What has your depression taught you?
Hello everyone, I hope you are all having an easy Friday.
So last week, we discussed a bit about what are the things people do not tell you about depression but you experiencing.
Depression had taught me that this isn't the way things are supposed to be but this is the way it is
Keep fighting the good fight. @dyingweeds
@dyingweeds Hi weeds, I agree with you. I understand feeling like things aren't the way they are supposed to be can be really difficult. It sounds like you're struggling with accepting how things currently are. We are all here to listen and support you.
So far I've learned...
- that happiness is always temporary.
- corollary: that depression is temporary, just as all things are.
- it doesn't help to endlessly ruminate on one's problems. The only sensible policy is solve it, or learn to live with it.
- whatever you do, don't sit on your a** & do nothing. Depression is strengthened that way. Almost anything is better than passively succumbing to it.
@slowdecline48 thank you for adding your thoughts Slow. It sounds like you've gained some valuable insights from your experiences. Recognizing that all emotions are temporary and constantly changing can help provide perspective during difficult times. Focusing on taking action and making efforts towards a solution, even small ones, can help create a sense of progress and hope.
@ASilentObserver Thanks for the compliments. Considering how long I've dealt with depression, if I haven't learned anything from my experiences by now then there is truly no hope! 😝
I have come a long way from when I was first diagnosed with depression. Back then, I wasn't even in my teens yet. My doctor couldn't give me any medication because he said I was too young to take any. Once I was old enough, I had been on medication for at least 12 years. Currently, had been medication-free for the past 6 years.
During this road to recovery, depression had taught me many things in life. With all the experiences, childhood traumas, hospital stays, and all the side effects medication had caused. I've been told by others in the same journey that I'm insightful. In the past, I joined group therapy sessions after my hospital stays, and in that group of 12 people, male and female, ages ranging from myself (early 20s back then) to someone in their 50's. A few people in that group had told me that I was insightful. I now see that as a compliment, and it's all thanks to the things I've experienced during the years with depression.
Although I do not need medication anymore, I know that this depression will be with me for the rest of my life. I may not go back to when it was severe and all I could think of was negative things, but this depression is engraved in my mind/life. So, even though there are times when I feel depressed (triggered), I'd still don't want to be bothered and left alone.
This depression has also created a lot of fears, and had made me lose all my friends, so things don't seem hopeful when it comes to building relationships (whether that be friendships or romantic relationships). As that fear of them abandoning me again, may be one of the reasons why I don't have friends anymore.
Having depression had made me see life differently now. I've learned that I need to have goals in life, that would help me take my mind off from why I'd be feeling depressed. But somethings had stayed the same too, which includes not expressing how I truly feel to my family (parents and brother). Also, since my family knows that I have depression, they also hold back a lot of the times too. Because they are afraid that if they say something wrong, I'll feel depressed.
7 Cups had also helped me a lot through those tough times.
@ASilentObserver
@Jaeteuk I'm sorry to hear about your struggles with depression. It sounds like you've been through a lot, from a young age and for many years. I can understand why that would leave permanent effects on how you view and experience life. However, it's inspiring to hear that you've learned from your experiences, has developed insight, and have coping strategies for when depression rears its head. While relationships can be challenging, don't lose hope - the right people will understand and accept you. Please know that you are not alone and you have all of us here with you
Of all the friendships I've ever had since I was young, whenever I revealed my history of depression, they all turned their backs on me and walked away. The most hurtful was when I went to University. I was getting comfortable and began to trust this guy friend, then, when he saw I looked sad, I told him about my depression. The next day, he treated me like a stranger. Saw me in the busy hallways, and looked away, no greetings whatsoever. The friendship immediately ended. I felt betrayed and abandoned.
I thought I had a best friend, known her for 12+ years. I had to call off our "friendship" when I was 27 (36 now). Of all the years I considered her as my best friend, it was a one-way relationship. Not once did she ever ask me to hang with her, or have a meal together. I initiated all our outings, and over the years I've known her, she had called off our meeting last minute at least 10 times. We lived about an hour away from each other, so I always met with her at a midpoint. When we were in school, I realized she had took advantage of our friendship. Turns out she often used me as an excuse for her parents that we were hanging out after school, but she was actually spending time with her boyfriend instead. I tried telling her before about my depression, but it didn't seem she cared. She tells me, she gets depressed too, because she only got 86% on her midterm. When I called off our friendship, she didn't do or say anything to keep it. We haven't spoken since, the first year or so, we still sent each other text messages during holidays and birthdays. There had been no more contact since.
I was only in one dating relationship, which lasted for only a little over a year. Because I did not return to campus the next year, we eventually broke up. But he had approached me when I was at one of the climax of depression and he cheered me up. Was quite understanding and stayed with me during those rough times. That was my first and last relationship. It's been 18 years..
I wasn't able to make any more friends since. Always afraid that when I revealed my true self to people, they will leave me. I consider myself quite loyal and understanding when it comes to having friends. But they don't stay long enough to see that, and I seem to scare them off with my history of depression. I feel that they need to know about my depression, as I've always wanted someone who can be by my side during those tough times, someone to share those feelings with and still feel like they care and want to be there for me. Why is it so hard to find someone who understands and is willing to stay with me through it all?
As I get older each year, I'm more and more scared that I'll never have even one friend or find a significant other to spend my life with. I really don't want to be alone. At the same time, because of the past experiences with relationships and my depression, I doubt my trusting abilities and is afraid of getting close to someone. So, it's like a 50/50 battle with myself. I would love to be in a relationship (friendship and romantic), but I'm also afraid that the person will leave me after knowing about my depression. Yet, I feel it's important to let the other person know about it.
Sorry for making this post so long. I tend to talk too much and get carried away.
@ASilentObserver
Start with the fact that you have had relationships here and we have never walked away. You have been badly hurt in the past in ways that you didn't deserve. I still believe that you can have a much better future. You are so much stronger now. @Jaeteuk
Relationships here now are a crucial part of my life, but I also need someone who can be physically beside me and is a phone call away. A lot of the times, when something is bothering me, I just make a post about it here, but it'd be nice if I talk about it with someone or hang out for coffee. As you may already know, I'm still not as close with my immediate family (parents and brother), where I'm able to speak my mind and feelings. So, I'm longing for a relationship where I can speak my mind and feelings, and not be judged, misunderstood, or have them walk away.
@bestVase7265
@Jaeteuk I understand your longing for deeper connections and relationships where you feel heard, understood, and supported. Not having close family relationships where you feel comfortable opening up can make that need for authentic human connection even stronger. It makes sense that posting online or chatting here isn't fully meeting that need for in-person companionship and connection. I hope you are able to find relationships, whether platonic or romantic, where you feel comfortable being fully vulnerable and speaking your truth without fear of judgment. But you have all of us here as well t support you.
I can totally understand that longing and you are right to have it. You do make lots of tentative moves in that direction. Those really are important steps.
Maybe a bit of the fear will go away if you can realize that the worst that could happen already has. Nothing can top what happened when you told someone about the depression at college. You are older now and much better able to handle such things.
There are good people out there in real life. You can find them. @Jaeteuk
The problem here now, is where?
My starting point is usually hobbies or maybe your new business or work. Getting outside and seeing real people rather than doing it on the internet is key.@Jaeteuk
My new business only requires me to work from home. My colleagues from work seem very fake. They just put a smile on their face and talk behind people's back. Colleagues are just acquaintances, cannot become good friends.
One of my mum's friend wants to introduce me to a couple of guys. But, my parents are away at the moment and that friend is not good at organizing meetings. I was suppose to meet her daughter this past Chinese New Year's when another friend organized a dinner gathering. But the daughter ended up with a cold, and didn't attend. Both men are friends of that daughter's fiancé, so it only makes sense that I need to meet the daughter first. Hopefully, when the weather is more sunny, the friend will be able to organize something. My mum has another friend who's usually the person that organizes meal parties, but we were told a month ago that they may be moving back to Hong Kong soon. That Auntie has no family here, so she wants to move back to HK with her husband to live for a few years. As she has sisters and her parents there. They are both in their 70s. If she does plan to leave, I can only hope the daughter's mum can organize something. I don't want to ask my mum to ask her though, don't want to seem like I'm desperate..
Always be looking around you. I found my husband that way. It was through work, but he wasn't someone who I worked with directly. We just got talking one day and then he asked me out for that night. I was going to say no because it was so quick, but I didn't. He told me later that he nearly didn't ask and if I had said no that he wouldn't have asked again.
There are good people out there but none of it may happen neatly. What kinds of hobbies do you do right now?@Jaeteuk
Depression has taught me that you should never expect people to be okay all the time.. you have no idea what people are going through, so just be kind and understanding
@burningRain127 I understand that it can be difficult when people are struggling and not always okay. You're right that we often don't know what others are experiencing, so kindness and empathy are so important. How has that lesson from your experience with depression helped you to be more understanding toward others?
@asilentobserver
I’ve been able to see that sometimes when people lash out, it’s because their going through a really tough time. Also, sometimes people have a really difficult time finding energy to do things, but it’s not because their lazy or defective.
I know that depression is hard to understand, and hard to explain also. But when people in my life are struggling, I can empathize with them because I live with this myself.
@burningRain127 I get it how difficult it can be to have compassion for yourself and others when dealing with depression or other mental health challenges. You have insight into some of the reasons why people may act or feel a certain way when struggling, and that insight likely comes from your own experiences.
@ASilentObserver
i still deal with depression even though it’s better now, and something it did was make me so much more resilient. Something I learned from it was that even if I feel alone, if I search hard enough I will find support somewhere. I just need to keep an open mind and heart even when it’s difficult… and it’s difficult😅
@Rubylistens22 I can understand how difficult it can be to manage depression and keep an open heart, even when things feel difficult. It sounds like you have shown great strength and resilience in facing your challenges, and that is inspiring to hear. While feelings of loneliness can seem overwhelming, it's wonderful that you have been able to find sources of support.
Thank you for sharing your experiences with us and being here with us
@ASilentObserver
aw you’re too sweet obs thank you💙
Hi,
My depression told me to value the moments I am not depressed. Unfortunately though it also made me afraid that anything can trigger a new depressive episode. Still learning to manage my emotions correctly to avoid triggering a new episode.
@Nanogirl92 I understand feeling wary of triggers that could lead to another depressive episode. It can be difficult to learn to manage emotions when depression makes things feel out of control. We are all here to listen and support you. Are there any self-help or coping strategies that have been helpful for you in the past?
It made me realise that nothing is going to be easy. And that there are many people out there trying to cope.
@creeperthecat thank you for sharing it Cat. I can understand feeling that way. It sounds like facing difficult challenges and realizing how many others are also struggling can feel overwhelming. But now you are not alone and we are all here with you to listen and support you. Your emotions and experiences matter too.
Thanks
I can still do things even though somebody told me I can't and when they tell me I can't it makes me depressed like really depressed
@BNH71390 I understand feeling discouraged when others doubt you or your abilities. Please know that you are not defined by what others say about you. You get to decide what you are capable of, and it sounds like you have a strong determination to push forward despite obstacles. We are all here with you to listen and support. you are not alone in this
Depression has taught me that there’re no governing rules or “forces that be”. Things are what they are because they are. There’s nothing in place keeping things from getting worse and nothing, with any say, that cares if they do.
@MarZiAnne I understand how disheartening that realization can feel. Not having a sense of order or fairness in the world can lead to feelings of hopelessness or despair. We are all here with you to listen and support <3
@ASilentObserver
That ultimately we aren't just living for ourselves, but for everyone else as well.
