Food Addiction Part Deux
I made a post a while ago about my horrific eating habits. How I go to the store and buy mountains of junk food and then huge amounts of takeaway and then gorge myself until I feel like crap. Yesterday I went out, bought a huge amount of it, ate a deli hot dog in my car, then went and got pizza and breadsticks. This was all after I already ate dinner.
I definitely think it's stress induced, maybe boredom induced. I'm not always hungry when I do it. Sometimes I just get the idea in my head and I can't let it go. People scoff at me when I call it an addictive behavior, but there are times I fight myself on it. I'll get in the car with full intent, get halfway to the store, and turn around and go home. Sometimes I'll get in the shower in preparation of going out for that, only to turn off the water and stop myself. That doesn't always happen, though.
I discovered recently during a Doctor's that I'm pre-diabetic and my blood pressure was off the charts. I'm now on medication for that. You'd think knowing how close I was to a stroke or a heart attack would be something to scare me into changing, but apparently it has zero effect.
I really do think my mind tricks me sometimes. It's often "get the junk food, eat it and watch shows all weekend, then turn over a new leaf". Except I'm always turning over a new leaf. Until I lapse again. I feel like I'm stuck in a cycle of failure and redemption. Like it's okay to fail, because I'll just redeem myself later.
My logical brain can't reconcile my behavior. It's something that costs an ever increasing amount of money. It makes me feel terrible and bloated and gives me brain fog at work. And the stuff I'm eating is all this processed junk that doesn't even taste good anymore when I've eaten more than I should have.
How do I make myself have discipline? Being put on a maybe permanent medication apparently isn't enough.
@automatonic
I appreciate your honesty and I do see the addictive role it plays in your life. I think the medication is necessary to aid the blood pressure, but if it wasn't a wake up call, to out you first, i think you need to arrange to talk to the doctor or a counsellor about the root cause about why you eat and changing these coping mechanisms for healthier ones, it's not as simple as disciplining oneself, I genuinely hope that you can get the support and understanding you need 💕💜
Hi @automatonic, this is a really brave post you just shared. Especially after you've seen people scoff when you shared how you felt. I'm glad you have it in you to try and share how you feel. I would guess you could feel a sense of shame about this behavior, and possibly frustrated about how you can't seem to turn over that new leaf.
I don't think this is a matter of discipline because if you think about it, there are probably ways you've been disciplined in your life, but it just didn't have to do with food. Or at least that's how I think of it in my circumstances because I have similar issues.
I don't know if you're looking for any advice, but in my own experience, I realized after looking into myself and reading a lot of psychology books, I realized what food was actually doing for me. I had a "hole" I was trying to fill up because I felt like I wasn't loved and accepted due to neglect, and you might've just read that and think your childhood has been pretty decent, so you don't think it's your past, so you might have a lot of shame + self-blame. Or maybe you did have a rough life, and there are clear moments you can identify. I don't want to assume because I don't know you, and I don't want to say anything that would be rude.
I read a couple of times in different books that people who eat a lot do it to stuff down their feelings, and the only reason they stuff it down instead of working with it is because they have trouble identifying their feelings, and it can get uncomfortable when you're not used to doing something so food can be a relief.
I think it'd be a good/interesting thing to look into. I wish you the best of luck 🙏
@automatonic I'm going through similar things, if you want, we can message and I can talk about stuff I'm doing. No pressure if you don't want to, though.
