People Can Change, But That Doesn't Mean They Will (Part 1)

Most people agree: Everyone makes mistakes.

You might use this phrase to console a loved one who’s done something they regret or boost self-compassion when you mess up yourself.

These common sayings imply people can change — and they absolutely can.

First, a few things to keep in mind

Change is often complicated, and it doesn’t always happen the way you envision. The following reminders can help you maintain a realistic perspective about the process.

You can’t force change

Simply telling someone “You need to change” usually won’t work.

Ultimatums sometimes inspire behavioral change because they illustrate what’s at stake:

• “Either you stop drinking or I leave this relationship.”

An ultimatum may not work, however, when the other person views it as an attempt to exert control. What’s more, they probably won’t commit to a lasting effort unless they truly care about the consequences.

Change takes time and effort

If you’ve ever resolved to change something about yourself, you likely understand this decision is only the beginning.

After setting a goal, such as “Stop showing up late,” you probably explored reasons behind your frequent lateness:

• trouble getting up in the morning

• frequently misplacing keys

• a tendency to lose track of time

Once you had a clearer idea of what you could do differently, you probably tried to put your plan into action. Maybe you tried setting your morning alarm 15 minutes earlier or attached a key hook to the back of your front door.

But even the best intentions don’t yield immediate improvement. You might have needed to experiment with different strategies to find one that really worked.

When hoping for change from someone else, don’t expect overnight success. They’re going through the same process. Encouraging them and praising their efforts can help build up their determination to keep trying.

Change doesn’t always follow a linear path

Even someone with a sincere determination to change won’t always succeed the first time, or the second. It’s easy to slip back into old habits at first, sometimes without realizing it.

It often helps to reconsider your strategy and explore other methods of managing triggers before trying again.

What about people who cheat or lie?

Infidelity and lying happen for any number of reasons, and if those underlying causes go unaddressed, the behavior likely won’t change.

The same goes for manipulation. Many people learn to manipulate to get their needs met, and this behavior can develop in childhood as a defense mechanism.

Someone who regrets their actions and expresses interest in growth may succeed at making changes.

But someone who insists they’ll really change “this time” yet shows no remorse and makes no effort to do anything different? They may not be ready to address their behavior.

Source: https://www.healthline.com/health/do-people-change

Have you ever faced any very disturbing traits in a relationship that you would like them to change? Share below <3

If you liked this post and you want to learn how change is likely to happen stay tuned for part 2!

#Relationships #Change #Growth