How do you start conversations with people you don't know?
Honestly, when I first started going to Kendo class I didn't talk toanyone unless a question was directly asked. It's been a year and now I still don't talk to anyone, except for saying 'hi'.Usually they reply 'Hi' as well and we stop talking there.
I tried complimenting this guy's glasses once in order to start a conversation and he looked at me weirdly. I honestly don't know how to deal with people and every time I try to make a statement or ask a question, it sounds pointless and like I'm forcing it.What do you guys talk about?
Hey once I went through the same thing, in class you could ask someone to help you with something, or to explain you something you didn't understand. If you get at least one friend you'll be perfectly fine cause usually friends hang around in "groups" and you'll be able to hang with them. But it's harder than it sounds, you have to try again and again and be brave. I hope this helped, good luck :)
Ah, yes. That sounds like a plan to try out. Thanks for the reply, it helped! :D
One thing I've done in a group setting is say, "Hey, my name is _______________. I've been coming here for a while now and I really want to get to know people better. If I really knew you, what would I know about you." And once they answer, then you answer the same question. You will get a puzzled look, but it will create a connection!
Angel
I'll see what I can do with that and the puzzled look that comes with it c: Thanks for your help!
Firstly, congratulations on your progress,@Ryunohane! From only speaking when spoken to, to occasionally starting conversations. Social anxiety can make even the briefest of social interactionsso hard for us to doat times, so I think it's great that you'reeven talking to them as you are now (even if it's mostly just a case of saying Hi)!
You all have something in common - Kendo. So perhaps this could be used asyour first stepof building a relationship. AsJackfruitsaid, you could do this by asking questions about technique and other related things. If you've done this before, back-tracking to those conversations and expanding on them can be useful too.
Then if they mention something you could ask questions or talk more about, you could try to do soin order to find ways to expand on that. You may even want to speak about yourself a little too, in order to work your way to finding more common ground/mutual interests.
For example:"You said you've been doingkendofor two years now, was it? How did you get started with it? [Their answer]. Oh, I see. That's interesting! So what kept you going with it too? [Their answer]. Ah, yeah. My experience was (similar/different)in [this way], although I also like [this hobby/interest] too. I think that andkendoare probably the two things I enjoy the most. [Room for them to ask a question and continue]".
It might also be worthidentifying things you would like to speak to others about, so that you can try tobring those things up. If people are speaking together, perhaps try to join in too if there's a way you can jump into it.
But your question is a difficult one to answer! If I'm quite honest, I am only describing things I have tried and benefited frommyself. So you might find yourself trying many waysto build these relationships and other things that work for you instead.
I'd also like to bring up that,even if it were clear that you were trying hard to interact with them more,is that a bad thing? I think for many people, if not most, it's not easy to get past the first hurdle of getting to know somebody! (I think one reason for this may be becausenot many people seem to like ice-breakers or'small talk', which is sadly really all you can do most of the time with people you don't knowwell!). Awkwardness, dead-ends of topics, silences, etc, can and often dohappen along the way, but - asJackfruitsaid - the trick is to keep trying as you seem to be doingnow.
In addition, I often think that...when others are not receptive and even give dead-end answers orweird looks, itcan be due to their own reasons (incl. anxieties or shyness) rather than anything against the person trying to strike up a conversation with them. This may not be relevant to your example, butI hope remembering this sometimes may help nonetheless!
Sorry for writing so much! But I hope that directly or indirectly, this has given you some ideas.
All in all, I really hope you are able to see progress in your relationships with others,and hopefullyalsofeel an increase in your confidence as a result soon.Happy chatting!
Whoa, thanks for your detailed reply! I'll try out the things you mentioned. Ugh, I'm one of those dead end answer criminals sometimes XD Another thing to work on I guess... Thanks again, it really helped!
No problem, anytime! I hope that starting conversations will get easier as you practise more and more,@Ryunohane!
Ha ha, yeah, I'm exactly the same. Sometimes I'll be on a roll~ with my dead-end answers, even if I don't mean to be and actuallywant to continue the conversations.But I know that, for me, it's just my nerves causing me to struggle a bit, so I work on calming myself down and turning the awkward silences into moments of brief meditation/mindfulness instead (making sure to un-tense my body, easing any racing thoughts, etc).
Say hi and you could ask how he/she isdoing. Then you could exchange questions and answers. Just be yourself while talking andtry to figure out what he/she is most interested with, then you could have a great conversation.
And one more thing, be careful on bringing up a joke, be sure it's funny. haha :D
