal with people like this, even if they are family. There are times when I just want to scream and say YOU ARE NOT RIGHT ABOUT ANYTHING!!!!!
@thoughtfulmomma
We seek validation, we want to prove that we are right, but does that work? Doesn't it just drain our energy? How can we get out of this judgemental, right and wrong world? What if we could choose not to judge or feel judged?
@thoughtfulmomma
She probably gets attention from someone or has some kind of secondary gain. What do you perceive?
Are you resisting and reacting to her points of view? (Everything you resist or react to persists.) What if they are just interesting points of view?
@thoughtfulmomma- I hope you got through the holiday season without drama from this friend. I found myself avoiding family gatherings because of a sister-in-law with an alcohol issue- that deteriorated into her ranting about current issues. Toxic people alienate themselves from those who might be positive influences if they were open to listening. It is hard to determine whether they choose to be miserable- or simply are sliding into emotional distress as they age. ANd getting older makes those habits more ingrained. I wish you the best in keeping yourself healthy- and knowing when to stay away from negative people.
@barncat
Well, mostly it was okay, but not completely. There had to be SOME drama. It was bad enough that the holidays were spent apart from family, but to have someone add to everything with more negativity - yeah.
I'm putting stronger and stronger shields up every day.